Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Entry #114

The Letter
by L’uragano


Stella walked into the empty house letting the backpack slide off her shoulder and slip onto the floor. Eventually, she would hang it on the coat rack, its proper “home,” to avoid upsetting her mom.

She went to fetch the mail, a chore she found somewhat fascinating, like history. “Mail is for old people,” Stella once told her mom. “Young people text or email. Even emails are kind’uv. . .tired,” she said.

She rapid-fire flipped through the bills, grocery circulars, charity pleas and then stopped so short a pizza postcard sliced her outer baby finger.

“Owww. Shit,” she spat out, proud of how the swear word rolled from her mouth strong, natural.

Stella stared at the generic envelope that bore her name--written in messy cursive. The writer penned a small star above the “a.” No return address. She ran to her bedroom and even though alone, she locked her door.

Minutes later, a scream ripped from Stella so raw, so piercing that every animal within several blocks raised their ears in alert.

Before the two cans of cheese ravioli—i.e. dinner—fell from the grocery bag onto the backpack and rolled onto the kitchen floor, Rina knew her house was empty.

“Stella? Stella!” Her pleas bounced off the walls as the rest of the bag’s contents tumbled from her arms.

Just then, across town, Stella let the escalator carry her up and up to a waiting train. A train leading somewhere. Where he was. Waiting.

16 comments:

laughingwolf said...

ain't love grand? ;)

Selma said...

I am always struck by the power of the letter. I liked the sense of immediacy here both in thought and in action. Passion, desire, and need are such a powerful trio. Quite a sense of exhilaration at the end. Good to see you here.

September said...

Very nice. I like it. The power of a "real" letter. Powerful - enough to make her lock the door before reading. And powerful to make her scream - "so raw, so piercing that every animal within several blocks raised their ears in alert" - love that line. Good job.

Lena said...

Awesome! Just one letter but so much happenings. Well done! I so hoped the letter was good and yes, it was :)

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

Great imagery!Love can be so compelling.Sigh!

K.Lawson Gilbert said...

liked the way this unfolded...you told the story well.

Aine said...

Nice story. Gotta love compulsive teenagers-- they know how to live in the moment! I hope he's worth it!

:)

L'uragano (The Hurricane) said...

wow. your comments are all so appreciated.

what's funny is that your comments made me see that I should have written it differently! I wanted who she travels to...to be more mysterious....almost ominous.

But somehow something didn't come across. That's why it's so great to get feedback. But i really appreciate the compliments!

L'uragano (The Hurricane) said...

wow. reread this. you guys were totally right---and I wrote the damned thing!

the star, the messy cursive...it all points to a boy...man, this was a better excercise then i anticipated!

Terry said...

I enjoyed reading this slice of life. Your writing is so insightful. I especially liked your paragraph relating mail to history and old people.

Anonymous said...

I'll take a good story over someone internally pondering life's ultimate meaning (boring)anytime. You made it interesting and closed the deal at the end. Good job!

Scott said...

Whatever happened to playing hard to get?!

Catvibe said...

If this was someone she met online and is now going to meet, then I feel very badly for Rina who is about to quite possibly lose her daughter. It IS ominous. But I extrapolated that from your comment rather than the piece itself. I would love to see the rewrite. I LOVED the scream.

Sarah Hina said...

I thought, L'uragano, from the intensity of her scream (not a squeal) that her meeting was ominous. I liked that the animals raised their ears--it made her terror seem more primitive to me.

I don't mind a little bit of mystery, actually. And this was very cleverly set up, with the normal teenage stuff deadending into danger.

Enjoyed it very much. Strong writing.

Vesper said...

Sort of ironic, her actions to be prompted by a message coming to her... the old way.
I think this is a well written story and I enjoyed reading it.

What I imagined, when I put together Stella's scream and the waiting train, is that there was a departure date in that letter, a deadline that she was perilously close to miss because of the slowness of regular mail.
I'm curious now about the mysterious... the ominous...

jason evans said...

Thanks for being a wonderful part of the contest!