Wednesday, January 07, 2009

Entry #12

Infinity
by Angelique H. Caffrey


“What are we doing here?”

The man in front of me turned around. “What?”

“What are we doing here?”

He shrugged. “Dunno.”

“How did we get here?” I peered over the escalator’s sides. There was nothing but dark mist.

“Beats me.”

Without warning, a lanky fellow ran toward us. Spewing meaningless syllables, he moved frantically down the narrow escalator, bumping into people. When he ran past me, I met his bloodshot gaze. Then, he was a memory.

“Mercy,” said the man in front of me. “That was strange.”

I had a plan. “Can you do me a favor?” I asked him.

“Sure.”

“Pass a message along to that guy in front of you.”

“All right… what’s the message?”

“Just this: ‘Where are we going?… Pass it on…’”

He nodded. He leaned up to the gray-haired dude, then the gray-haired dude whispered in the ear of the teenage girl. After that, I couldn’t see or hear the question being asked any more.

The man in front of me said over his shoulder, “Feel better now?”

I lied. “Yes. Thank you.”

“Good.” He was silent.

I peered into the vapor that had no beginning, no end. Should I jump over the edge of the escalator into the clouds? If I did, what would happen? And did I even have the balls to try?

The escalator hummed. I waited for my answer from above.

Just then, the woman behind me tapped my shoulder. Slowly, she asked, “Where are we going?… Pass it on…”

39 comments:

Lena said...

interesting take on the prompt... seems like life really goes in circles.. wondering if they ever get out of that escalator.

Wavemancali said...

I swear I had the exact same story in my head when I first saw the picture.

That's freaky :)

laughingwolf said...

freaky, that :)

peggy said...

so, are we in the middle, end or beginning..very interesting! Liked it! Good job!

wrath999 said...

Unique tale. I like the ambiguity of your tale. Where are they going? Lets readers use their own imgination.

K.Lawson Gilbert said...

Very intriguing...

J.C. Montgomery said...

This definitely has me re-reading it, seeing something in it, and attempting to find the answer and the meaning. But as with life, perhaps there is none as it is about the journey more than the destination.

Ruinwen said...

Powerful thought provoking piece. :)

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

Very interesting point of view.Life is a chain reaction indeed :)

Sarah Hina said...

Angelique, I am completely blown away by your concept here. I read this yesterday, and felt my jaw hang open. The fact that she is the only one who seems to be questioning the purgatory is the most distressing part. Maybe it was too much for the lanky fellow, and he made a fateful decision.

A real chill when I came to the last line. I get annoyed when people call things Kafkaesque, because it can sound pretentious. Nonetheless, it sprang to mind. ;) Really original take, and very well executed!!

Leatherdykeuk said...

Nice!
Very Escher :)

sawan said...

man, thats creepy!! is life really an unending journey through the same rails?? well written Angel.

Aerin said...

Angelique!!! I love it! Original concept!

lissa said...

I like that it could go on and on and on...

one more believer said...

a most enjoyable read... the questions, the resistence to questions, the ability to wander... love it all!! .. thou in the back of my mind i cannot help to see the passing of the tale in a circle as children...

JR's Thumbprints said...

We're waiting for Godot, in an obvious loop. Enjoyed the read!

SzélsőFa said...

Blogger ate my previous comment :((

Anyhow, I wanted to say how much I enjoxed exploring the truly palpable, strange world you created. A freaky athmosphere, indeed. Great job!

JaneyV said...

There are so many layers here to peel back. On the top layer it's quite funny but peel one back and the terror of living in a never ending loop reveals itself. Such clever writing. I really enjoyed it Angelique. Wonderful.

The Quoibler said...

Wow! I never expected to receive such flattering comments... thanks, everyone. It's made my day. :)

Angelique

Patsy said...

Really scary because life does sometimes feel this way.

Excellent take.

Precie said...

Sarah H thought Kafka. I thought Beckett. Excellent piece.

Tina said...

Awesome. The ending was creepily surprising, but I like it. :)

Nothingman said...

so? where are we going? ;)

nice story, guess it all comes around :)

N

Tiffany said...

Creepy, but intriguing.

McKoala said...

Also liking the mystery and ambiguity in this one.

Catvibe said...

Very interesting concept, kind of creepy and a horrifying thought of a life where no one gets anywhere ever. Well written.

Prashant Dhanke said...

This was GOOD. Couldn't have come up with a better title :).

bluesugarpoet said...

I bet that's the craziest game of "telephone" she ever played. Mysterious and eerie. I like it! - jana

September said...

I think it's time to jump! Yikes. So bizarre. I loved the ending, and I didn't see it coming. Sounds like something from a twilight zone.

ceedy said...

I liked the metaphysical aspect of the story. We exist in this time space and continuum but are always trying to seek the beyond....but we really dont have balls to take the jump cause we dont know if we can come back...

Well written

Jimmie Vee said...

I enjoyed this a lot, although I don't think I got the full deep meaning out of it that some of the other commentors did right away. After thinking about it some more, I'm still just as confused but I don't like it any less. Does that make sense? Maybe I just relate to frustration well.

September said...

Congratulations! This was one of my top three favorites. Thank you for writing it. I loved it.

Terry said...

Angelique, I didn't get a chance to read this story during contest time, but after finishing it now, I can see why it placed so well! How creative and thought-provoking!

Beth said...

I could not WAIT to read your entry, but had to wait. It was worth the wait, of course. Well done, Angelique. You should have your own book in stands now!

pjd said...

This is satisfyingly twisted. What intrigues me most is the guy with the bloodshot eyes.

As to the writing... it was over before I realized it. This is a compliment--I mean that I was so engrossed I didn't notice the words and sentences and paragraphs passing by. Of all the entries I've read, this was the most flowing in that sense.

jason evans said...

Great job on pacing, entertainment value, technical skill, storytelling, and voice! And welcome to the Forties Club!!

Thanks for being a wonderful part of the contest.

jason evans said...

And congratulations on 5th Place!!

Chris Eldin said...

I have to say, this is truly my favorite one. Dark, and slightly humorous. But the humor is the top layer only.
Extremely well-written!!!!
Kudos all around!!
:-)

Aniket Thakkar said...

Angelique, I just realised I missed to comment on this one... May be because I was stupified... It made we wonder if I am living in a world that would somehow be like ur escalator... Like someday someone will just press the refresh button and there I'll go again! May be I'm just a bit too freaked out! lolzz! Amazing piece... outstanding chain of thoughts! Congratulations on your well deserved win!