Thursday, January 08, 2009

Entry #19

Going Up
by Mystico


I stand there, going up. Alone.

Hmm. Where on earth am I? How did I get here?

That rising feeling. Handrails. An elevator. Must be.

Wait. Where’s Joan? My girlfriend. She never leaves my side. Annoying maybe, but now I feel so…empty and so alone without her presence.

I look around. Funnily enough, there is no one in sight. Come to think of that, there is totally nothing in sight. The elevator seems to be suspended in a midst of nothingness, except for a thick whitish mist that hangs about, engulfing everything but strangely not impeding breathing.

Then I see my blue shoes. It all comes rushing back to me.

We trooped on the streets as a group. Me, my friends and our girlfriends. Normal teenagers on a normal day.

Flush with the joy of pay packets that we had just received, all of us were ready to flaunt our wealth in front of each other and buy down whatever we wished. We headed for the nearest bar and bought round after round of drinks. Finding that we still had some money, we set our eyes upon the nearest arcade in the shopping mall just across the street.

Going up the elevator, we are caught in a drunken frenzy, and we decide to start fooling around. In a height of excitement, I vault upon the handrail. I tilted over a little due to my drunkenness. I go down many metres, screaming.


A soft, disembodied voice chants from above “Going up…”

16 comments:

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

That was interesting!Good description of what strong drink can do to a person.

Ruinwen said...

This piece haunts me as I remember all the times I was that careless. I thought I was immortal as a teen but now I realize I was only lucky. A chilling read...great job. :)

Leatherdykeuk said...

I was surprised it was going up ;)

Sarah Hina said...

It just takes one moment of carelessness...but I was happy to know he's still going up. :)

I liked your descriptions of the early confusion. And the rush of awareness that followed. Strong writing, Mystico.

Geraldine said...

Yikes....well written but I agree with the other comments, a good warning too.

www.mypoeticpath.wordpress.com

laughingwolf said...

good one, mystico...

peggy said...

This was really chilling. Makes me wonder why I made it past my teen years :) Good stuff!

lissa said...

do you mean an escalator and not an elevator? I guess it works with both but I opt to think of an escalator because you wouldn't be falling like that in an elevator but then again maybe when one's in a drunken state, all logic goes out the window, but anyway, it's quite a story and I like how it starts

K.Lawson Gilbert said...

Interesting concept...and a cautionary tale!

SzélsőFa said...

I like the descriptions of feelings here.
Poor guy must be returning quite soon from Heaven again so that he can learn to be cautious in his next life...perhaps he'll end up as a life guard at a beach...who knows...

JaneyV said...

What teen doesn't think they're Superman in the throes of a beer buzz? How many near misses we've all had. I'm glad his escalator is taking him in the right direction.

Mystico said...

Thanks everyone for your kind comments. I felt that this was not one of my better pieces as I was not that inspired by the picture...

I am quite pleased, though, that it turned out as a rather useful warning, and I appreciate all those comments about that.

By the way lissa, I am sorry for the confusion. I thought escalator and elevator were the same thing, but hopefully everyone understands which one I am referring to...

Once again, thanks for your comments!

BernardL said...

The descriptive rush at the end speeds the tale to conclusion very well.

Catvibe said...

A very good fable.

September said...

The blue shoes jotted his memory. Interesting story.
So many escalators seem to be going up to "nothingness" - chilling. Good job.

jason evans said...

Thanks for being a wonderful part of the contest!