Wednesday, January 07, 2009

Entry #2

Forgotten
by ruinwen@yahoo.com – dedicated to my Mom


The air around the silver-haired woman seemed to be far too thin to breathe. Unseen fingers wrapped around her throat and endeavored to strangle her. Each breath became an increasing insurmountable hurdle as she gasped for air. Her heartbeat raced faster than the thoughts parading lightning quick across the screen in her head. She sought something outside of her mental chatter and focused on the metal beast that lay ahead.

The behemoth was toothed and shiny as it grinded and hummed away in an endless cycle of ascension. This silver dragon of the new age would deliver her to her new life; the old one was almost forgotten. She reached deep inside herself and excavated a fragment of courage and stepped on its ridged back.

People surrounded her from above and below as she desperately tried to assign nametags to them from the snapshots catalogued in her brain. The shaping of thoughts became a Herculean task. Shaking her head she attempted to exorcise the cobwebs but no new information came.

As the metal monster became bathed in the soft glow of the last golden rays of day she found a hand in hers. She searched for a name to sit atop the smiling face and laughing eyes but none would surface. The woman’s features were so familiar that she ached inside to place her. She reached again and no memories came to light so she sighed sadly as another page of her life slipped away from her.

24 comments:

Aggie said...

wonderfully moving.

JaneyV said...

An extremely strong piece. I think you captured the woman's confusion, loneliness, terror and even wonder at her own perception of the world with an incredibly light touch. I can't imagine what it must feel like to slowly lose memories and one's understanding of one's own environment. You have opened up a window for me. I hope I never have to go through.

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

That was so touching.Beautiful piece :)

BernardL said...

'Silver dragon of the new age' is an eye catching phrase. 'She reached deep inside herself and excavated a fragment of courage' is a phrase I remember Miss Snark used to do literary eye rolls over. :)

Geraldine said...

This was a difficult story to read (touched a deep chord within me, I know you understand dear R) but beautifully and skillfully written. Your mom would be proud Ruinwen.

www.mypoeticpath.wordpress.com

Anonymous said...

A beautiful and moving piece.

Betty Gordon
www.bettygordon.com

Sarah Hina said...

The struggle to hold on is still a sign of courage and remembered love, even if the task is ultimately too Herculean. What an empathetic, and heartwrenching, tribute to your mother. The confusion and desperation were so well described.

It's really a great testimonial to your relationship with her, that you identify and understand so well.

peggy said...

Putting into words in a way that everyone understands. Memories, quite fancy language but you did good! Congrats on being able to tell this story for all to share.

laughingwolf said...

a gem, ruinwen :)

K.Lawson Gilbert said...

very poignant piece - sad and wistful - solid writing

Leatherdykeuk said...

Lovely piece.

sawan said...

too complicated, yet so touching!Good work.

Eric said...

Complicated and full of delicious phrases. Knowing that it is about the sadness of forgetting, it moves me to a silent place.

Kim said...

It's hell growing old and this well written piece just goes to show the truth in the matter. She's going to a better place.

Ello said...

I thought this was incredibly well done. Excellent job!

Vesper said...

Such a touching glimpse into that world where cobwebs become increasingly difficult to exorcise... Ruinwen, I'm afraid your story might not be fiction and so my heart goes to you and your Mom...

RiverSoul said...

I'm touched.
This is a beautiful story. Really liked it a lot
:)

September said...

ohhh. This one made me cry. My mom's 87 and just last week had a bad fall and I have her here in a hospital bed. Suddenly so frail.

Really good job.

Aniket Thakkar said...

A beautiful story... wonderfully scripted! It takes you to a whole different place as you read it!

Catvibe said...

Beautiful story, very well written and an excellent tribute to your mother and everyone making that 'ascension'.

Aniket Thakkar said...

I have written a spoof story of sorts on Ascension.... do read it when you get time! http://foolishnessofthings.blogspot.com/2009/01/fyeo-ascension-revisited.html

You are a character in it as well! :-D

bluesugarpoet said...

heart-wrenching story - thanks for giving us a glimpse into the private pain. "She reached deep inside herself and excavated a fragment of courage and stepped on its ridged back." Loved that line. Courage.

jana

Linda Courtland said...

You captured the sadness so perfectly. Skillfully done.

jason evans said...

Thanks for being a wonderful part of the contest!