Thursday, January 08, 2009

Entry #21

Falling
by Mette Jakobsen


Everyone carries a fall, said Béatrice, it’s only a question of time. I nodded, scrolling through the inbox, thinking of you. Béatrice sighed and went back to hitting the keyboard with a harsh rhythm from her strawberry-painted nails. I knew how her fifty-something colored curls would now dance around her cheeks, little squares of fake gold glimmering in her plumb earlobes.

I didn’t give it any further thought before catching the Métro later. Standing at the top of the stairs, just about to enter the overheated underground abandoning the pearly fresh Parisian evening, her words suddenly hit me again. A stumbling slow-motion, caused by a pebble, a chewed piece of gum, an accidental till slip. Fumbling in nothingness but only finding empty air to catch. Hands hesitatingly trying to determine which part to protect: skull, shoulders, teeth. The crackling sound of bone against stone, and then, nothing. Slowly waking up, watching the floating expressions of strangers above, mouths moving in foreign whispers. Maybe they will help me back on my feet; maybe they will call for an ambulance. And you will be waiting in your fifth floor apartment. The carefully chilled wine becoming tepid. You will never understand why I don’t show up.

I cling to the railing all the way down without the anticipated accident. I catch my train without further complications. I get off at Jacques Bonsergent. Just in case I take the escalator back up to the surface. You are waiting for me.

20 comments:

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

That made me smile with relief :)

K.Lawson Gilbert said...

It is strange how we humans anticipate accidents....thank God most never happen - when we think they will! I really liked this. Good writing.

Sarah Hina said...

A taste of the worst can sometimes make us savor the everyday. Thank goodness for the imagination. Even its missteps are worth treasuring.

I really enjoy the rhythm of your writing, Mette. It swung me along. Powerful descriptive detail, too. And I always enjoy falling for Paris. ;)

Jaye Wells said...

The little details (wine becoming tepid, etc.) and the vivid description add nice detail to the strong voice of this story. I enjoyed it.

Geraldine said...

Interesting take on the prompt. Like the setting too.

www.mypoeticpath.wordpress.com

laughingwolf said...

nicely done, mette :)

Lena said...

i loved it. Great details, amazing writing.. great end.
A very strong piece :)

peggy said...

very good story, anticpating the worse can sure ruin a good day, glad it turned out :) Great job!

sawan said...

Mette, i luvd the way it ended! amazin way to portrait ones thoughts. good writing!

Ruinwen said...

Loved the flow of this piece. The ending made me smile. :)

Betty Gordon said...

Interesting take on the photograph. Vivid details that pulled me along the story.

Betty Gordon
www.bettygordon.com

Leatherdykeuk said...

Fabulous description.

JR's Thumbprints said...

A Patrick-Swayze-Ghost like quality. Nice.

JaneyV said...

It's like a glitch in time - a sudden flash of a possible future that warns you to take care to avoid that outcome. These are the whispers of your guardian angels.

Mette I think this is a wonderful piece. I really liked it.

Mette said...

Thank you all for these comments. It is so nice to get your feedback!

:-) Mette

Catvibe said...

Those kinds of fantasies can make a person sit in their chair and never leave home, I'm glad it was just a passing thought, and that he reached his destination safely! Well written.

pjd said...

Yes, very well done. You captured the sentiment perfectly--a knowledge that the fear is absurd, but the action of taking precaution... just in case. Of course, having just driven home on California freeways from the Oakland airport and seeing one collision, witnessed two near misses, and nearly got obliterated by one jackass, I firmly believe people should think ahead like this more frequently. Anyway, I love the first paragraph, and I love the way you've captured the emotions of the situation. Very well done.

bluesugarpoet said...

Phew! It was a relief to read that outcome! Nicely done. :)

September said...

:) yay! You had me hooked with this. I wondered how it would end, I thought for sure, bad. But nice ending. Good story telling. Nice writing.

jason evans said...

Thanks for being a wonderful part of the contest!