Friday, January 09, 2009

Entry #40

At the Still Point of the Turning World
by Laurie X


You rise. I follow. Follow the scent of sweat, of hard work, of effort and reach. Follow the solid shape of shoulders outlined in warm blue flannel. Follow jeans soft on long legs. The black tile floor falls away beneath us. White acoustical tile lowers. I want to climb the steps between. Touch the small of your back. Speak into your ear.

But you would turn. And you would be a ghost. Dead blue eyes sucking me in. Cold blue skin burning my touch.

But you would turn. And I would wake alone in my cold bed. Short of your lips.

But you would turn. Glacial eyes. Harsh lips. Nothing I recognize.


In extreme moments, time slows. And I remember in slow motion, too. The car flies off the mountain, loops over in the air, and we fall at the convertible’s upside-down point. I land in a tree and you disappear.

I don’t touch you.

We ascend forever.


(Laurie X rides motorcycles, worships ravens and takes only bad boys as lovers.)

19 comments:

JR's Thumbprints said...

Your story had that feel of time slowing down at the point of impact, where life flashes by in a split second yet seems to take forever. Very poetic.

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

Beautiful though sad.Nice imagery :)

Lena said...

i liked the poetic touch in it. very beautiful :) Really great work done!

harshad said...

very elegant and dreamlike writing...love it!

JaneyV said...

The ache of loss is palpable here. The violent separation of souls is nicely shown here. Well done.

Leatherdykeuk said...

Beautiful deaths

BernardL said...

Stark perception.

K.Lawson Gilbert said...

strong images and beautifully poetic

love the style

exceedingly sad

laughingwolf said...

well done... keep riding, keep writing, laurie :)

Sarah Hina said...

I love the dream-like quality to your writing. It's not overdone, but just right. Short of your lips gave me an ache. The loss will endure forever.

Arresting prose, Laurie (and I love your bio!). :)

sawan said...

felt like witnessing a crash! beautifully written.

ayomorocco said...

Succinct and Oh so Powerful. Pulsating Aching Loss. I bloody loved it!

Karen said...

Even the title is perfect!

Catvibe said...

Really lovely writing Laurie X. Do you have a blog? I love your title and the romantic sensibility in your use of language. A sad tale.

bluesugarpoet said...

What can I add that hasn't already been said - you've poetically described the aching loss, the tragic ending. Nicely written piece!

jana

September said...

lovely piece - very sad but beautiful writing

Terry said...

Finally got to read this one. Such a powerful story written with a wonderfully delicate touch. Congratulations on placing so well!

pjd said...

Following the scent... solid shape... outlined... soft... falls away...

Lovely transition from the concrete and visceral to the dream and memory. Terrific imagery. Nicely done.

jason evans said...

Congratulations on the honorable mention!

Great job with pacing, entertainment value, technical skill, storytelling, and pacing! And welcome to the Forties Club!!

Thanks for being a wonderful part of the contest.