Monday, January 12, 2009

Entry #58

Momentum
by Sherri Nicholds


Each day, the same. Step out onto the platform, keep moving with the crowd. Don’t stop, try not to feel like just another rat in a tunnel.

I know it’s not just me; the thousands surrounding me are going through the same motions. Even the commuters that are dressed down are trying to move up. It’s the way of life in the city and it will never change.

The same route, at the same time, every day of the week (excluding Saturdays and Sundays of course – even a rat in the race needs to take a break). Yet even with the constant state of repetition there are so few familiar faces; testament to the fact there are so many of us, etiquette re-enforcing anonymity, as we avoid eye contact with each other in the way only strangers forced into intimate proximity with each other can.

I make it through the turnstile in one fluid movement, years of practice making us all symbiotic with the metal and concrete around us.

Then onto the escalator, the prospect of daylight is tantalizingly close, that moment of fresh air after the stifling heat of the subway. I stare at the feet of the man in front of me, waiting for the movement of our feet back onto solid ground.

People at the side of me push onwards and upwards, not satisfied to let themselves be moved by anything else. A career symptom of relying on only yourself and your own momentum.

11 comments:

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

Gosh!That feeling of being lost a crowd is something everyone can surely relate to.

Very well described! :)

Lena said...

I liked the way you described those feelings. It is like the reader is not just a reader but is also inside the story. Good work :)

wrath999 said...

Cool tale. Maybe Bob Seeger is right, we are just numbers.

laughingwolf said...

i felt enclosed, unknown...

Sarah Hina said...

Smoothly, but joylessly, going through the motions. Well captured, Sherri. We are like rats in the maze sometimes, each of us terribly alone.

Smooth writing here! You really made me feel the isolation, and the mindless routine. Good work.

K.Lawson Gilbert said...

What was the book in which humans were only known by number....was it "1984?" by Orwell? Well written - good thoughts portrayed.

Selma said...

I do like the sense of movement you have created here. It is as if we are just all well-oiled cogs in the machine, merely making up the numbers. Well done!!

Catvibe said...

I related very much to your character and especially with this line:

Yet even with the constant state of repetition there are so few familiar faces; testament to the fact there are so many of us, etiquette re-enforcing anonymity, as we avoid eye contact with each other in the way only strangers forced into intimate proximity with each other can.

Your writing is excellent, and the feeling communicated is real and tangible. What I wanted more of in this piece was a story line. This feels like the opening paragraphs of a great short story which I would absolutely want to read.

Ÿ∂ Μ Î ŋÎ said...

"etiquette re-enforcing anonymity" -loved this piece...
The description of w workday scene is fantastic. well written, Sherri :)

September said...

excellent piece

jason evans said...

Thanks for being a wonderful part of the contest!