Monday, January 12, 2009

Entry #62

Breakthrough
by Precie


“I had that dream again.”

“Mm-hmm” was the only reply, followed by pen scratching against paper.

She’s playing sudoku, I‘ll bet! I tried again.

“I was trapped in a shopping mall,” I said. “The exits were all locked. The stores were closed. All I could do was wander up and down the escalators.”

“Have you been watching horror movies? You didn’t watch that zombie one again, did you?” Victoria didn’t even bother to look at me.

“No!” I replied. “I’ve been too busy with work! I barely have time to breathe, much less watch a movie.”

“Okay, so tell me about your work.”

“It’s nothing that would interest you. I’ve just had a lot on my plate, a few new projects. I might be up for promotion next month.”

“Uh-huh. So you’re feeling stressed by work?”

“No, no. I love my job. And I welcome the additional responsibilities…my company believes in me.”

“Okay.”

“So don’t you want to know more about my dream?”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Okay, I’ve had enough.

“I don’t think this is working,” I said.

“What’s wrong?”

“I’ve been seeing you for five months now, and I can’t take it anymore. You don’t look at me when we talk. You don’t care about me. I want someone who really cares about what I want, what I need, what I say.”

“Excellent, Maggie!” Victoria smiled, perhaps for the first time since we’d met. “Great work articulating your concerns. Time’s up. See you next week.”

28 comments:

Lena said...

that was an interesting twist.
liked this story, wouldnt like to have such a dream though.

strugglingwriter said...

He he he. Funny ending and great dialogue.

My reaction when someone says to me “I had that dream again.” is usually "Mmm-mmm" too. :)

Ello said...

HA HA!!!!! Great ending!

harshad said...

lol! super ending....cool job!

Aerin said...

I didn't think you'd have time to do an entry! I'm so so so so so glad you did!

JR's Thumbprints said...

Nice internal dialogue; it helps with the pacing of the story.

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

Talk about negative psychology!Good one :)

laughingwolf said...

love the twist at the end ;)

Sarah Hina said...

Good one, Precie! I loved the psychological strain, and breakthrough, here. Hard love sometimes works. From passiveness to assertive, in the blink of an eye.

Very unique, and well written, interpretation. Maybe she won't be having that dream anymore. ;)

McKoala said...

funny, but sad, too.

Lauri said...

Nice twist at the end.

Chris Eldin said...

I like this one. Great dialogue, and I also felt a mixture of humor and sadness, but mostly sadness. Sufficiently opaque to leave the reader to fill in some of the blanks.
Well done!

Precie said...

Lena: Thanks! And, no, I wouldn't want to have that dream either!

strugglingwriter: Thanks! And LOL!!! I'm guessing people learn quickly not to talk about dreams. ;)

Ello: Thanks! Getting a laugh from you is a high compliment, oh, queen of comedy! After submitting tearjerkers in previous CoN contests, I really wanted to submit something funny. :)

harshad: Thank you! Glad you enjoyed it!

Aerin: :) :) :) Thanks, sweetie!

JR's Thumbprints: Thanks! When I first wrote this out, it was all dialogue so I knew I needed something. :)

Sameera: Thanks!

laughingwolf: Glad you enjoyed it!!

Sarah: Thank you! I'm glad it came across as I'd hoped. And I'm glad you liked my take on Jason's picture.

McKoala: Yes...I suppose even my humor leans toward tearjerker tendencies. :)

Lauri: Thanks!!

Chris: Thank you!!!!!!

Things are kinda busy in my corner of the world, but I hope to have some time tomorrow (Wednesday) to come back and comment on other entries!!

Precie said...

Lena: Thanks! And, no, I wouldn't want to have that dream either!

strugglingwriter: Thanks! And LOL!!! I'm guessing people learn quickly not to talk about dreams. ;)

Ello: Thanks! Getting a laugh from you is a high compliment, oh, queen of comedy! After submitting tearjerkers in previous CoN contests, I really wanted to submit something funny. :)

harshad: Thank you! Glad you enjoyed it!

Aerin: :) :) :) Thanks, sweetie!

JR's Thumbprints: Thanks! When I first wrote this out, it was all dialogue so I knew I needed something. :)

Sameera: Thanks!

laughingwolf: Glad you enjoyed it!!

Sarah: Thank you! I'm glad it came across as I'd hoped. And I'm glad you liked my take on Jason's picture.

McKoala: Yes...I suppose even my humor leans toward tearjerker tendencies. :)

Lauri: Thanks!!

Chris: Thank you!!!!!!

Things are kinda busy in my corner of the world, but I hope to have some time tomorrow (Wednesday) to come back and comment on other entries!!

JaneyV said...

Precie, I loved this. You captured the frustration of being not seen in a relationship beautifully here. Nice twist making it with therapist.

anna j said...

Like most of your comment-makers [i tried "commenters" but apparently it is not a word ;-)], I loved the twist. Great job at turning a simple moment into an intriguing story!

pjd said...

I don't know what she's so torqued about. A therapist is a lot cheaper than a husband, and this one seems to be providing exactly the same services. (Enjoyed it. :-)

The Preacherman said...

now that I did enjoy. Nice one.

Nothingman said...

I was hoping for zombies :P

no zombies in any stories this time!

the reference to sudoku was funny :)

Cheers!

N

Scott said...

That was very clever, and I love being surprised.

ceedy said...

Loved the twist....

Catvibe said...

Nice ending, very unexpected! I actually though the person he was talking to was his wife or girlfriend! I'm glad he burst through, and good job on the dream description.

Aniket Thakkar said...

Nice twist in the end! I have a couple of friends doing their masters is psychology! Would let them know the technique! :-D

Loved Pete's comment above too: "A therapist is a lot cheaper than a husband, and this one seems to be providing exactly the same services" I am laughing my ass off on this one! :-D

Aine said...

Good one, Precie! I really enjoyed reading it! Victoria sure was doing her job quite skillfully. Very nice!
:)

bluesugarpoet said...

That was funny! loved the ending - nice twist. Subtle and understated, yet reveals a powerful "ah ha."

jana

Margaret said...

Great twist, totally unexpected ending.
Such down-to-earth dialogue, very realitic. Enjoyed it :)

September said...

I am reading along and get to the ending, and I'm like, "ha?" - then I laughed. I loved this ending.
Great twist.
You did a great job getting us involved in the character and then turning the tables on us. loved it.

jason evans said...

Congratulations on the honorable mention!

Great job with pacing, entertainment value, technical skill, storytelling, and pacing! And welcome to the Forties Club!!

Thanks for being a wonderful part of the contest.