Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Entry #97

Once Upon A Time
by Terry Day


“Seven,” he counted. One for each year of his private misery. Eyes closed this time, he imagined himself a brave knight, his shiny steed racing to the mountaintop where fiery dragon awaited him. Reality slapped him with a hard tumble at the top.

Eyes open, he adjusted his loosened lace, so it hung even lower, dangling like fresh bait over the snapping metal jaws; his last hope. Making his seventh descent, he breathed a long, sad sigh. He was no knight in shining armor. He, in fact, was the one who needed rescued.

“Cinderfella,” his friends taunted when, inevitably, he had to stay home to do chores and care for two younger half-brothers. Every bleak day seemed like the one before and the one after. In nightmares, he ate soggy Fruity O’s as the sky pelted him with mounds of dirty diapers. At thirteen, he realized no magic on Earth could save him from feeling worthless and alone.

Almost noon! He had time for one more try. He was hoping for at least a cast on his leg. Then, maybe someone would finally take care of him, for a change.

Too soon, his watch beeped twelve. He saw his mother beckoning, the two trolls by her side. Time for Cinderfella to leave the mall. He knew there would be another day, another opportunity. Reaching his mother, he smiled quietly. He knew the secret passed down the ages—One shoe can, indeed, change your life.

22 comments:

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

Can really empathize with him.Well done!

Patsy said...

What an original take on both the prompt and the fairytale. Poor kid. Maybe things aren't quite as bad as they seem, but I can believe he feels trapped and put upon.

Tiffany said...

I like the perspective of a 13 year old and that he's a boy instead of girl. Nice story.

JR's Thumbprints said...

Nobody, and I mean nobody, should be pelted with dirty diapers, not even in dreams.

Lena said...

I liked the way you combined the fairy-tale with real life. And Cinderella being the boy.. quite unique. Well written!

BernardL said...

Entertaining different perspective.

Meghan said...

I enjoyed the story of "Cinderfella." Very entertaining!

Sarah Hina said...

This story was a true original, Terry. I really loved the spin on the fairy tale concept, and ached for his having to grow up before his time.

Then, maybe someone would finally take care of him really got to me. I found myself not knowing what to root for, but only wishing someone would cut him a break. Superb interpretation, and very effective writing!

B. Nagel said...

Fantastic. I love allusions and re-tellings. Very well done.

L'uragano (The Hurricane) said...

LOVE THIS!

Terry said...

Thanks to everyone for the kind, generous comments. I feel all warm and fuzzy! This is the first thing I've written for years and years, and my first try at 250. As I work my way through the entries, I see I have so much to learn, but looking forward to the journey!

Margaret said...

A real fairy-tale every day situation. Would love to rescue the poor lad and give him a life of a normal 13 year old.

Very well written...

Catvibe said...

Really well written Terry. I like the way you have the boy in his fantasies so at least he has some kind of escape from this drudgery. I get very angry at mothers who don't let their children have childhoods. Nice allusion to the Cinderella fairytale. Cinderfella! Funny!

Aine said...

LOL! Great use of an urban legend! (Or is it?...) Those snapping metal jaws supposedly love shoelaces...but I've never known a kid who actually got hurt on an escalator. I loved the creative twist you found in the photo! And I hope he'll soon find someone who does care about him.
:D

abouttothunder said...

Nicely woven tale.

bluesugarpoet said...

So many twists you've taken with a familiar tale to make it new. Nicely done. [soon enough Cinderfella will find out that it's a pair of crocks that will do the trick...so I hear...] Great story!

jana

September said...

hope he finds his princess in shiny armour to rescue him.
cute story in real world - i see it as something that can be a tv movie - make it into a script. :)

Aniket Thakkar said...

Reminded me of the novel "Snow White and the Seven Samurai"... where the whole fairy world goes topsey turvey and all knights get trapped in castles where princesses rescue them! :-D Great work Terry!

Terry said...

Thank you, everyone for taking your precious time to read and comment. I've enjoyed your stories and blog pages immensely! This place is addictive, and I'm not wanting to kick the habit.

pjd said...

Very nice. Love the two trolls bit at the end. But I have to agree with JR... being pelted with dirty diapers is simply awful.

mukta said...

Terry!
This one reads like a winner.It is a triumph. I hope you bask and glow in the warmth of goodwill of all these comments & appreciation; you deserve to be rewarded for this story!
Ok, objectively speaking, you make it fresh by breaking known stereotypes. Cinderfella- good stuff, and the angst of a kid who just wants to be taken care of- heart warming.
I loved this line: "dangling like fresh bait over the snapping metal jaws"

jason evans said...

Thanks for being a wonderful part of the contest!