Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Entry #96

Karma
by Jana Andrews


“What?!!”

“You heard me. It’s over.”

The clamor of the busy shoppers faded into the background as she was swept into this new reality with those few words.

“You prick,” she resolved through clenched teeth.

“Listen, I have my football career to think about now. It’s not every day a guy gets an opportunity like this. Besides, I’m not gonna be just another one of those teen parent statistics.”

“You are twenty.”

“Whatever. Just take one of those pills and be done with it already.”

“Should have thought of that six months ago, fool.” Hot tears rolled down her hardened jaw and splashed onto her swollen belly.

“Yeah, well, a guy’s gotta look out for himself.”

With that, Jackson turned and walked away. Stepping onto the escalator, he fixed his eyes forward in the ascent and smiled at his cleverness to end it in a crowded mall. No scene.

And then his body jolted forward at the top of the ride.

Jackson realized two truths in that moment: the escalator stopped, and the teeth of the step greedily gnawed at the hem of his jeans. He tried to disentangle himself by jerking his leg up, but his pants wouldn’t budge.

“Help!!” he screamed in panic.

Body flailing in all directions, Jackson felt something give, and then he fell forward, bare skin slapping onto the cold marble floor.

If only he had slipped on a pair of boxers – or anything – under his jeans that day.

33 comments:

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

Hurray!He deserved it :D

Good read!

Patsy said...

Oooh, what a git! She's better off without him - hope she got to see him looking stupid and realised what a loser he is.

Tan said...

You pay (or get paid) for what you do - thats Karma ...

... He might not have thought that he would get the payment so early!!

Good composition and that tear from the cheek on to her belly took a few moments away from me ... God's watching us - even if we are ascending (towards Him) ... lol!

Tiffany said...

I love it when they get what's coming to them. Great job!

JR's Thumbprints said...

You didn't waste any time setting this up. Good for you. As for Jackson, he'll be singing Boy George tunes in no time.

Tina said...

Aha, sweet karma. *claps* Jackson sure had it coming.

Lena said...

LOL she didnt even have to do anything for the revenge. That just happened!
Interesting take :)

BernardL said...

He rates -10 on the man-o-meter scale, and probably deserved far more than he got. Very entertaining.

Meghan said...

LOL! Awesome ending!

Sarah Hina said...

Ha! Instant karma's going to get you. :D

Clever ending, Jana. Really made me cringe, and laugh! And the dialogue was authentically drawn. I'm so glad he got his comeuppance (or comedownance, maybe ;)). Very ingenuous take on the prompt!

bluesugarpoet said...

Thank you so much for the kind feedback, all! Glad you enjoyed my little slice of irony. :)

I've been completely immobilized by the flu until just now, so I'm looking forward to finally being able to read all of the other entries!

Kunjal said...

God has his own way of paying the sinners:)

Margaret said...

Good riddance to him, he got what he deserved.
A great read..

Catvibe said...

That was truly a delightful ending, and not the one he had intended, ha ha!

BrownPhantom said...

Left me wondering, would the girl be as glad as we all are for the jerk's fate.

Aine said...

Nicely written story! The dialogue was great. And the last line completed the feeling of satisfaction.

Senorita said...

Nicely done... loved the end :)

pjd said...

Hee hee hee!
Wait. Is this autobiographical?

I love the "You prick," she resolved. Twisted verb choice, but it works.

Comeuppance is a bitch.

(I hope all y'all are feeling better!)

Terry said...

Jana, even though I've also been fighting the bug this week, I'm trying to get through as many stories as I can. I really enjoy your writing style. Your last line is really great! You're much nicer than I am. I would have had more than just his jeans get caught, the bastard! After reading pjd's comment, I've come up with the title for the book I will write someday about the ridiculous men that have passed through my life. How does "Prick Is Not A Verb," sound?

pjd said...

After reading pjd's comment, I've come up with the title for the book I will write someday about the ridiculous men that have passed through my life. How does "Prick Is Not A Verb," sound?

I am so proud to provide such inspiration.

Terry said...

PJD, I hope you know I was not referring to your comment in any negative way...It just sent me down a trail of thought...

bluesugarpoet said...

Terry - your comments left me laughing and clapping, hahaha! (you know peter is just being silly, right?)

Peter, "Comeuppance is a bitch," that would make another catchy book title... :)

ceedy said...

Naturally "bobitted"...liked it...

pjd said...

Terry, I thought it was hilarious. Clearly you need to get to know me better. I am very rarely serious, and even more rarely offended.

Terry said...

Well, now I can sleep tonight. Hehehehe.

Geraldine said...

P-R-I-C-K is the word! Great job with this photo prompt. I agree, he deserved what he got, big time.

Aniket Thakkar said...

Excellent story... Though he deserved much worse than that!

And one can write another story over Pete and Terry's conversation out here! lolzz! I am loving it! :-D

@ Pete: Your's and Laughingwolf's comments have been a treat to read throughout! Terry is ofcourse angelic.... she wouldn't harm a fly!

bluesugarpoet said...

Peter and Terry are a traveling duo I take with me wherever I'm writing. They juice up the comments section. Of course I hear they ham it up at the occasional wedding reception and bar mitzvah as well.

Party @ Andrews' comments! Yee haw!

(Seriously - you all are a hoot!)

RiverSoul said...

The jerk really got what he deserved, though i feel he deserved more than that
A well crafted story.
Loved the title. Maybe coz its of indian origin ;)
:)
Thanks a lot for findin time to read my story and comment on it
:)
Cheerio
:)

Jimmie Vee said...

I was hoping that the escalator would let him off in Ladie's lingerie so he could quickly find something that fit (he must be a tight end - football player joke). I like reality bites and I enjoyed your intervening "divine" revenge approach here.

Terry said...

I feel sort of special this morning--and, not in the little-yellow-bus kind of way, for a change. I think you are all just perfect.

Vesper said...

Well written story with a temporarily satisfying ending... more and worse should come to him... :-)

jason evans said...

Thanks for being a wonderful part of the contest!