Monday, April 06, 2009

The Finger, Part 3

(When a little girl finds a severed finger on the road, the finger evokes different responses in each person it passes to. If you're just joining us, go back to Part 1)

"Are you a professional asshole or something?"

"What do you mean?"

"Back there. That lady. It takes talent to be that big of an asshole."

"I've been taking classes."

"You must be top of your class."

"I'm no fucking teacher's pet."

"Someone must've pissed in your Cheerios this morning."

"She was too pretty. I hate bitches like that. They got their garlic bagels, their Starbucks coffee, their Coach handbag, their snooty fucking attitude."

"How do you know what a Coach handbag is?"

"Screw you."

"I just thought you might be holding out on me. You know, a few handbags, some high heels, pantyhose, who knows."

"You want to die today? Is that it?"

"And you're the one to do it?"


"I'm scared."

"You should be."

"So what are we supposed to do with this?"

"The finger? Looks delicious, doesn't it? I can think of some things to do with it."

"Seriously. Should we take it over to the morgue? Or over to the detectives? Nice of them to blow us off."

"Come here, big boy."

"Stop it."

"Come here...."

"Don't wave that thing at me!"

"Come.... Follow me...."

"That's sacrilegious, man."

"Or how about this?"

"Disgusting! Get that away from your nose!"

"What? Smells good."

"That's sick."

"No. This is sick."

"Oh, Jesus."

"You like?"

"What if that's a guy's finger? You want a guy's finger touching your crotch?"

"This is no guy's finger, dumbass. Look at it."

"I'm not looking down there."

"She's good. I'm telling you. You want some?"

"You wish someone would put their finger down there."

"Hey, I got an idea. You ever finger your wife?"

"Shut the fuck up."

"Well, have you?"

"I'm serious."

"She might want to be fingered. You wanna borrow this for a while?"

"You don't fucking talk about my wife!"

"Lookie here. You just-- OW!"

"I told you!"

"That fucking hurt!"

"Next one's in the head, I swear."

"Jesus. You're no fun."

"Just put it down and stop playing with it."

"Christ. Whatever. That better not bruise."

"Just show some respect, asshole."

On to Part 4.
Go back to Part 2.


Aniket said...

"I just thought you might be holding out on me. You know, a few handbags, some high heels, pantyhose, who knows"

I was laughing out loud over this line.

These cops sure are fun. Could use these characters on further cases too. :-)

I totally loved the conversation. THIS is how we guys used to talk back in college. Good days...

Bravo Jason!

Catvibe said...

What species would you say that guy was. Something that missed an entire brain portion, clearly. Great job on dialogue, what a creep!

the walking man said...

Quite the scene: the asshole cop has no respect for the living but worries about respect for a dead finger pointing at his wife?

Strange how we compartmentalize things.

Vesper said...

Excellent dialogue, Jason! And the black humour too... :-)

Karen said...

These are the guys you love to hate. Great dialogue -- that's such a hard thing to do.

Sarah Hina said...

The one guy became a cop to get back at the world. Those kind are truly scary. The games and havoc he'll wreak just to flex his authority. Nice character insight, Jason.

And very authentic back-and-forth. I can't say I enjoyed it, but that's because the revulsion felt so visceral. Well done! :)

Margaret said...

That bloody, big-mouthed cop that "hates bitches like that", certainly has a huge inferiority complex. Wonder when he last had a woman? If he ever had one!

Lively dialogue Jason.

What must the poor finger think of all this!

Jennifer said...

This is extremely well done, Jason, and I know becuase it totally pissed me off. :) Pitch perfect anti-woman asshole dialogue. Great "voice"!

Word veri: herspitz. Yes, her does spit. On the cop. And then clocks him with her Coach bag. ;)

JR's Thumbprints said...

Abso-fucking-lutely loved the dialogue.

Anonymous said...

Aniket, definitely a male conversation. Especially in its form of wickedness.

Catvibe, while the darkness of one of them runs deep, the other shows different colors.

Walking Man, I get the impression that the cop who is offended here didn't agree with the other's conduct, yet he did nothing to stop him. You're right. His line is curious.

Vesper, thanks! It's disturbing and funny. But probably more disturbing.

Karen, thank you for your feedback on the technical aspects of dialogue! I especially like the challenge of showing action through dialogue.

Sarah, I'm sorry for the revulsion factor, but I'm happy it was effective and believable. With this series, I'm exploring lines. When the presence of the finger causes something to click in people. To show their boundaries.

Margaret, I agree. There's a great deal of inferior feelings fueling that abrasiveness. One wonders what he would turn to if he didn't have the power of his job to push people around.

Jennifer, one of them is protective, at least. Too bad he didn't stand up to his partner for Carmen's sake, however. He become complicit in his silence.

JR, awesome!

K.Lawson Gilbert said...

Oh, wow! This is better than a movie! I have to echo what has been said - and I have said it so many times in the past...great dialogue - very realistic (maybe unfortunately in this case lol)and really flows like a conversation WOULD flow.

It is incredible where you have taken this so far. You are dazzling me with your skills and talent.

Tarun Chandel said...

Waah! (wow in another laguage)

Tarun Chandel

Naxcz said...

I didn't know if I'll laugh or get sick at that dialogue. But it was very realistic, as it was able to disgust me. These cops sure are morbidly funny! Nice, Jason!

Anonymous said...

Kaye, thank you for the feedback and the very kind words. :) I greatly appreciate hearing what I'm doing right.

Tarun, very cool in any language. Thanks!

Naxcz, that's the perfect reaction! Partly sick, partly funny. At the same time, I wanted to show a line of humanity in the midst of this ugliness.