Lux in Tenebris
by laughingwolf
At age 12, hottie Jackson Brown was seduced and sodomized by his 16-year-old cousin while they showered together.
He liked it.
For the next two years they were occasional lovers, until, camping one night, Jack smothered him, burned their lodgings, and sustained minor burns to his hands as proof he'd tried to help.
Ten years later, seminary graduate Father Brown was assigned to a remote parish where he resumed his evil ways.
Over the next 35 years he lost track of the number of children he'd buggered and forced to fellate him, his Church conveniently moving him in dicey times.
Superiors suspected he may have killed the dozen gone missing in that period, but lacking evidence, shrugged it off.
Sent back to Boston, Jack lured two angelic-looking lads, Mario and Damian, into his lair, buying their silence with vague salvation promises and cheap ecumenical trinkets. Damian was especially winsome with his blue eyes, clear skin and shock of red hair.
Following a late Eucharist, Jack continued to imbibe in the potent sacramental wine back in his quarters. His reverie was interrupted by a timid knock at the door. Lurching to open it, he was pleased to see Damian there.
Reseated, he raised his cassock as the boy kneeled before him.
Then, horrified, watched as the shapeshifting transpired.
The sharp-toothed demon seemed to smirk.
"Time to meet your unMaker, Jack."
It then ripped him to shreds.
Before it reverted back to "Damian", its teeth shone... like a light in the darkness.
Thursday, July 09, 2009
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71 comments:
Yow. Very stark story of vengeance. Hits in the gut.
Cool, my cup of tea. Excellent
alex
thx josh and wrath, appreciate it :)
Makes you very uncomfortable and invokes strong emotion--a sign you did your job as a writer! I'm glad for the vengeance at the end, but still, does it really undo anything?
thx chris... it may not undo anything but it stops something...
Woo! I was all ready to get a lynch mob and then you came up with the perfect ending!
Definitely makes you uncomfortable - which means you were doing your job.
The narrative was great for getting us all the information we needed, because it's such a short word count - but I'd love to see how you'd flesh this out in a full short story. If the narrative made us uncomfortable, I'd bet getting it in action through the character would give us palpatations.
thx ello and merry...
as for expansion, a possibility, merry :)
A hideous man. He deserved the vengeance of the demon child.
thx cat, appreciate it :)
Wolfie! I thought you would be out of town for this contest! Yay that you aren't!!!
Difficult piece, you don't pull your punches, and you keep the plotline moving along. Says as much about us as voyeurs, I think, as anything.
For fleshing it out, as Merry said, keep in mind that /all/ seminaries since about 1998 have required courses on sex & power & the abuse thereof - Catholic or not - so make sure you set it a little further back.
Oooh! Read Daemon Hunters before, but daemon being a hunter, for good, is the first one. Liked the 'unMaker' part. :D
Good stuff mate!
aerin, i got a new puppy in june, instead of september/october like i thought initially, so called to tell them i'll drive down next spring or summer, once he's a year old, or so
thx for the tip, i'll bear that in mind once i think more of expanding the tale, though i did not intend this tale to be current
thx aniket, took me some time to come up with a suitable ending ;)
Hey now, you touched a nerve with this one. I'm Cathlick, even been fired by a Cathlick priest in Detroit. The real kicker is his cousin: Guido Sarducci from Saturday Night Live. I was wondering who would expose a priest in "The Truth In Wine" Contest. Good job.
(Spelling is deliberate.)
thx jr, happy to oblige ;) lol
and yez, i figgered yer spailing wuz delibberut :O
Viscerally gratifying. The only thing one would wish for is that Jack might have found Damian sooner than 35 years into his abusal of vows and boys.
Awesome!
thx laurel, appreciate it :)
Whoa. Dark and twisted, with an appropriate ending. Good job, Wolfie!
There must be a special circle in Hell for these guys. Glad to see one more on his way there...
Go, Wolfie!
One of those justice endings you wish would occur.
Ooof! That was a brutal thump to the solar plexis. Brilliantly done!
sandra, karen, charles, tessa... thank you so much, really appreciated :)
Wow, Wolf, you've pulled no punches here - a disturbing, gripping read - and I'm glad he was "got" in the end! Great stuff!
aww thx, a v, appreciate it :)
Wow. Stark and brutal. Nicely written.
thank you, precie, appreciate it...
like the way you narrated the story. It gives the feeling that we are moving with Brown. Must say equally justified end. Good work:)
my thanks, kunjal :)
Especially love the casual way he flips up his cassock at the end. Pride certainly went before that fall.
Great job, LW. And I, too, might like to see this expanded. Might be too creepy for me though. Really well done.
thx sarah... still pondering, have a few other things to complete first
Revenge comes in many forms. This was quite a payback! well done!
This really bothered me, laughingwolf.
Which is to say... evocative. You've penned a thought-provoking piece.
Well done.
This is Punch The Air stuff.
mona, therese and whirl thank you so much, really appreciate your comments :)
ah a dark tale I can empathise with -- just that 35 long years for the devil-in-disguise the just desserts is long overdue. Still, I enjoyed every byte!
thank you, desi...
at least i was not 55! ;)
Bloody hell!!! Very disturbing. Really good stuff though. Really good.
Four Dinners
A pleasant ending to an unpleasant life.
the first two lines are so stark and horrifying one just can't look away.
i had to google the title, which enlightened me to the ending - nice work.
[that should read IT was not 55, above, in desi's reply]
preach, pete and joaquin, thank you, much appreciated :)
It's too bad there wasn't a Damian for every one of those Father Browns in real life. Great story.
Love the casual, almost absent-minded evilness of the Father...very authentic.
bernard and kurt, thank you, much appreciated... :)
I do like a bit of Karmic revenge.
I liked that it was all so matter-of-fact, right up to the part where he got ripped to shreds. My kinda dealing with it :-)
terri, thx so much...
I loved it, the sinner in the church, the molesting - all narrated in a removed manner, yet bone chilling. And the end was... whoa! I dont have the words.
aditi, thx so much, greatly appreciated :)
Very nice. Love that wicked but necessary ending!
kj, thank you... appreciate your comments :)
Laughingwolf, you stun me. Your cold, emotionless narrative amplifies the sin and the sinner(s). I absolutely adore the angel-demon character. You've mixed up good/evil at every level and yet you've kept the story just. Fantastic!
Great job in pulling out the emotions of your readers. Really, I was very disturbed, which is not easy to do with me.
Truth in honesty. Excellent.
I accidentally mixed up my comments between stories, so here are my thoughts for you:
I especially like your application of justice. The story effectively draws out my emotions and then drops the axe.
ranee, dottie and jade... thank you for your kind comments, really appreciate it :)
Wolfie! Man can you pack a punch! So many vicious lines casually whacking the reader with such force. Powerful piece my lupine friend!
janey, what a wonderful comment... thank you so much :)
The end was not surprising...but it was ironic and the writing was brilliant... well written...
Blog Gore
Brutal! Great writing here - you gave us the history and then moved forward a few decades - all flowing smoothly and in so little words. Great job with that. That ending too...wow! Brutal indeed.
atmm and september, thx for your kind comments... that's what helps keep me wordsmithing :)
I see we both had the same thing in mind while writing our stories. Priests and child molesting - very sad topic.
You did a great job here. Brilliant ending!
sad indeed... :(
thx margaret, yours is great!
I knew with a name like Damien something was up, but not like that. [shivers]
thx jc, a deliberate name choice :)
angela, thx so much :)
This one, out of all the entries I've had a chance to read, was probably the darkest and most disturbing, so kudos for that.
thx fox, i have therefore succeeded in that effort :)
Disturbing stuff, Wolfie. I agree that an expanded version would be fabulously horrific, have a think about it.
High marks for pacing. Demons passing judgment. I like that twist. Seems like the priest is the demon.
thx mc, mostly a slice of life...
jason, thank you
i agree, he was....
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