Thursday, July 09, 2009

Entry #10

by Shadow

you entered my life so full of dreams
promised to fill me up to extremes
i listened, i followed, i chose to trust you
believed your stories, the visions you drew
i stuck with you when light turned dark
believed when you said, over there is a spark
blindly followed the trail you laid out
believed i could reach it, not an ion of doubt
and even when others misgivings were uttered
i stood by you, drawing closed open shutters
to be alone with you my friend
'cause you’re all i had, i had to defend
to protect my wishes, for they had become
overwhelmingly dire, they left me numb

‘til there came a time you left me alone
deserted, stranded, on paths overgrown
with needs immense and dreams blown apart
without a compass a path to chart
through fears and pain and long, long tears
i shrugged you off and wiped off the smears
you left in my life, maybe tainted not broken
and slowly rebuilt that which had fallen
along the wayside and in disrepair
i lost some hope but didn’t despair
to find some warmth, some light, the sun
towards common sense and also reason
you were a temporary foul distraction
but i left you behind on this path i have chosen


Chris Eldin said...

Wow. Beautifully drawn. Painful, but with a hopeful ending. I'm glad she made her own path at the end.

Laurel said...

Some really good lines in here. I particularly like "overwhelmingly dire, they left me numb" and "temporary foul distraction."

The picture of a destructive relationship severing the connection to everyone important is well drawn.

OOOH! Check it out: wvs is "flybin." If it was a real word it would fit somewhere in your poem!

laughingwolf said...

shadow, with each new post your talent just continues to shine :)

Katherine Napier said...

I've known many people who loved their alcohol like this, and far fewer have chosen sobriety than I'd like to think about. This is a great example of how deep that connection can be, and how foul it can turn.

Aniket Thakkar said...

The poets are on a roll this time. :P

Loved the end. Hopeful and strong.

And I know I'll be stepping on so many poetic feet here when I say, I still love poetry the most when it rhymes. :D But then, am speaking just for myself.

The rhymes didn't seem forced at all and you wove a nice message around them. Great work!

JRVogt said...

Poignant. The lines flow so well, they draw you to the end without a pause.

Unknown said...

Shadow, this is a most excellent poem, and one I can relate to. As far as relating to the wine, I could see this as a conversation with addiction, and one in which the protagonist won. Great Shadow!

Merry Monteleone said...

Really great work... I especially liked:

til there came a time you left me alone
deserted, stranded, on paths overgrown

But overall, I loved your meter - it flowed really well and was very evocative.

JR's Thumbprints said...

I've always had difficulty with poetry, but from a story standpoint, you moved the piece quite well.

Tessa said...

The evocative prose sucks the reader into this lonely journey. Great depth - very well done, Shadow!

Sarah Laurenson said...

This is wonderful and I can so relate! Thank you for writing this piece.

The Preacherman said...

Like Katherine I sensed alcohol in this - probably cause I'm a happy alcoholic! ;-)

Love the upbeat ending to a beautifully written sad poem.

Four Dinners

PJD said...

I struggled with it a little bit until I read some of the comments and >whack< was hit over the head with th clue stick that this is about addiction. After I got the clue, I really liked it. Very tough.

Gughan said...

After the first part, I thought I had got the theme of the poem. I was sooo wrong.

Hope and time get one always back in track.

Dottie Camptown said...

I really like how you personify alcoholism. Great writing.

Jade L Blackwater said...

This comment was meant for you, but I accidentally posted it in the #11 story's comments:

Truth in honesty. Excellent.

Nicely done,


Margaret said...

Superb poem Shadow - really love how you described the addiction to alcohol in verse. Love the happy end.

JaneyV said...

The struggle to wean yourself away from dependance is well told. I love that you left it on a hopeful note.

Sonia said...

And then turn sober. I like the rhyme in the poem but I like the message the most.

Anonymous said...

Picking up the pieces of hurt and going forward. So hard.