Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Entry #125

Social Drama Queen
by Rusty La Violette

She was a drama queen and liked to drop a good line now and then, especially when a new person joined our social group. Her life wasn’t run of the mill, and if the truth were known, she actually watered it down a bit.

“My first husband was a convicted murderer,” she would start. “Spent seventeen years in prison. I married him three months after he got out. He was nice enough but ran whenever things got tough. He said in the joint you didn’t have to think. But, he was a flagrant womanizer, so I divorced him. Then he died.”

“The next one was different,” she would say as she sipped from her wine glass. “What seemed at first firmness and stability became brutality. He was a child abusing bastard and a flagrant womanizer, so I divorced him. (She’d pause.) Then he died.”

The next was studying to be a minister, he’d said. A secret drinker at first, he then openly flaunted his drug and alcohol use. Also, he was a bigamist with six kids. Besides, he was a flagrant womanizer, so I divorced him. Then he died.”

“I was single for ten years after that, but married again.” Then she lowered her voice almost to a whisper. “My current marriage is my last. We’re in this for the long haul. He is honorable and has integrity, and you know what? He doesn’t womanize. Guess he heard about my nickname, ‘the black widow’. Nope! He doesn’t womanize at all.”

21 comments:

JR's Thumbprints said...

For a minute I thought the narrator might be telling us this from the convenience of her own cell.

Laurel said...

That last paragraph was a great twist. And it sounds like she finally married someone with some sense.

Not a particularly likable protagonist but definitely not boring!

Katherine Napier said...

Wow, you captured my ex-mother-in-law PERFECTLY, except for Norm (her 4th husband)was also a flagrant womanizer. She divorced him.

Then he died.

I love the flow of this piece and how easily it made me laugh.

Catvibe said...

Thank you for bringing such delightful humor into this contest. I giggled the entire way through this.

WV=punchem and you did.

laughingwolf said...

why'd any guy want to marry her? sounds REALLY old now! ;) lol

Hoodie said...

A good man is so hard to find! ;)

Nicely told.

Therese said...

I second JR's comment.

Liked the beat to it. Nice pace, with the repetition. "Then he died." Hee!

joaquin carvel said...

i like the story & the twist - i was just surprised to hear her boast about it so blatantly. seems a gal like this would be a bit more coy. but the humor is delightfully dark and you tell an enjoyable tale.

Ayodele Morocco-Clarke said...

Any story that can make me laugh gets my vote. :-) Nice one.

Mona said...

LOL! she developed quite a reputation. Well, the last one seems to be true marriage as far as the definition of marriage is concerned!

Liz said...

Very true to life. I liked the sweet ending. I hope that her marriage is built to last, finally. :)

Absolute Vanilla (and Atyllah) said...

Heh-heh - smart man that last husband... Good and entertaining read - loved the rhythm that ran through the piece. Good job!

Deb S said...

LOL!

pjd said...

Here's why I'll never leave my wife: Her ex-boyfriends turned out to be (a) gay, (b) a priest, and (c) on Love Connection. Who knows what would be in store for me? (OK, there is the one ex of hers that turned out to retire from Microsoft at 35 and is rolling in cash to this day.)

LOL @ Katherine Napier.

I really like the way you've done this. My one quibble is I would prefer it without the nickname Black Widow appearing. I like the potential sinister aspect of the character to remain subtle, implied. But it can obviously go either way since this works well.

BernardL said...

Very entertaining. :)

Nothingman said...

I think she'll kill him for fuck's sake :P

Cool story...

N

Aerin said...

"For a minute I thought the narrator might be telling us this from the convenience of her own cell."

....erm, yes, her own padded cell.....

Aniket said...

Oh I thoroughly enjoyed reading this.

I could practically hear Catherine Zeta Jones singing 'He had it coming...' from the movie Chicago.

Two thumbs up for sheer entertainment.

JaneyV said...

Womanizers have a disastrously short lifespan. Love the repetition. Funny and clever.

September said...

LOL - I laughed through the whole thing. I actually thought at the end, her last would turn around and kill her. This was really good. Funny.
Katherine: - your comment LOL too.

Very nicely written, Rusty.
Very humerous. Loved it.

jason evans said...

Wow. Now that's a party conversation! No womanizying. That sounds like pretty good advice.

Very high scoring.

Welcome to The Forties Club!