Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Entry #127

The End Marks The Beginning
by Ayodele Morocco-Clarke


“Ashes to ashes, dust to dust,” the priest intoned as he sprinkled bits of earth on the wooden coffin lying in the grave.

Yvonne looked on completely numb, wondering how fate could have dealt her such a cruel hand. Her brain could not process the fact that her vivacious little angel was gone forever. No more patter of tiny feet running through the house; No more tight cuddles and wet kisses; No more sweet smelling hair; No more… No more….NO MORE!!! her mind screamed, and for the first time since the accident, she broke down and wept bitterly; Great big wracking sobs which emanated from the core of her being and shook her tiny frame.

What sort of monster gets behind the wheel of a car completely inebriated? How can someone just wipe away another person’s life in a single reckless irresponsible moment?

Danielle’s agonising, dying screams reverberated in Yvonne’s head and she knew that though it was too late for her daughter, she was the only person who could ensure that this drunk driver never hurt anyone else.

That same evening saw her standing outside a non-descript building, determined to put an end to the drunk. She took a seat in a room and waited for her turn and when it did, she got to her feet slowly with tears streaming down her face and let out the truth; words that formed the basis of the wreckage in her life.

“My name is Yvonne Flemming and I’m an alcoholic.”


[Ayodele Morocco-Clarke is a Nigerian of mixed heritage currently living in the United Kingdom. She likes to describe herself as a stubbornly unconventional individual determined to push the conservative boundaries of society. Some of her work has been published in literary magazines and others are forthcoming in anthologies of short fiction.]

35 comments:

JR's Thumbprints said...

I deal with these type of individuals on a daily basis. At first I thought this was a revenge piece--nice turn at the end.

Laurel said...

Ditto to JR. Very nice turn at the end although it makes it a terribly sad story.

wrath999 said...

Very well done

alex

Absolute Vanilla (and Atyllah) said...

A tragic story, well handled - and the turn at the end was inspired.

Catvibe said...

Wow! The shock of the last line brought tears to my eyes. I thought she was going to kill someone! Well done.

hilary said...

Got me going... a sad tale with a very good twist

Hx

Margaret Hepburn said...

Excellent story, very sad and moving at the end when she came to terms with her addiction.

Aileen Dawson said...

Well done Susan, there is nothing wrong with a few "lay-man" english terms! keep writing on...xxx

Aileen

laughingwolf said...

aa may help, but not always...

well done :)

Hoodie said...

You pulled the twist of incredibly. I honestly didn't see it coming.

Heartbreaking. Very nice work.

Sarah Macaulay said...

OMG! Morocco, you ROCK. It isn't often that a writer delivers a killer last line that leaves the reader dumbfounded. I honestly did not see that coming. Still waiting for that book of yours to be released girlfriend.

Ayodele Morocco-Clarke said...

Thanks guys. Thanks for taking the time to read it. All your comments are much appreciated. :)

Fiona Macaualy said...

I echo the comments from previous readers. Very well executed at the end. Didn't see that one coming. Well done sis.

Mona said...

This is a great story. I love the twist in the end!

Clearly, atonement is always better than punishment. It will not only redeem her, but make her forgive herself. A story of Hope . I like it immensely :)

Christina said...

Very well done. I could feel her torment at her loss. Great twist.

Anonymous said...

It was a good read. You seem to have developed a knack for giving the readers the unexpected at the end. Keep it up, it will keep readers coming back....


oghogho joy

Aimee Laine said...

Fantastic ending! Did not see it coming at all! And man, what a prison she'll be in for the rest of her life.

Deb S said...

Yes, good twist at the end. Didn't see it coming.

Ello said...

That was really excellent. Beautifully done.

quin browne said...

the ending was a nice tweak.

BernardL said...

Well said.

Nothingman said...

Don't blame the alcohol, blame the driver. Good story. Funny, I must say.

N

Aerin said...

I knew what was coming but it didn't lessen the anguish any.

Not sure how Nothingman thinks it's funny - to each his own, obviously - maybe it's the idea of anyone - alcoholic or not - losing a child that gets to me -

pjd said...

Like Aerin, I don't see any humor in it at all. Unlike Aerin, I did not see the final line coming.

Sarah Laurenson said...

I'm with the pack here - did not see that coming. Excellent job!

Angela said...

I was gripped from beginning to the end! Loved the emotion you conveyed and the twist was a great way to end it! Well done!

Anonymous said...

I completely agree with Angela. There are lots of good stories in this competition and many of which I have really enjoyed reading, but this is probably my best one. Like most, I found the last line unexpected. Pure genius. Well done.

IVOR STANISLAV

Aniket said...

A very sad tale indeed.

And you really pulled off the twist extremely well.

It was a shocker to me.
I loved the piece.

Carrie said...

This piece reduced me to tears, the only story in the contest to do so - and for me, the gaining of an emotional response from the reader is what writing is all about.

Excellent piece. My readers' choice.

Ayodele Morocco-Clarke said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ayodele Morocco-Clarke said...

I'll like to say a massive thank you to everyone who read this piece and an even bigger thanks to those of you who not only read it, but also took the time to leave a feedback.

It makes a writer's day when people enjoy her work and what makes it extra special is when a glowing review is rendered by a jury of one's peers.

Thanks a bunch guys.

JaneyV said...

Ayodele - i had thought that you'd written a very satisfying revenge piece. The end was a complete surprise to me and it made an already excellent piece of writing even better. Well done.

September said...

Poignant! I did not see that ending coming at all and it brought me to tears - the only story thus far that has.
Bravo for her for getting that killer - but, oh, the price she has to pay.
And the portrayal of the child she will be missing - the wet kisses, etc., so beautifully written.
Extremely well done.

September said...

rereading my comment - just want to add that yes, I did catch that the killer was herself.

jason evans said...

Oh wow. I didn't see that coming. That hit hard. Great impact!

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