Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Entry #151

Drunken Semantics
by JaneyV


“In vino veritas. Bollocks innit?”

“Whad’you mean?”

“I’m sayin’ that people just blurt out uncomfortable facts when they’re shitfaced - like stuff they regret…but that’s not…Truth.”

“Still clueless.”

“Let’s say just coz I’m drunk, I admitted to bonking the new temp when I was bladdered at the office party. That’s just a snapshot in time. It doesn’t tell you how meaningless it was and how desperately sorry I might be. Important facts like how deeply I love you and how shit-scared I now am, might be overshadowed by such a revelation. So even though it might be a fact – it’s not really the whole truth is it?”

“Ah - I see what you mean. It’s an aberration of truth. Like looking through the bottom of a glass that makes the bit in the middle all huge and all the bits around - um - blurry.”

“That’s exactly what I mean. Truth should be whole, don’t you think – for it to be really truthful?”

“Damn right! And because I’m currently squiffy I might tell you that I shagged the stripper at my hen party after doing 15 shots of tequila, but that in no way reflects the truth of how completely I love you and how I would never jeopardise our relationship by doing anything that stupid again.”

“Right! - So it’s just bollocks innit?”

“Absolutely. But - for our marriage’s sake -I think we’d both better give up the booze.”

“Ain’t that the truth.”

40 comments:

Aerin said...

JANEY YOU MADE IT!

It's hilarious! -I love it!

laughingwolf said...

that's precious, janey! lol

Karen said...

So -- saving the best for last, are we? This is fabulous! I love, love, love it!

Mona said...

Great story! I love it and I love the title, which gives it more significance,
or shall I say 'meaning'?

Laurel said...

Hilarious! Great pace and punchline. Awesome!

Ello said...

Oh my gosh I snorted like a piggy! That was awesome!!!!!

JR's Thumbprints said...

What can I say? Nice parallax!

Ranee Kaur Banerjee said...

Janey, there's so much to this story--it's definitely on my top 5. I love the theme; I love the voices; I love the careless, casual, cat and mouse playing with truth and deceit. I envy you your effortless expertise

Precie said...

Oh, Janey! That's brilliant! Love the distinct voices, the revelations, the view through the bottom of the wine glass. Absolutely brilliant!

Shadows said...

So unfair...the Europeans have extra-awesome vocabularies available. Good job. Loved it!

Absolute Vanilla (and Atyllah) said...

Still chortling and chuckling, Janey! (and so glad to see you made it!) This was just brilliant!

Deb S said...

Love it! Great voice.

JaneyV said...

Thanks everyone for your kind words and encouragement. I'm working my way back through the entries, just trying to get them read. Then the commenting begins. Looks like a busy weekend and I'm looking forward to it. xxx

Hoodie said...

Excellent piece, Janey! Well-paced and perfectly humorous.

Terri said...

hehehe, a great bit of humour, much enjoyed (and needed in amongst all the death & destruction brought on, apparently, by a glass of red wine..!)

quin browne said...

oops!

Aniket said...

Heyyyyyyy!

Sorry I took so long. I'm still stuck on 120 and moving towards finishing all. But I had to hop over here as soon as I read your comment.

The greatest of philosophical talks are made when we are drunk right? I was wearing a big smile all the way through this piece. They say over-drinking breaks marriages, but I think thats the only thing keeping them together. The characters like you are such a hoot.

I needed this so badly right now. I am so pissed with my team lead right now that I am this close of quitting the job right now. But times are bad so should think more judiciously. Besides, your piece made me lose all my temper. :D :D

Aniket said...

You see the temper is causing me to write 'right now' twice up there.

PS: Do you like the song 'Flo Rida - Right round'. Been listening to it day in -day out ever since I saw 'The Hangover'... uber awesome movie.

The Preacherman said...

More humour! Love it!

No it won't stop me getting bladdered...;-)



Four Dinners

Catvibe said...

I love it! I admit I thought, how did he do 'it' after 15 shots of tequila, OMG! But really enjoyed it, loved the philosophical sloppy drunk tone, and laughed at the ending.

Catvibe said...

Oh, got the gender's wrong. That explained 'it'. :-D Well then, it's perfect innit?

Sarah Laurenson said...

This is so funny. Awesome job, Janey!

JaneyV said...

Thanks again folks. I'm glad to be able to bring a little light-hearted drunkenness into the arena.

My schedule this week has made it very difficult for me to comment on everyones but I am getting through them all. Slowly. ;0)

September said...

hilarious - i laughed hard - i can just see the two drunks talking, drinking more as they talked....
funny. great work, Janey.

pjd said...

I am so glad that I got to meet you in London. This is SOOO much more special knowing you, both online and in person. Please please please PLEASE PLEASE turn this into a full one-act play. Oh my god you'd have local community theaters lining up to perform it. Two sloppy, lovable, character-flawed drunks that are truly perfect for each other...

Jane, you are my idol. Thank you thank you thank you for bringing some levity into this bloodbath of a contest. (Note to big f'ing bazooka guy, Janey might just have vacuumed the floor with your remains. We'll have to see, after I sober up.)

Charlene said...

I actually laughed out loud for this one.
Fabulous writing!

BernardL said...

Outstanding!

sandra seamans said...

Loved it!

Leah said...

I really enjoyed this one.

Dottie Camptown said...

So funny and great. I liked both of the characters. This story was a breath of fresh air.

Tessa said...

My god, along with all your other talents, you write like a dream as well! Original, sublimely funny and oh so well written. Has to be a winner - bravo!

J.C. Montgomery said...

Took me a few moments to compose myself so I could leave a comment.

Bloody well done!

Chris Eldin said...

Brilliant!!! I'm soooo glad I caught this one, I'm desperately trying to read them all. I think I got to 115, then decided to start from 158 and work backwards.

Anyway, this is brilliant writing!!! I love these characters, and ditto what PJD said---make this into a play!!! Too funny!! You're very, very good with dialogue. And you have all that extra vocabulary because you're European.
;-)

JaneyV said...

Aww fanks everyone. You're all fabulously kind and generous. It's a treat to be in your company.

Aniket - for goodness sake - don't quit your job. Where else are you going to find a job where you can read blogs and do facebook all day while you're getting paid????

Rabid Fox said...

I'm on board with everyone else who thought the humor was top drawer in this little tale. Very sincere dialogue that goes a long way.

Deb S said...

Congrats on the multiple awards! Loved the story.

Deb Smythe

McKoala said...

Brilliant. Hilarious. Love it!

Robin S. said...

Gorgeous and perfect!

jason evans said...

That was great! I love how they slid these huge revelations in an academic conversation. But then again, maybe they weren't so huge in the end.

Perfect score.

Congratulations on Fourth Place and Readers' Choice, 1st Place!!

Jaye Wells said...

The voice and humor here are dead on. I really enjoyed this one. Congrats on the 4th place and readers' choice awards!