Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Entry #152

You Never Call Me
by J. M. Poirot


Three hours later, I poured myself another glass of red wine then sat in the darkness staring at it. The crystal glinted through the shadows, beckoning. I was reaching for it when I heard the door opening. Then I dropped my hand. It was futile. The glass seemed a mile away.

“Nice of you to show up,” I said, blinking as the hallway light hit my eyes. I didn’t even look up as the keys hit the dining table.

“Are you sulking again? You know how stressful my job is,” came the snippy reply.

“Dinner got cold so I dumped it in the trash,” I shot back.

There was no response to this. Finally, I asked, “What is so difficult about returning my fucking phone calls?”

I heard a muffled “sorry” behind me as she pulled her cashmere sweater over her head. Yeah, it didn’t sound like a heartfelt apology to me either. Then, she rubbed my shoulders.

“No, I’m not in the mood,” I pushed her hands away.

“Jim, I’m really tired of this.”

“Yeah, me too.”

“I already apologized. What do you want me to do? Go crucify myself?” I rubbed my jaw as I considered this.

“Yeah maybe,” I said then looked at her. She was so incredibly beautiful. She grabbed her stuff and knocked over my wine with her bag. The wine splattered against the new khaki pants I bought just for tonight. As I heard the door slam, I covered my face with my hands.

23 comments:

laughingwolf said...

nasty, he...

Mona said...

how sad...that it should come to this...anywhere...

Laurel said...

Poor Jim. He needs to drink the rest of the wine and find himself a nice girl. Maybe not quite so pretty.

Good story.

J. M. said...

Thanks guys for reading and commenting! I really appreciate that. This is my first blog post ever. Yay! So glad you connected with the character.

Aerin said...

Effective dialogue and characterization; nicely written

JR's Thumbprints said...

New khaki pants? Just for tonight? I sense a storm brewing. Welcome to the blogosphere, J.M.

Ranee Kaur Banerjee said...

I definitely connected with the character. I felt for him. I felt with him. This may be your first blogpost but I'm absolutely sure the second is close.

Deb S said...

Nice job on the character portrayal!

Hoodie said...

A powerful glimpse into the intracacies of relationsips.

Very nicely crafted. Realistic and evocative.

Terri said...

Well done on your first post - it is realistic enough to make me feel sad and want to shake them both a bit.

The Preacherman said...

That'll teach him for being a house husband! Wimp! ;-)


First blogpost ever? One to be proud of old bean. Very well written indeed.



Four Dinners

Catvibe said...

And good riddance I say. That's one relationship he is far better off without. Nicely written, great flow and visuals.

September said...

sad, but an all-too-common description of many relationships.
good work - i could picture the whole thing

September said...

sad, but an all-too-common description of many relationships.
good work - i could picture the whole thing

pjd said...

She's sacrificing herself for his benefit. That's how she sees it. To him, though, she's ignoring the one thing he wants from her. If only people would understand that what you're providing isn't always what the other person wants to get... and that instead of thinking of the other person as ungrateful trying to find a way to meet in the middle... that's where successful relationships live. He can't expect her to see what he wants through that sarcastic, caustic treatment. She shouldn't expect him to appreciate something he doesn't appreciate.

On the surface, I just didn't much like either character. I found I didn't have much patience for them. When I gave it a few minutes to sink in and another read, I saw the same thing in this couple that I've seen in several long-married couples. Some work their way through it; others don't.

These two fail.

BernardL said...

Learning to enjoy what's in hand rather than striking out at what's not is a difficult concept to grasp.

Leah said...

It's so sad when two people are on two totally different wave-lengths and both pushing each other's buttons and not really communicating but we see the guy's deeper self at the end. Very well done.

Dottie Camptown said...

I think Hoodie said it, but very evocative. Very well-written.

Aniket said...

Bravo for the first post.

Great character building. Very believable too.

And its much like the first kill you know. The anxiety and the rush. It gets easier from the next time but the excitement always remains.

PS: No, I haven't killed anyone... Just a few characters in my stories here and there. :D Just fooling around. :D :D

Chris Eldin said...

What PJD said. This kind of push and pull in a relationship is hard to capture. I think you did it very well. Lots of gray area for sure. I enjoyed this because I like reading about real people. Flawed people who are just trying...

JaneyV said...

You painted a very vivid people of how two people are meant to be apart. These characters lack of respect and empathy for each other was their undoing. You showed that beautifully.

JaneyV said...

I meant to say "a very vivid piece..." Sorry for being so mushy-brained.

jason evans said...

Sometimes the friction is just too big. Even though we know they are both right and both wrong, we feel as stuck as they do. Great!

Perfect score.

Welcome to The Forties Club!