Thursday, July 09, 2009

Entry #19

Alter Ego
by Blany Ashwin Francis Rosario


Twilight played hide and seek. Travis’s satin cloak fluttered in the blustery weather on the cemetery hill entrenched with viper hisses and bob cat cries. Seven shots of " Strathisla Whisky" made Travis soar in heaven. Travis was soliloquizing his past as the mind visualized it.

Two quarters back ,Eva his teenage daughter was strolling on her treadmill. The day when he first showed symptoms, thanks to his visit to the physician’s workplace. Travis confronted Eva to get off the machine as its reverberation agitated him. Eva refused and Travis couldn't resist, he forced Eva down and her immature visage got battered on the treadmill. Eva demised the same day leaving his family shattered.

Travis’s wife had him counseled fearing mental disorders .Travis couldn't digest being coined a psychopath. The asylum days were nightmares. Travis pled with his medic that he was normal but it went unheard. Travis fled the asylum and sped hastily towards the cemetery hill before having enough at the countryside bar.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw people rushing out of the bar petrified. Travis felt a trickle of red fluid from his cloak. He gulped the deadly elixir which blended with his distress. Travis dropped the glass and witnessed it fragment into infinite pieces over Eva’s concrete grave. With Eva’s medical chronicle in one hand and her ravisher’s crown beheaded from the bar on the other , he roared unto the zenith “Yes, I am a Psychopath….. but only I know Why?”

14 comments:

laughingwolf said...

that shook me up...

JR's Thumbprints said...

You did a nice job depicting Travis's irritability through the actions toward his daughter and the noise of the treadmill. Very disturbing piece.

Catvibe said...

Yikes! I don't think I'd like to run into this guy in a dark alley. Or anywhere actually.

Chris Eldin said...

Different and chilling. Held my interest the whole way through.

aniket said...

I liked it a lot. The ambiguity in the scene descriptions and the vulnerability of the character.

Gripping tale.

Therese said...

Interesting perspective, Blany.

"Her ravisher's crown" is particularly creepy and poetic.

The Preacherman said...

I like Travis and I like this a lot. Probably wise not to let my daughter read it....;-)

Four Dinners

Sarah Laurenson said...

Very dark and yet we get to see something else in him. Good job.

pjd said...

I'm having trouble understanding exactly what happened at the end. What is "her ravisher's crown beheaded from the bar"? Did he literally cut someone's head off? Whose head? Sorry, I'm confused by this. I think the setup is fine; it's a damned awful situation you've put him in at the beginning, and I think it begs for a much longer format than 250 words.

BlanyAshwin said...

@ pjd....
Yaa pjd Travis cut the ravisher's head...The head of her daughter's ravisher... who molested her...
Travis visited the physician b4 reaching home and pushing her daughter to collect her daughters reports.....

With Eva’s medical chronicle in one hand and her ravisher’s crown beheaded from the bar on the other...

I did feel 250 words wer too little for this setup..

But a lot of interpretations to this story... makes me feel happy:)

Gughan said...

I wondered what the chronicle meant, and whether the ravisher was her boyfriend. That would really make him a psycho.

Your explanation cleared things up. He avenged his daughter. But he did kill her. Psycho.

Jade L Blackwater said...

I enjoy the mystery of this piece, although I do have a little difficulty understanding the actions occurring at the very end. Sounds like there's more to tell.

JaneyV said...

That's a lot of story for 250 words.

jason evans said...

They need stronger locks at that asylum. And more medication. I'd run from the bar too.