Thursday, July 09, 2009

Entry #20

How Will I Tell Him
by Sandra Cormier


Travis leaned against the rough bark of the willow tree and ripped through a chicken thigh with gusto.

"So…" He wiped his lips. "What turns you on about me?"

"That's a stupid question." Shelley poured a glass of Cabernet.

"Not so stupid. Don't you want me to keep myself up for you?"

"You always keep yourself up for me, you horny bastard."

"I don't mean that. What special thing floats your boat?"

She reclined beside him and laid her head in his lap, tucking her chin against her collarbone to take a tiny sip. "Nothing. Everything."

"That's a cop-out and you know it. C'mon, 'fess up." He held his wineglass over her and tilted it at a dangerous angle.

She splayed her fingers across her face and giggled. "Put that down or I'll scream."

"Not 'til you tell me." He lowered his glass anyway and resumed eating.

She relaxed. "About you? That little spot behind your earlobe."

His chuckle warmed her heart. "I guess I can stop working out if that's all ya got."

Shelley gazed across the rolling meadow. Backlit dandelion seeds floated like tiny faeries in the breeze. She closed her eyes, listening to the crisp rattle of willow leaves. The tiniest pleasures now held such importance.

She squinted up at Travis. His jaws worked the chicken like a machine – he'd easily work it off. She wished she could eat too, but the thought of food made her insides clench.

How will I tell him?

30 comments:

Laurel said...

Awesome! Love the dialogue and the descriptions and the last line twist is great.

laughingwolf said...

very well done, sandra :)

Ello said...

I loved it. I'm trying to guess at what she has to tell him - is it the obvious or is it something less obvious? Hmmmm. But very nice!

JR's Thumbprints said...

The little descriptions of nature work well with the story's theme. I also liked how you portrayed their relationship through their dialogue and actions.

Aerin said...

OH fine. I'm not even going to ENTER now. Harumph.

"tiniest pleasures now held such importance."

Like your flash fic, Chumplet!

Tessa said...

I love the way the gentle rhythm of the dialogue moves towards the denouement. Evocative and beautifully written.

Catvibe said...

I liked the feel of it, the romance and the intimacy of it. Very nice.

Chris Eldin said...

This is so beautiful! I love the romance and comfortable way of being between the two of them. The part about the dandelion seeds is one of my favorites.
Very, very well written!!!

Oh, I also want to know what she has to say! What an ending!

aniket said...

This has everything. Great dialogue. Great structure. Great pacing. Great ending. And above all, believable characters.

I'd be surprised if this isn't in the top 5. And I would have given my piece a second thought before sending, had I read this one before. :)

Loved it to the core.

Chumplet - Sandra Cormier said...

You wonderful people give me hope! Thanks for the encouragement!

Therese said...

You said so much, and gave away nothing. "The tiniest pleasures now held such importance." That made me sigh.

Very well written piece.

Karen said...

I love the nature imagery and the way it fits her mood as she considers how to spring the news.

Precie said...

So lovely and so sad. Excellent.

The Preacherman said...

oh I give up....

nice one babe x



Four Dinners

Whirlochre said...

This is one of the best I've read so far.

Kurt Hendricks said...

Wonderful!

You have a great ear for dialogue.

Chumplet - Sandra Cormier said...

That's because I talk too much. Apparently...

Thanks for all the wonderful comments. I submitted a longer version of this piece to Glimmer Train. Wish me luck!

BernardL said...

Easy idyllic scene. Very nice.

pjd said...

Marvelously written, very smooth. I know and like them both by the end of it, and I feel so sad that my new friend appears to have a terminal disease (unless of course I've misread it completely... who knows, maybe she's just discovered they're biological brother and sister, or that she's suddenly become an Anaheim Ducks fan or something).

You have given us all something to study and learn from.

Chumplet - Sandra Cormier said...

Ah, Pete... you're so perceptive. It was the Ducks. Damn those Ducks...

desiderata said...

like pjd, i am guessing all sorts of likelihoods, but let me not speculate -- and make a fool of myself! Great romantic teaser hear! YL

Hoodie said...

This is an exquisite piece. It feels real and uncontrived and evoked real emotion.

So sad!

Meghan said...

I love how the last line turns everything upside down!

Gughan said...

This such a beautiful scene!! I did read the title before I started reading the story, even then, the last line was an absolute stunner. Italicizing words make them more powerful it seems.

Speculation time (I don't mind making a fool of myself):

Is she a new kind of vampire-like creature, who can also roam in the day and bite men behind earlobes? :)

Dottie said...

Great story. Sometimes leaving something so ambigious doesn't work. But it's perfect here and you set it up so well. We know enough about the characters and their relationship that whatever the outcome they will prevail.

JaneyV said...

Sandra - this was damn fine writing.

J.C. Montgomery said...

So much in so little perfectly put together. Oh dear, I'm gushing. Good job. ;-)

Jade L Blackwater said...

Wonderful - great dialog and mystery!

Angela said...

Stellar imagery and fabulous/authentic dialogue! Loved the way it ended! Truly evoked emotion and engaged me.

jason evans said...

I get the feeling she has a terminal illness. Well portrayed. Especially the description of the tinest pleasures.

Welcome to The Forties Club!!