Friday, July 10, 2009

Entry #28

Little Red
by Danielle Rickel


“I’m going to miss you my Little Red.” He murmured.

He’s always said my name with such love.

“So many nights you’ve filled me with ideas, helped me to create.”

He sounds sadder than any night before. He always comes to me at night, sometimes with others, but mostly alone.

“You’ve always helped me to laugh, sometimes to cry, and always to sleep.”

He’s come to me for many years now, not as often at first, but he came to me more and more, until the best thing in life he could find was with me. I knew he would succumb, so many of them do.

“She told me that if I wanted real love with her, that I would have to end my love for you. I told her that I’ve loved you for so long that I didn’t know if I could, that you alone have always been there for me. But as she put one foot out the door I knew, I knew that you were a forbidden love, and so now I have no choice but to let you go.”

I’ve heard it so many times before, and always at that last moment, they let me know if they will return. In the final moment, I will know.

But then he turned away, without even a press of his lips, not even a final sip.

Possibly, his new love bested me after all.

18 comments:

Catvibe said...

I guess it will depend on how well it works out with the new love... Nice having the wine be the point of view.

Katherine Napier said...

Kudos for telling it from the point of view of the wine. As always with alcohol, "possibly" is probably the biggest truth of all.

Wavemancali said...

This brings to mind one of my favorite parts of Douglas Adams' Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

Ford: "It's unpleasantly like being drunk."
Arthur: "What's so unpleasant about being drunk?"
Ford: "You ask a glass of water."

Laurel said...

Great POV and if you know anyone who's dealt with addiction (and we all do) this is spot on.

It's most often a relationship they will lose if they don't leave the relationship they have with ______ that final gets them into recovery.

Nicely optimistic, too. I wasn't expecting it to end well.

laughingwolf said...

nicely done, danielle... love the pov :)

Hadley said...

I love Little Red's POV...different, and nicely done!

JR's Thumbprints said...

It's not easy alternating the dialogue of one character with the internal thoughts of another. The level of difficulty is quite high, but still, this is a nicely told story.

Aniket said...

A very interesting take, like the one we had last time with the Escalator's POV.

I found this a very good piece till I read the lines "at that last moment, they let me know if they will return. In the final moment, I will know."

That struck hard with me and turned this to a great one.

So very aptly described. That one line alone, speaks volumes.

Chris Eldin said...

WOW! Loved this one a lot! Subtle, and nicely drawn.

Tessa said...

A unique point of view, cleverly drawn. Very impressive - well done!

The Preacherman said...

Now that was different and extremely well done. Enjoyed the idea very much.

Four Dinners

BernardL said...

Uplifting, hopeful, ending.

Danielle said...

Thank you for the wonderful comments. I am a NEW writer and reading the nice things you've said, as well as reading the other great stories gives me the inspiration and determination to keep writing! Thank you!

Danielle

pjd said...

A gentle twist on the typically sinister role of alcohol in alcoholism. The wine as the philosophical, not jilted, other woman? Somehow, you made this work within the story.

JaneyV said...

I'm glad he made the right choice. He may have loved Little Red but she was no good for him...

Jade L Blackwater said...

Nicely written with a unique POV!

Sonia said...

The point of view of the wine. Like it!

jason evans said...

Very original take. Ms. Wine doesn't seem too put out. Just bemused. High marks for technical elements and pacing.