Friday, July 10, 2009

Entry #29

Case of Merlot
by Steve Slatter


Jessie detects mid-February snow in the glistening light on her bedroom ceiling. Pulling herself up, she dresses in a loose white blouse and tight black skirt. No underwear.

A vehicle has woken her. She rushes on some make-up and dragnets her hair.

At the window, she swishes the drapes. A fierce glare jabs her eyes. She sees a blurred car standing on the nearest piece of gritted road. A single figure is approaching through the storm, lifting his knees high over the drifts.

In readiness, she adjusts her top button and purses her lips. It’s a new customer, Micky Farraghy, a carton under one arm and a pink envelope in his free hand. She transfers downstairs to open the door. He yields up the box – six Merlots, 13.5%.

“Better come in,” she says, thinking of paying in kind.

He follows her into the lounge. She sits him, and reaches to adjust his cushion. The blouse gapes in his face, offering the contents.

No reaction, coy prick.

She straightens. “Well, I need a drink.”

She unscrews the first bottle and pours.

After a gulp, she decides to broadside. “You do wanna fuck, right?”

Silently, he hands her the envelope, looking away as she accepts it. He stands and egresses in a sudden white swirl from the door.

“Micky?”

Snowflakes argue in the hallway. She takes a deep draught of red, watching them evanesce like lovers. Bloody weather. She slams the door and rips open his message.

“Happy Valentines, Jess,” it reads.

24 comments:

Kunjal said...

very nice ending:)

Catvibe said...

Mixed messages. I like the snowflakes arguing, that was a nice detail. Poignant ending.

wrath999 said...

Nicley done!

alex

Absolute Vanilla (and Atyllah) said...

Oh very nicely done - good job!

Laurel said...

Excellent. Gorgeous description of the snow reflected on the ceiling.

Good job!

laughingwolf said...

superb twist! :)

JR's Thumbprints said...

The movement of this story seems effortless. From her peering out the window to opening the door to receiving the message, the flow is not forced. You did surprise me with that ending.

Precie said...

Nice characterization.

Aniket said...

I love this piece for so many reasons. My nickname being Micky, not one of them. :D

This is one of my favorites so far. It has love, sadness, grief, lust, gluttony all in just 250 words.

Bravo!

Chris Eldin said...

I love your opening paragraph, and agree the flow of this is flawless. Very nicely written!

Carrie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Carrie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
The Preacherman said...

Really nice flow to the story. I love the way you write.

Four Dinners

Tessa said...

Sharp, edgy...and a clever twist. Bravo!

BernardL said...

Well told tale.

pjd said...

The detail and some of the word choices in this are what make it very good.

Hoodie said...

The potentcy of this lies just below the surface. Beautifully crafted. Good job.

Dottie said...

I also love the way you write. Great pacing.

JaneyV said...

I love the sentence
Snowflakes argue in the hallway.

Beautiful piece. Well written and enjoyable.

Jade L Blackwater said...

Nicely woven piece - I especially like the snowflake metaphor.

Sonia said...

Love the way the whole thing moved....it was so smoothly written!

McKoala said...

Aw, aw aw! There's a great sense of timing in this.

jason evans said...

A very strong portrayal of this scene. Great characterization! Really showing how it's done. I found the end very poignant. She's forgotten that people can love her.

Congratulations on Fifth Place!!

Jaye Wells said...

I loved this one. The voice and story are original and impressive. The twist at the end packs a wallop. Great job!