Friday, July 10, 2009

Entry #33

Dinner with Wine
by Briony Gotch

Peering over my glass of Merlot I spied on my target. Raised voices hidden under music reached my ears as the man ordered another drink. The idiot was nearly intoxicated -just the way I enjoy them. I hesitantly sipped at my wine and let my face contort into repulsion while the bitterness overtook my taste buds. How do people drink this shit?

Impatience started to slide through my blood stream as I waited for the man to finish what I hoped to god was his last drink.

“You’ve always been picky with dinner”

Unfortunately I agreed to my visitor’s observation. The man I was spying was a perfect example; male, tall, roguish, handsome with a heavy dose of alcohol riding in his veins -if only I could put an advert in the local paper. My old faithful stalker made himself comfortable in the chair beside me.

“Go away Richard”

Richard was that annoying bit of hair that just wouldn’t stay behind your ear. Instead it taunts you by hanging right in front of your eye. Frustrated that I can’t have a moments peace without him popping out of the scenery I glared at him.
I should have stopped this ridiculous routine at the beginning but he knew what he was dealing with. After an hour of social torture he rose.

“See you tomorrow.”

Great. With a grin he left me to concentrate on my victim. I glanced back over to my prey’s last location to find he was gone.



Karen said...

Interesting the types of people this wine is awakening! I like the Richard character and the description as that annoyance.

laughingwolf said...

like they say, shit happens ;) lol

Laurel said...

I really liked the "annoying bit of hair" AND that I can't decide if she is a vampire or just a run of the mill cougar;)

She sounds like almost any of the women in a 60/40 bar.


Aniket Thakkar said...

Dayum. Laurel is beating me to every story. :)

I too just loved the analogy of that "annoying bit of hair".

No. I never grew my hair so long that it would happen to me but I can only imagine how irritating it could be. :P

Loved the subtle dark humor that ran throughout the piece.

Unknown said...

(giggle) I liked the Richard character too. Funny sidetracking to an otherwise menacing situation.

JR's Thumbprints said...

" that just wouldn’t stay behind your ear. Instead it taunts you by hanging right in front of your eye..."

I agree with the others regarding this line; in fact, it speaks volumes regarding your flash.

Chris Eldin said...

Great characterization in this one! Would love to learn more...

Bebo said...

I'm with everyone else, loved "that annoying bit of hair" business. Want to know why she finds the wine in the glass so bitter, but is eyeballing the man w/ alcohol in his veins!

PJD said...

LOL @Laurel.

I had to read twice to work out who was saying what; I think what threw me was the unattributed voice followed by "my visitor" and then back to the target. At this point I didn't realize she was a vampire (not ever having read a vampire book after the first Anne Rice release umpteen years ago), so I didn't connect dinner with target. I had assumed they were in a restaurant, so dinner would be on the table, right? (I also assumed the target had a companion, so the voice could be coming from the target's table.)

Once I understood what was going on, I quite enjoyed it. Like others, I like Richard and his annoying playfulness. He's got a crush on the MC, hasn't he? :)

Briony said...

Thanks for everyones comments. Especially pjd. Exactly what i needed. Read an article recently in a writing magazine that mentioned about dialogue. Didn't realize i was leaving them just hanging, I'm assuming it's from writing so many essays! At least it a habit i can now kill off. Cheers everyone!

JaneyV said...

Briony - I enjoyed this very much. You've managed to develop two interesting characters here and I can see great potential for a short story.

Jade L Blackwater said...

Lots of movement in this scene - a good reflection of the atmosphere.

Anonymous said...

I loved the detail of Richard's hair. Somehow, that defined him for me. Annoying indeed.