Sunday, July 12, 2009

Entry #69

Crystal Melody
by Lucy Logic


The sound of his voice resonated in her mind. High pitched and screaming, not unlike that of wet fingers rotating around the rim of a crystal wine glass. In fact, wasn’t that what she was doing when the words began to spill from his lips: mindlessly tracing her finger atop the edge of her glass?

“Beth, this isn’t fair to anyone. I’ve met someone else.”

She lost his words in the music of the crystal, in the color of the wine. Refusing to speak or look at him. She became desperate to play her tune. Round and round her finger went. Deeper into the depths of the blood red liquid went her mind.

“Beth, you have to say something!”

She did not respond. She could not respond. For the edge of this glass, cold and full of melody, was where sanity and reason resided. The rhythm of her finger holding her precariously to that edge.

“Beth!”

Lost in the melody, she did not lift her head to watch him walk out the door.

As the latch locked in place, he couldn’t help but have heard the crashing of the crystal as it shattered against the door behind him.

Sanity and reason trickled crimson down the wall. They pooled on the floor amongst the splintered pieces of her broken life.

Round and round her finger continued, tracing the edge of a glass that was no longer there.

19 comments:

Laurel said...

The sense of focusing on something other than reality is very well developed here. This whole piece centers well around the rim of the wine glass.

wrath999 said...

Cool, excellent work

alex

JR's Thumbprints said...

Nice depiction of her mental instability.

Catvibe said...

I like that one. She is really trying to hold on...

Ello said...

Seriously, that was brilliant! Excellent portrayal of a character trying to hold on to her sanity.

Chris Eldin said...

You captured all the pain and numbness such a moment brings. I didn't think it was insanity---I thought she was coping the best she could. Excellent writing!!

Sarah Laurenson said...

Love the intense focus. Awesome job.

laughingwolf said...

very nicely wrought, lucy :)

Precie said...

One of my personal favorites. Brilliantly done.

Tessa said...

This is surely a top contender. Love it!

Aniket said...

Trying to find that one string that you could hold on to in hope of being rescued.

The circling of the finger gave me an impression of the vicious circle of life.

Excellent portrayal of her emotional turbulence.

Hoodie said...

Superb. The use of the wine glass as her anchor. I'm a fan.

BernardL said...

It makes me wonder what it is he expected her to say.

pjd said...

Wonderful. I was so deeply in her mind, hearing that tone, tracing her circles with my own fingers. Superb writing.

I can't decide if I would prefer that she had not thrown the glass... but then I look at it more deeply, and you've written it in such a way that the glass appears to have thrown itself, which I find tremendously satisfying and consistent with her slide into a sort of oblivion. Yeah, the more I think about this, the more I put this near the top of my favorites. Very good.

Meghan said...

Fabulous. Something very poetic about this piece.

JaneyV said...

Beautiful. There. Just, beautiful.

Jade L Blackwater said...

Nice Alfred-Hitchcock-type-insanity.

lucy said...

Thank you to everyone who took the time to read my entry and to those especially who took the time to comment.
I have never entered or written for a contest such as this, but look forward to doing so again. Your comments have inspired me. I didn't know I had it in me.

jason evans said...

The repetitive motion and disconnect are powerful forces of communication in this character.

High marks for technical elements.