Sunday, July 12, 2009

Entry #87

Seeking a Deadly Foray
by Michelle Hickman


I stare at the red wine on the tray. With her heavy treads vibrating the floorboards of lightened gray, my wife strolls this way. Her rolls of flesh carry the sickly odor of three-day-old nachos lathered in fake cheese spray.

Where did my lovely Clementine take flight? Her once lithe body has vanished into the wreckage of bad breath and 400 pounds of cellulite. I cannot take any more of this sight. Tonight, I will make sure Death wraps bony fingers around her fattened heart and grips on tight. Outside, the windy darkness howls its terror at the coming plight.

My hand shuts the book cover, “How to Poison Your Spouse.” Clementine searches for the hard liquor to become thoroughly soused. In loathing, her eyes throw invisible daggers at me like I am the contemptible louse.

She snatches at the crystal chalice and whips her middle finger high. I cannot lie. The view of it hardens my resolve while I wish she would just die.

After a belch, Clementine tosses the empty glass to the floor. Her crudeness no longer holds any allure. Then she notices the book that will not offer her any cure.

In horror, she realizes the truth within the wine. “Howard, why would you do this to your lovely Clementine?”

I chuckle, “My dear, banish such troubling thoughts and relax. All you drank were several tablets of Ex-Lax. Your lower pipework will rev up to the max, and shed your body of its tonnage tax.”

30 comments:

Ello said...

Eeeeeek! Oh my gosh! I'm afraid of what's to come!

Great characterizations!

Laurel said...

Holy Moly. That has got to be the BEST last line so far. And what a twist!

Your description of the "sickly odor of three-day-old nachos lathered in fake cheese spray" literally made me queasy. I am not kidding. Well done, that.

I hate that these two people are clearly so wretchedly miserable but love this piece.

Great read!

Oh, yeah. And what Ello said. *shudder*

Laurel said...

I am quite the dimwit. I just noticed that the last word of each sentence in every paragraph rhymes with the others in that paragraph.

That is brutally clever and damn if the writing is so good it escapes attention. Just goes to show you...a lot of these should be read aloud.

It's like finding Easter Eggs! Delightful!

JR's Thumbprints said...

Since this is a "Truth in Wine" contest, I'll get right to the point: Reminds me of that Johnny Depp movie - "What's Eating at Gilbert Grape" - I think that's the title. Great last line.

Catvibe said...

What disgusting people if you'll forgive my judgmental position. Great read tho, and like the others, love the last line.

Tessa said...

Very clever...the word rhyme is amasterful touch!

laughingwolf said...

very clever, michelle ;) lol

Michelle H. said...

Thank you everyone! I wasn't out to have any likable characters in this piece - just engaging ones.

wrath999 said...

An unexpected twist. An highly enjoyable read.

alex

Aniket said...

Clever... clever piece of writing. The rhymes were so masterfully placed that they never took the center-stage and yet played the most important part in maintaining a sweet flow of this not-so-sweet tale.

Its a masterpiece.

Theresa said...

Wonderful read. I also liked the rhymes and I could picture the characters in my mind so clearly with your descriptions. Kudos Michelle.

Stay well.

Angie Ledbetter said...

*clap clap* Loved this, Michelle!

The Preacherman said...

Very clever writing and very enjoyable reading.

Having put on a pound or two over the last 20 years I will not let the wife read this...;-)



Four Dinners

Suldog said...

Wow. Love the rhymes! Clever, funny, horror-filled, absurd, and altogether entrancing. Great stuff!

Merry Monteleone said...

Great work, Michelle. Loved the rhythm and very well-drawn characters... and like ello, I'm afraid to see what comes next :-)

Hoodie said...

The rhyming added a new dimension of humor. Clever.

Am I the only person reminded of Muffy the Mouse from Today's Special?
Um, yeah, probably. Carry on.

Chris Stone said...

Great! loved it!

BernardL said...

Nice Rhyme too. :)

Michelle H. said...

Thank you again, everyone!

Mona said...

LOl! Tonnage of tax! I like the expression! :D

Aerin said...

MICHELLE! You're here!!! Good for you! Bad for me, competition-wise, *sigh* You rock, woman.

Chris Eldin said...

THis is truly masterful writing!! I also didn't notice the rhymes at first, I was so caught up in the story. And OMG what a last line!!!
Very, very well written! Like a pro, for sure!

pjd said...

Gorgeous descriptions, using all the senses to achieve true Roald Dahl grotesqueness. Very amusing. I'm not sure I'd call the characters "engaging" so much as "morbidly fascinating."

Michelle H. said...

Thanks, everyone, for your wonderful comments!

Terri said...

What incredibly clever and funny and ... did I already say clever?... writing! Love it!

JaneyV said...

Michelle I'm tickled to death by your take. that last line was hysterical. I hope they have a good extractor fan in the loo - or a very big match

Karen said...

Loved it, Michelle! This is one I had to read a few times just because I enjoyed it so.

Michelle H. said...

Thanks!

SkyeBlu said...

Laughing like crazy, as always. Great story Michelle! Although, it does bring to mind some scary images...

jason evans said...

Whimsical, paired with grotesque images. Certainly inventive. A style with a power of its own.

High marks for pacing and technical elements.