Sunday, July 12, 2009

Entry #88

Gypsy
by Adina Pelle


When I first saw you in the bar, you looked wild and beautiful, lips painted with red lipstick, cheap defilement of any conceivable purity, hair loose, left back framing your face like black smoke, with red nails, unequal, with high heels, too high and uncomfortable. You looked at me and with your glass in your hand, got up, hit the dance floor, and danced as if no one else was around. I saw what was to come through the red languid liquid in the goblet. What was to come really came .My burned thoughts seem left in total standby now like the eyes of others gathered around the dance floor.

Tears run dry now . I remember that night as if it lasted a thousand years.

You were incredible. There was silence, but I heard your beating heart. I kissed you; I undressed you with slow but feral moves.

“You beautiful gypsy!"

I felt your thin body, trembling body under my kisses. I can feel your body even now when I close my eyes!

The next day I realized you were just a heap of body pleasures; I realized how miserable you could be. Pathetic and cold. You walked out and left behind only the lipstick stained sheets, the smell of cheap of wine, and pain.

I know one day, I will kill you. There are hundreds of ways to die. You can die while your heart still beats and the world continues to swirl on around.

21 comments:

Laurel said...

Cool descriptors in the opener! I like the phrase "any conceivable purity."

The fellow sounds quite unbalanced, too. What did he actually think would happen in the morning?

Tessa said...

Perhaps it was the wine that made her appear beautiful...when the glass empties the image distorts?

Tessa said...

Or maybe it's the other way round? Either way, great story!

JR's Thumbprints said...

Is the narrator having a conversation with himself? Perhaps a mirror in the intro could tip the reader off. I liked the premise of this piece.

Catvibe said...

JR's take is pretty interesting! I didn't see it like that however. I did see a lot because the visuals were excellent. He seems like someone I wouldn't want to accidentally have gone home with. Yikes! Seems he has potential to become a nasty stalker.

laughingwolf said...

nastiness abounds...

Aniket said...

We've had so many killing... but plan to kill; this is the first.

And the best part is you have everyone making their own interpretations. You have everyone involved. Great take on the prompt.

The Preacherman said...

Hell of a one night stand eh?!

I'm with JR on this. The narrator staring into a mirror. I can picture that. Well written old bean.



Four Dinners

Adisha said...

Everyone's got their own interpretations ... One never knows what yesterday truly was, or what tomorrow brings .. Very well written !

Anonymous said...

Like was said before, when she woke the next morning and saw the narrator...maybe she wanted to die...or just run real fast....wine has a way of twisting reality..but nice story..I think anyone that has had a few wild nights can relate...(with both sides)

Patsy said...

I like how he could see her flaws the night before, but that they didn't matter to him until the morning after.

BernardL said...

He should count his blessings and move on. :)

Chris Eldin said...

Nice twist at the end! And I like the ambiguity...

pjd said...

I take the "kill" at the end to mean "erase you from my heart," not literally "end your life." I don't believe this person is the sociopath we've read in many of the other entries; rather, he's a formerly naive young man, with cynicism thrust upon him by a world-wise, selfish bitch.

In short, he's Everyman.

[pjd ducks and runs out of the room, staying particularly out of Aerin's path]

Adina said...

Thank you so much for all your wonderful comments.
pjd is right however, what I had in mind was more of a psychological "crime" so to speak, and not a hardcore, hands on killing.The young man wakes up with a hang over that has more to blame than just the wine :)

Absolute Vanilla (and Atyllah) said...

Loved the way you handled this - and really glad to see the "killing" that was in many ways more powerful than physical death. Wonderful story!

B. Nagel said...

Fantastic first sentence. Can't stress that enough. Loved it.

Terri said...

I don't think I've ever heard a one-night-stand described quite like this. Nice work!

JaneyV said...

Oh the pain of first passion followed by rejection. Nicely done.

Dottie said...

In addition to the great writing in the opening paragraph, the pacing of your language leads us to feel the scene in the bar. The music, her dancing, it all flows together. Great job.

jason evans said...

The pain must still be sharp for the desire to kill to remain. She still have power.