Monday, September 14, 2009

I've Been Wondering About Attachments

I'm often drawn to ponder human psychology--what twists us, what compels us, and what makes us desire. Are you game for answering a few questions about attachments and how you see them? I'm hatching a little theory over here. If I get a fair number of responses, I'll lay it out for you either in my Wednesday post or Friday post. Thanks!


In each question, which statement do you agree with more?

Question 1
a. I felt a tension with my parents, even if I didn't show it. I was mostly eager to leave home to meet new people to bring into my life.

b. My parents made my childhood wonderful. I felt energized when I spent time with them. An important part of me was sad to leave home.


Question 2
a. In life, it is normal for people to fail you and leave you. As you seek people to bring into your life, you look for people who will be different and prove that they will stand with you.

b. In life, it is normal for people to honor stability and love. As you seek people to bring into your life, you look to avoid people who are selfish, unsafe, and cannot not be trusted.


Question 3
a. If you want people to be with you, you have to attract them and keep attracting them.

b. If you want people to be with you, you have to find people who connect with you, then believe in that connection.


Question 4
a. A relationship is going badly if you don't feel special, desired for who you are, or understood. Thinking about trying to be with a different person comforts you.

b. A relationship is going badly if your connection is not being honored and you feel like the person may leave you. Thinking about trying to be with a different person unsettles you.

26 comments:

Piggy Little said...

(1) a
(2) a
(3) b
(4) b

do we give reasons also to go along with this? :)

best
neha

PhilipH said...

1. a. But not because of tension. I just wanted to branch out. Joined the RAF.

2. a. but with a touch of b. Can't be more definite. I avoid selfish people, perhaps because I am rather selfish (aren't we all?).

3. b. This is an easier choice.

4. I can't answer this. My relationships seem to have gone well for me. If forced to answer a. or b. I would think 'b' would be appropriate for me.

Maybe I should not have commented!

Shadow said...

1A
2B
3B
4A

Mayur said...

1 A
2 A
3 B
4 Unsure about this one :) I'd say first part of the sentece from A and second part of the sentence from B is what I think applies to me better. If I have to choose A or B, then B it is.

Aniket said...

1. a

I was eager to leave home because parents were over protective and cared a bit too much. I didn't want to meet new people but be alone. Free, for once.

2. b
3. b
4. Ditto to Mayur.
"A relationship is going badly if you don't feel special, desired for who you are, or understood.Thinking about trying to be with a different person unsettles you."

But if one has to choose:

"Thinking about trying to be with a different person unsettles you."

TRUMPS

"A relationship is going badly if you don't feel special, desired for who you are, or understood."
So (b)

Chris Eldin said...

Wow, if I thought I was depressed before...

Mine are all As.
Yikes.
:-(

Margaret said...

1. b
2. b
3. b

4. Also ditto to Mayur and Aniket.

First part of a. together with second part of b.

But would go for b. if I had to choose between the two.

:)

William said...

a.
b.
a.
b.

Holy cow! Why am I in a cold sweat now?

Lexie said...

1) A (mostly with my mother and her husband, I have no issues with my father)
2) A
3) B (because I think its more important to have a common basis of understanding and interest)
4) B (mostly the last part.)

Vesper said...

1. somewhere in between a and b
2. b
3. b
4. a

Now I wonder, should I press the Publish Your Comment button?... :-)

Mona said...

1. b
2. b
3. b
4. a

PixieDust said...

1. a/b (mom/dad)
2. a
3. b
4. ?

I suppose if I have to answer 4 or be shot... well, I guess that's extreme... nope, sorry I can't choose.

Can't wait to see how this works out, just don't tell me I'm crazy-- that would be a waste of your time, as I already know this.

;-)

love,
me

Jaye Valentine said...

1. a
2. a
3. b
4. b

I'm going to go get drunk now.

Bebo said...

1. a
2. a
3. b
4. b

Laurel said...

I'm all boring, banal, beige-ish B's. Although I must concur with previous posts regarding the last choice: I agree with the first half of A. On the whole, though, I must go with B. I can't be who I'm not and I certainly wouldn't want to, not for someone other than me. Way too much pressure.

I look forward to seeing your theories!

jason evans said...

Everyone is doing wonderfully!

Let me tell you, these questions are difficult to write. I think at least one of them could be much better. Therefore, I'm going to drill down a bit more on Wednesday. Four more questions will be up! Friday will be the discussion.

For the record, I was all A's to these questions, and Aine was all B's. Keep in mind that one answer is not preferable to the other. They are just different.

Everyone is more than welcome to participate.

Ryan said...

1)B
2)A
3)B
4)A

Interesting survey going on here.

JR's Thumbprints said...

I'll settle for four B's.

PhilipH said...

Hmm... I wonder?

If you choose BaBa perhaps you are the black sheep of the family.

BaBa black sheep, have you any wool...

No? Oh Alright. I withdraw the question.

the walking man said...

1. Split I had very little tension with my mother and great tension with my father form a very early age.

2. I don't look for anything in people at the head of knowing them. i simply let them show me what they are about and let them come and go as they please. there is too much and too many troubled folks to be exclusionary of anyone except them truly "me first folks."

3. if you want people to be with you, you have to put yourself out there for them to see. If they want to move in a claim a space you have to be of the mind to allow for them to be what they are.

4. i think that wanting to be with another person while going through troubles in a relationship is tantamount to giving up on the relationship before it is dead. Thinking about another person is not the death knell but thinking about the other person indicates an unwillingness to look at your own behavior.


These were essay questions right? ha ha ha ha

Mona said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Karen said...

1. A
2. B
3. B
4. B

Not a lot of hesitations on my part in answering these.

Sonia said...

1)b
2)a
3)b
4)a just the first part
I am confused about this one. :)Although I don't think the idea of being with someone else is comforting either.
Waiting for Friday to see what you have in store....

Woman in a Window said...

OH no, am I going to find out that I'm bent? But I already know that!
1.a
2.b
3.b
4.b
5.

Leah said...

Interesting questions.

Question 1

Partly a. and a little of b. though my desire to leave home had little or nothing to do with wanting to meet new people. My parents gave me some good things, though, and yes I was sad to leave though I did not want to stay.


Question 2
Both a. and b. People move on, we grow, we change, it happens. Or I move on because I have grown in a different direction and we have little in common any more or maybe I didn't realize we had little in common in the first place. In other cases friendships last for life or a very long time.


Question 3
a. and b. but also...we naturally attract certain people for various reasons, with little overt effort (unless we are intentionally avoiding people).


Question 4

Neither. In a., first section, that could mean a person has some issues to work on or it could be a reflection of the truth (our feelings could be a problem we have or telling us something). Second section could merely be a fleeting thought; most people think of being with someone else from time to time, whether the relationship is sturdy or not, and it may feel good or comforting.

Leah said...

Ooops, somehow my last section to question 4 didn't make it. I should say that I have a lot of experience with this subject as a long-time host/moderator of several marriage/divorce/relationship forums.

In 4b, yes, it's not good if you are not being honored in ways that you need (I'm not sure what you mean by connection). If I feel like the person might leave me, is that a reflection of the truth or my own fears? Perhaps if I don't feel honored I might feel like leaving? For me, personally, I would want to discuss things lol I'm not sure about the second part, thinking about trying to be with another person. That would never bother me. I mean, I have a vivid imagination lol