Friday, December 04, 2009

Game Friday: Saviors and the Saved

We've got a toe dipped into December now. Hope everything is going well for you!

For us northern folks, winter is creeping in. We saw our first snowflakes in the mountains last weekend.

The game today is answering a delving question: Growing up, were you more likely to fantasize about being the savior or the saved? Were you the one rushing headlong into danger, or the one swept away by that one person perfectly tuned to your needs? And did those fantasies cross into your dreams about love?

For me, I was definitely in the savior camp. I imagined all sorts of fierce trouble to grapple with and overcome. Interestingly, I always expected to pay a price. To sacrifice for the rescue. I wasn't the untouchable Superman who never was really at personal risk.

The construct did carry into my love wistfulness in a curious way. I was drawn to the notion of a haunted girl. Isolated. Alone. In quiet misery. I would be the one able to see, understand, and lift her from that darkness. I realize now that in the end, I wanted to be saved in return. By showing who I was and proving that I would do whatever it takes, regardless of the cost, I would earn my own understanding and intense loyalty. I wonder if something is similar for the saved types. Do they imagine turning around and rescuing their saviors? Let's hear your stories in comments!

19 comments:

Aniket said...

Interestingly, I fell in neither. If you HAD to pick one though I'll say the saved.

But I mostly fantasized of being the dynamic duo. We would take on the quests and dive straight into danger and be invincible. It was a good partnership. :D

Karen said...

I don't recall fantasizing about either of these. I was, however, keenly attuned to the goings on in my surroundings and always felt that if I were good enough, I could make it all better...

When I chose a mate, it was someone who did not need that from me at all. Thirty six years later, I can say, I was a wise girl!

JR's Thumbprints said...

I'm still trying to be saved, day after slow agnozing day.

Laurel said...

Swoon Aniket, you are such a dreamboat!

I'm fairly tepid in this category. More than not I was the savior. In romantic dealings, my inclination leaned toward sweeping gestures in lieu of rescue, both on the giving and receiving end.

In books and stories, though, I do enjoy an heroic fellow! So long as the damsel in distress is not drawn with too heavy a hand nor is her plight due to her sheer stupidity or overwhelming femininity.

Aine said...

Aniket-- :D

I fantasized about being a savior in a general sense. I wanted to be able to help people. I even made up a superhero persona for myself (I called myself GG, for Great Girl-- LOL, whaddya expect from an 8 year-old? ;)) I often imagined scenarios of saving people via my superhero powers as I drifted off to sleep.

But, romantically I was more in Aniket's camp-- the dynamic duo. Though my fantasies were probably less dynamic (less danger) than Aniket's! If anything, I would've dreamt of a partnership that saved via teaching by example. Such as being leaders or mentors.
;)

SzélsőFa said...

I don't think I've ever thought of being drawn to either of these categories...
and I ended up in a relationship (with my DH) where there are both in both of us, I think. In some areas, He's the one to save me; on others, I'm there for him. Quite a match I suppose :)))

SzélsőFa said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
pjd said...

I have nothing to add, Jason, because you described my youth experience perfectly.

Poetry of Flesh said...

I never really fantasized about either, though that was likely because my childhood was an exercise in "saving" my mother and little sister from the explosive temper of my father by sacrificing myself, with no thought of ever being saved or helped.

In the end, that very behavior was, and still is, one of the things that seems to provoke men to try to save/protect me. White knights, circling 'round.

It's funny how things work out.

Four Dinners said...

Definitely saviour.

England are 2 - 0 down in the World Cup Final. I come off the bench with 15 minutes remaining and score a hat trick.

Every schoolboys dream.

Nevine said...

I think my roles varied with age. When I was a child, I always wanted to be the one who rescued others. And I was somewhat of a tomboy and a bully, so the other kids would sort of depend on me to do their dirty work for them. As I grew up, I got tired of doing all the work and I wanted to switch roles. I am now happy to rest in the company of a husband who is more than glad to take care of that end of things. Who knows if that will change again in a few years...

Jean said...

oh, yeah. I was supposed to do the saving.
As a youngster, I thought of being a nurse and healing the world.
Later, I chose manipulative men who wanted to be taken care of.
Idealistic, silly me.

Now? Working on the give and take balance thing.

Mona said...

The savior, the savior! I would take the bullet on my chest. I haven't enough fingers to count, how many times I've died :D

Woman in a Window said...

Maybe there is a direct and inverse correlation to who we desired to be and what we became. I wanted to be saved. I've been wearing big boots ever since. And not doing too good of a job at it.
xo
erin

jason evans said...

Thank you, everyone, for your thoughtful answers. In the meantime, I was thinking a bit about initiative. In a way, saviors expect to take the initiative, and the saved expect to react once the initiative is taken. For those who targeted an equal approach, I wonder where you fall on the initiative line.

PJD, your comment stopped me in my tracks. That wasn't something I was expecting. Glad to learn of that connection, brother.

the walking man said...

The crushed, the one that wasn't seen by an savior and not in need of any salvation.

Mona said...

Jason I saw a wonderful wedding photo of you and Aine :)

Meghan said...

The saved. I'm still waiting to be rescued by Prince Charming. I'm the type who has the ability in me to be on my own but doesn't want to be. Hmm...

Terri said...

Definitely the saved. I dreamed of Prince charming, white knights, the whole shebang. Not too sure what I was being saved from, exactly, just sort of a take-me-away-from-all-this kind of thing. My dashing hero who would swoop in to protect me from the Evils that Be... in fact, I probably saw myself as the haunted, isolated, alone girl looking for someone to lift me from the darkness ;-)
Problem was I read too romance novels as a teenager. Turns out what I needed was a healthy dose of therapy, not a white knight upon a fiery steed, 'cos apparently those are in reasonably short supply and don't really live up to one's expectations, in reality. Ouch.