Birds of Prayer
by Craig Scott
A hard blue eye stared at Ahiga over the top of a rifle, the other clenched shut as the soldier took aim. This was a battle; soft things die in battle. There was a hollow click as the soldier’s finger tightened around the trigger but no gunshot. Such a small sound shouldn’t have been audible above the ruckus of men screaming and gunshots.
The latter came from both sides of the fighting. Ahiga might be too set in his ways to change but the younger men in his tribe were not.
The soldier desperately tried to fix his rifle, hurried motions turning to fumbles as Ahiga bore down on him. In one shift motion Ahiga pulled the soldier’s head back by the hair and slashed his throat open, sending warm blood spurting upwards in a fountain.
Sometimes hard things died in battle too.
Suddenly there was a concussive explosion followed by searing pain as a bullet tore through him. Ahiga gasped as he crumpled to the ground, the fact he didn’t scream due as much to how abruptly it happened as much as any bravery.
As his eyes began to dim Ahiga could just make out a winged silhouette wheeling in long arcs high above him. His cracked lips curved into a smile, the eagle was a good omen. Perhaps it would mean his people would survive this turbulent time of change.
That same bird would later pick at Ahiga’s lifeless eyes with the cruel hooked beak of a vulture.
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Listening for the words in a quiet corner of the night. The fiction, poetry, and photography of Jason Evans.
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- Aine
- Collaborator and night owl.
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- "Elemental" Short Fiction Contest
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- "Endless Hour" Short Fiction Contest
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44 comments:
A very NEAT ending!
Awesome! I love the ending.
Nice one. And I always liked Eagles...;-)
Ouch! I bet he didn't see that coming. Very good tale. Good balance.
I love irony. Or is it swift justice? Maybe just payback...
Great ending!
Ooo, reality! That last sentence carries the weight of "the rest of the story" so perfectly. Well done.
Oh! How ironic!
Echo to Missy!
The last line is a kicker.
Love that last line!
Oh, that ending was great! It seemed so noble with his thoughts and yet... hello reality.
This is freaky. I had two ideas for my story, yours is incredibly similar to the one I didn't go with.
I love how you laid it out.
This is one of my favorites so far. I love the description of battle and the ending is a real twist!
I agree that the last line is the best. I had a little trouble because at first I thought Ahiga was the one aiming the rifle. I had to reread the first paragraph after finishing the story. But generally I like this, particularly the tragic irony at the end.
I loved the last line ... and the battlefield imagery was very good!
Superbly well written - the dénouement is stellar!
Amazingly written. Totally love the ending. That last line has it all.
Nicely done
Beautifully explored piece on the pointlessness of war. We can use our imaginations to attach so much significance to arbitrary things but in the end we're recycled no matter how we die.
Nicely executed.
the opening paragraph was downright cinematic. excellent descriptions.
Nothing like a good multi-death tale to cheer you up after a long days work. I liked the point of view perspective here - good job.
A great example of why one shouldn't bring a knife to a gunfight.
That is an excellent ending - all that symbolism and heroism, and for what?
nice twist!
Gruesome! I love it! :-)
The "hard" and "soft" images were effective for me. Nice job.
Aaouch... the ending. Damn.
Excellently written. Loved it.
At first I stumbled over the name, 'Ahiga' inasmuch as I wasn't sure whether it was a person or a place. However, that was more my ignorance, having never heard it before.
The story itself works very well. I particularly liked the concept of war being indiscriminate in taking away the 'hard' and 'soft' aspects of humanity.
My only minor gripe was after mentioning seeing the eagle as a good omen, it was perhaps unnecessary to then use 'it would mean' in the next line.
Still, an excellent piece nonetheless. Hats off to you.
Absolutely loved the last line!
That last line works on so many levels. We don't have good guys and bad guys clearly delineated and obviously Ahiga thinks his team is the good guys so he sees the eagle as a beneficent omen. The eagle, however, doesn't care. In the end the bodies are just meat.
Solid ending.
A taut, tough story with a killer of a kick at the end.
Excellent work Craig. I especially liked "Sometimes hard things died in battle too."
It was a great little suprise in your story.
It made me think about the nobility of death upon the ignominious battle field.
Amazing.
All's fair in love and war. Great piece.
As his eyes began to dim Ahiga could just make out a winged silhouette wheeling in long arcs high above him.
I loved this line. I too liked the ending and how it seemed to be a commentary on the futility of war. Nicely done!
loved the lines "soft things die in battle/and hard things (too)
liked this line Sometimes hard things died in battle too. so true, war is for no one and it doesn't take sides :)
I like the way that Ahiga sees the bird as he wishes to see it, instead of as it really is. Very nicely done.
It indeed was an omen..well told.
Grim and a bit evocative. While I didn't get a feel for the nature of the battle being waged, and I wondered about its context, the scene itself felt honest.
OMG, I so didn't see that coming, the bird and the eyes.
Dottie :)
I've finally reached the end ... err, the beginning. I've been scrolling downward for days. This seems to be an appropriate way to end the various interpretations of Jason's photograph. Nice gruesome job.
A very gritty and realistic depiction of battle. And I agree with the chorus, great last line.
lovely piece of writing...he thought it was a lucky eagle but it turned out to be a vulture..reminds me of something my granddad used to say -
'you know what thought did?'
'no, what?'
'he thought he farted, but it turned out he's shit himself'
i'm glad aighia (ssorry can't spell his name) never realised his mistake and died on a high.
Love the irony of this. Nicely written.
Dear Entrants #1-105,
I have read your pieces so that I can fairly participate in the Readers' Choice vote. (I read all of them through last week, before I started commenting.) I will be coming back around to offer my keep/tweak comment, but I didn't want anyone to snark.
Cheers,
Aerin (#236)
BTW, it's perfectly fine if you still want to snark, but this way you can choose a more appropriate subject, like the merits of Mafia Wars or whether Katie Holmes should demand a divorce
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