Sunday, January 10, 2010

Entry #105

Deliverance According to Proverbs 6
by Rusty La Violette


God, please.... help me...
I gotta get free. I can’t keep on. I’m so weak. So trapped.

A quiet voice spoke. “...if you have been ... trapped, ... do (what I say)...to free yourself...like a bird from the snare of the fowler.”

What kinda simple answer’s that, God?

Hey kid, just because it’s simple, doesn’t mean it’s not hard. It’ll take everything you’ve got and everything you can give to get free from all your crap.

Hey, are you God? You sure don’t sound like Him.

Nah, I’m just one of your guardian angels. Kids like you wear us out––make us work in shifts and go on R&R to get strength to come back just to help you survive.

Well, I still don’t see signs of hope. Everything’s more blurred than ever; can’t focus on anything...past, present––and the future seems like a black spot swirling inside the top of my head.

Boy, you are a hard one! Kid, THAT IS your hope. You are to follow that circling spot. Look closer. Try harder, darn it.

It’s like… lookin’ through a net. Hey, is that a bird?

Yup. Got freed from the fowler’s snare. Just do what he did. One second, one breath, one thing at a time, get rid of what’s trapping you. Then slip out while the fowler’s not looking...and fly away.

Man, he does look free. Okay, tell me, where do I start?

You just did, kid, by saying that. Okay, here’s what you do next....

23 comments:

Ayodele Morocco-Clarke said...

Love the scepticism which slowly turns to belief. Well done.

Preeti said...

Beautiful tale of hopelessness progressing to hope and determination. Very well written. Loved the Guardian Angel. Such a sweet character. One of the most memorable characters in this contest.

Liked. :-)

pjd said...

Nice description of taking that first step.

Craig said...

That guardian angel's got some spunk.

lena said...

Love the change from hopelessness to belief. Nice idea. Well done :)

Bernita said...

Nice to see a positive take on depression.
Increments very well done.

Scribblers Inc said...

bet that dudes wearing oversized tshirt and a low waist denim...wassup yo!! :D

great interpretation!!

Mithun Mukherjee.

angel said...

Nice.

Kartik said...

It's about taking it one step at a time!

Aniket said...

The angel sure has got mojo. :)

Well whatever works for the kid.

laughingwolf said...

'the thousand league journey begins with the first step...' well done

JaneyV said...

The exit is always there - just chose your door carefully...

It's nice to have an Angel who'll guide the way.

Laurel said...

I love the image of the bird breaking free and the requirement of responsibility for redemption.

Working your way out, one thing at the time. It is, like the angel says, such a simple concept and so overwhelming at the same time.

Four Dinners said...

Hopelessness to hope in 250 words and so well crafted to get there.

I really really enjoyed that.

Thank you.

Deb Smythe said...

Loved the way the angel's voiced echoed a teen's.

John Wiswell said...

I'm with Ayodele and Lena. I enjoyed how your hardnosed angel took us from bleak nonsense to hope and action in such a short time.

Sharon Poppen said...

I want to meet that angel. What a great character you've created in so few words. A really enjoyable read. Nice.

illyriataylor said...

FINALLY a piece on angels. This was very well layered.

catvibe said...

REally nice one. I love this angel voice...

Dolors said...

An optimistic, positive stand during a difficult situation. Nicely rendered.

james r. tomlinson said...

One thing I've learned from working in a prison, you've got to have patience. Your story conveys that.

Chris Eldin said...

Very well written! I love the hopeful pieces, and yours works, really works well!

Aerin said...

Dear Entrants #1-105,

I have read your pieces so that I can fairly participate in the Readers' Choice vote. (I read all of them through last week, before I started commenting.) I will be coming back around to offer my keep/tweak comment, but I didn't want anyone to snark.

Cheers,
Aerin (#236)

BTW, it's perfectly fine if you still want to snark, but this way you can choose a more appropriate subject, like the Golden Globes or those wretched Old Navy dummies.