Sunday, January 10, 2010

Entry #108

The White Crow
by Aditya

This is the story of the White Crow,
From him came all the crows we see today.
His descendants are black, even though he was ivory white,
Curious? Then listen to what I have to say…

One evening, as he returned to his nest,
He found his beloved wife distraught, in tears.
One of their children had gone missing,
“What if…?” neither could voice the darkest fears.

So he plunged into the heart of the forest,
Without a thought to the dangers of the eerie, scary night.
Neither moon nor stars could guide him,
Because the dense woods cruelly denied him light.

Gigantic trees would suddenly loom up from nowhere,
Jagged branches tried to claw at his wings.
But he kept going and at last he heard a feeble “Cheep!”
Ah! Surely that sound was the sweetest of things?

When he returned to the nest, his wife gave a start,
And he suddenly looked at himself in the starlight dim.
As black as the blackest coal he had become,
It was Night itself which had settled forever on him.

So the next time you see a crow,
With a coat shiny and glossy and black.
Remember that it is a testimony to that courageous soul,
Who braved his worst fears to get someone he loved, back.


Ayodele Morocco-Clarke said...

Nice Poem!

Preeti said...

Oh God!
That was so beautiful, Aditya.
Very original.

You almost sound like one of those nomads who travel from one place to another telling tales of courage and love. It has a very folk-mythological feel to it. Made me wonder if it could be true.


pjd said...

The ending is terrific. Nice work.

Lee Hughes said...

I thought that to be pretty much outstanding, great writing!

Craig said...

I enjoyed the narration. Good job.

lena said...

Such a touching poetic tale. Loved it.

desiderata said...

Ah, I thought of doing a poetic rendition
but i paused in trepidation
so it's back to prose writHing
doping the blackNwhite thing

"welldone!" to the poet:)the crow doeth smile
and Desi says gOodbye:)

Tessa said...

Lovely imagery and beautifully rhythmic. Well done!

Bernita said...

A charming fable in the traditional style.


Aditya, this ballad reminds me of one of my favourite songs when I was a kid. It was called "Ek tha gul aur ek thi bulbul" and I remember hounding my mom to sing it to me practically every night. I love the pure simplicity.

Scribblers Inc said...

I could picturise it as being narrated in a "Kamelot-ish" place with a harp and flowing robes to compliment it...

Mithun Mukherjee.

Tim Remp said...

Very well done. Bravo.

Aniket said...

Finally some respect to them crows. We had been blaming them for murders for so long now. :)

Loved how well you constructed the story in between the rhymes. The end is a classic.

Charmaine said...

Wow. I didn't see that coming.

I love surprises. I loved your story.

I still, however, hate crows.

In my neighborhood, it is as if their natural preditors have evaporated. We are inundated by crows. They are defiant, strong and scratching in the palm trees.

I almost ran into one with my car the other day. He wouldn't move. He stood in the middle of the road, staring me down with a french fry in his beak.

It was like a perverse game of "chicken". He stood fast until moments before my bumper would have smashed him.

I had decided to become the next natural preditor to the crow. But I think, McDonald's will get him in the end.

Meghan said...

Great story!

laughingwolf said...

love it, aditya :)

anks said...

Nice story... :) and doing it as a poetry was cool....

Tara said...

Wow. That was just wow!

Laurel said...

I love the fable quality and verse form, it makes this feel old.

I also like the notion that the crow's black feathers were earned through something noble instead of some curse. I think crow feathers are beautiful.

JaneyV said...

Another comment bites the dust! I'll go again!

Aditya - I think that this verse would work very well as an illustrated book for younger children. I love how the narrator draws the reader in with a question then spins the tale. The end is very satisfying too.

Four Dinners said...

Very beautifully written.

And I love the crow is the brave hero for a change!!!!!

Deb Smythe said...

Love fable-verse tone. Well done.

Kartik said...

Nicely done, Aditya. I think one could strum a power metal ballad out of this :)

Liz S said...

Beautiful story! I love that you've written it as a poem. Nice work.

Katherine Tomlinson said...

Loved the rhythm of the story telling, agree that it sounds like something a jongleur might have recited once upon a cold winter's night.

Karen said...

I really wanted to do poetry, but the story wouldn't come to me. You had no such problem! The fable quality of this is perfectly suited to your rhyme scheme and the prompt. Good work!

ollwen said...

Nice to see a pleasant Just So Story amongst all the morbidity.

catvibe said...

Just so lovely, both in words and ideas.

raine said...

This was lovely!

Jean said...

Wonderful. This is going on my top-10 list.

james r. tomlinson said...

This is epic! Very creative interpretation. And the format for it is just perfect.

Chris Eldin said...

Beautiful! And I agree, you do sound like a wandering nomad! Very nicely told.

Anonymous said...

my caveat

Something I Would Keep

There's a tenderness of the narrator for these birds that echoes the parent crows' concern for their missing child - I love how well these feelings are evoked

Something I Might Tweak

The meter is inconsistent enough that I'd probably either adjust it or not have it at all and choose a different rhyme scheme.