Sunday, January 10, 2010

Entry #110

Broken Lip(s)
by Susan Vermeulen


She opened her eyes, one after the other. Touching her lips she winced and went scarlet; pain, discomfort, embarrassment?

Terrible things happen in life, no one would, or let’s say no one should want them to occur but they simply do; they stick out, poke their way in, arrive from the blue. There is always someone who is responsible, who refuses to own up, to apologise. Sorry is a tiny word but it’s a beautiful colour and smells breathtaking.

The night stuck out, there it was, all around her and didn’t look like coming to an end. Sighing she shut her eyes this time and made everything into a wonderland.

He arrived on a stallion, disturbing the soaring bird, looking splendid, regal, in control. His expression said it all, he was suddenly at her feet, head down, imploring, without words begging for forgiveness with his presence, his attitude; then it was happening, they were together again. He could finger her damaged lips and she loved the sensation, her emerging smile brought the story to an end. The smile would stay, not on the lips perhaps but inside, she would definitely endeavour not to let it get away; a smile, sorry, they say it all. Even soaring birds shouldn’t pose a threat but who can say what a shadow conceals.

29 comments:

Ayodele Morocco-Clarke said...

Nice!!!

kashers said...

So is that what comes when a woman lays down on a Wonderland mattress?

Guess the guy's name is Darcy.

As I imagine he's the cause behind her mouth's injury, it seems to me her fantasy is a lie.

Preeti said...

Oh my God.
Im amazed at the colour and smell of a sorry. Absolutely amazed. I have never ever ever ever come across a more beautiful line.
And I am a little concerned for the woman. Is she too forgiving for her own good???
I loved this. It is extremely well written.

pjd said...

I, too, am concerned for this woman, and sad. I don't like her choices, but I like the way you've written her. She definitely seems real.

Lee Hughes said...

"Sorry is a tiny word but it’s a beautiful colour and smells breathtaking." That line just knocked me for six, absolutely fantastic piece, well done!

Craig said...

Sigh sad and true. Bet he says he won't do it again either.

lena said...

Like some of the commenters above I too am a bit concerned for a woman. Will her choices be good for her in the end?
Your writing is really great!

Tessa said...

Beautiful, breathtaking sorry. I've always thought of 'sorry' as a timid little whisper, but now...now it soars. Lovely writing.

Aniket said...

I have a close friend to have made that choice. And I know her to regret it later, each day.

I wish that her fate is better.

Scribblers Inc said...

This is sweet writing...I am glad that this contest lets people see such amazing talent!! :)

Mithun Mukherjee.

austere said...

This is about abuse, right; and an apology as a prelude to more abuse... dark.

Mayur said...

hope. makes everything seem worthwhile.

I wish more (wouldn't just say women, because there is something for everyone to learn over here) could snap out of this thought process and understand that what they are trying to clutch to is already lost.

a very great thought and i love the way you have presented it.

chaiselongue said...

Intense and terrifying. Too true, I'm afraid.

Meghan said...

"Sorry is a tiny word but it’s a beautiful colour and smells breathtaking."

That is just fabulous. I love how you gave a word a scent. Very original.

Tara said...

Wonderfully captured.

Mr. H. said...

That was a very intense story and I found your ability to get so many feelings across in such a short verse to be most amazing. Tragic and disturbing yet beautiful.

laughingwolf said...

ab fab, susan...

Laurel said...

Sorry is a tiny word but it’s a beautiful colour and smells breathtaking

This is obviously a standout for everybody. It isn't just beautifully rendered, it illustrates her motivation and something you hear often from women in this type of relationship. The making up is so wonderful, he's so sorry and sweet, they live for that moment.

I don't know what drives the instinct to earn love through hurt. It's horrible. I hope she gets over her infatuation with sorry before the guy on the stallion kills her.

JaneyV said...

Susan this is a strong, beautiful and disturbing piece. You write with incredible delicacy. The synesthesia line really popped for me too.

I see this as a power struggle between two damaged people. He imposes himself on her with his brutishness and she has all the power when he is wracked with guilt.

His expression said it all, he was suddenly at her feet, head down, imploring, without words begging for forgiveness with his presence, his attitude; then it was happening, they were together again. He could finger her damaged lips and she loved the sensation, her emerging smile brought the story to an end

She lives for this and that's the thing I find chilling.

Well done.

Four Dinners said...

Delicate and strangely disturbing.

Great writing!

Deb S said...

Even soaring birds shouldn’t pose a threat but who can say what a shadow conceals."

That's a great last line.

Kartik said...

Couldn't agree more about the last line!

Patsy said...

Love the idea of words having colours and scents.

catvibe said...

I agree with everyone on the sorry line. Just excellent and a real standout. But my immediate reaction at the end was, how can this woman still care and make the vile man a prince in her mind? It made me wince, truly. Well written.

truevoid said...

Loved these lines

There is always someone who is responsible, who refuses to own up, to apologise. Sorry is a tiny word but it’s a beautiful colour and smells breathtaking.

james r. tomlinson said...

Maybe I'm being a Nosey-Nora, but I wanted to know what the argument, the fight was about. You conveyed your main character's feeling superbly.

Chris Eldin said...

Very chilling rendering of an abusive relationship. And feeling like things will never change for either of them.

Aerin said...



my caveat

Something I Would Keep

there's an underlying eroticism, almost masochistic - the dark side of me resonates with the way you've sculpted it.

Something I Might Tweak

I was unclear as to why he had to arrive on a stallion - I guess it threw me a little too much.

Harper said...

Well, sometimes sorry stinks to high heavens even if comes riding in on an ass dressed up like a stallion. But, the writing is good...mustn't kill the messenger...