by Michael A Kechula
The entire surface of Mars was red and barren, except for one black bush.
Astronauts from the planet Zorg spotted the bush during their first expedition to Mars.
“Get a load of that,” one of them said. “Did you ever see anything so ugly?”
Yanking it from the red dusty soil, they put it aboard their spacecraft and took it back to Zorg for analysis.
The Martians went ballistic. The Grand Pooh-bah of Mars sent a message to Zorg’s Emperor: “Your stupid astronauts have kidnapped our God. Return Him immediately. Our churches are in chaos.”
Zorg’s Emperor replied, “Are you kidding me? You mean that ridiculous-looking, scrawny, black bush with a stupid blob hanging from it is your God? How dumb. Why don’t you heathens worship our Sun like everybody else in the universe?”
Incensed, the Martians fired 10,000 nuclear missiles at Zorg’s Sun.
Minutes after Zorg’s Sun was blown to smithereens, a newsreader for Intergalactic News reported, “The economy on Earth continues to worsen. Hold on—we just received an emergency news flash from a distant galaxy. Good grief! Zorg’s Sun has been completely destroyed. The Emperor of Zorg has requested emergency aid shipments of 1-trillion electric generators, lamps, and light bulbs. Here’s another news flash. It’s from the Emperor himself: ‘Attention all worshippers of Zorg’s Sun. I have terrible news. God is dead. All church services throughout the universe have been canceled…forever.’”