Monday, January 11, 2010

Entry #132

The Hunt
by Kim Watters


Soaring high in the sky, the hunt is on. The predator is looking for its next prey, so as to feed his family. There, over there, is that something moving in the tall grass? No, it is just the wind. Food is scarce, for the winter was long and the days were cold. Soon it will be spring with the rebirth of life and an abundance of food for survival. The hunger grows as he continues the hunt.

On the ground, small animals hide and quiver in fear as they see the silhouette of the hunter on the ground as he soars high in the sky above. Don’t move - he’s looking this way! There, he’s moved on. Quickly, quickly, get to shelter before he looks back this way.

The hunter finds himself flying further and further afield, away from his young, searching for food, for that first taste of blood of the day. Movement far ahead, a sure sign there is life on the move. Quickly, quickly, move in for the kill!

Spotted! Nowhere to hide, must keep moving. Closer, closer, he sees me now, he’s after me now! Must find somewhere to hide. There! Up ahead, just over there, if I can only reach it in time.

The hunter flies closer, closer, until he can almost taste the blood! Just a little closer and the prey will be his. He swoops closer, closer still.

In a last ditch effort the prey makes a mighty leap for the hole...caught!

17 comments:

Bernita said...

Very Darwinian.

Craig said...

I like how you brought a very different feel to both perspectives but that they were both frantic.

Aniket said...

I realize I love it more when Jerry beats Tom. But this was extremely well written. I too liked how you managed to provide the POVs of the hunter and the hunted in the piece. Bravo.

austere said...

Almost like an etching.
Very nice.

laughingwolf said...

nice one, kim...

Deb S said...

Nice job of capturing the bird's POV through word choice and sentence structure.

Laurel said...

This captures the sense of conflict I feel every time I watch Animal Planet. I hate for the predators to be hungry and I hate for the prey to get caught.

Good exposition of the consequences on both sides.

Four Dinners said...

The circle of life eh?

Very nicely written. Very nice indeed.

I'm with Laurel...I shut my eyes when somethings about to be eaten...

lena said...

I like the way you managed to use different perspectives in one piece. Very cleverly done.

pjd said...

Normally I'd be annoyed by shifting back and forth between two characters and POVs as you did, but in this one I like it.

catvibe said...

I was going to talk about the use of perspectives, but I see the others beat me to it. Interesting and nice job. Nature is so brutal!

Kartik said...

The transition between the narratives was very smooth indeed!

Anonymous said...

From an editing standpoint I'd've nicked the second "on the ground" because the reader can figure out that "the silhouette of the hunter" is a shadow. Other than that, the POV shifts worked just fine. --JR

JaneyV said...

You depict the fight for survival very vividly.

Chris Eldin said...

Love the conflict here, but agree with Laurel. I'm always rooting for both sides...

Kim Watters said...

After reading my story over, I totally agree with what was said by anonymous. I unfortunately didn't realize I had done that and would have gotten rid of it had I known. Otherwise, I thank you all for your terrific comments on my effort

Aerin said...



my caveat

Something I Would Keep

I needed this narrated by a hushed British commentator...no, seriously, I did like the quick pace and non-biased tone.

Something I Might Tweak

I might try to find a way to convey the quickness without exclamation points.