Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Entry #149

Things Boys Do
by NothingMan


The puppet show hall is crowded tonight. It seems all of the people on H-Earth have gathered in that small place and maybe it is true too. There are just 356 of us left now. The plague has made us weak. And small.

Grandma often talks about a movie where everyone is small, but Grandma lies a lot.

Tonight’s puppet show is also an adaptation of an Earth movie about Blue people and a lot of colorful things. Like the colors I see every time I take the drugs sold by the monkey on the corner of my street.

I feel her hand squeeze my hand as an emotional moment is played out on the stage. Her hand is soft and it makes me want to do things to her.

I control myself.

Once the show is over and we are out of the hall, which is nothing but a big plastic box, we stand outside looking for a ride home.

Look at this, I tell her. I put my finger to my temple and tap into The Grid. There is an eagle above us and I order it down. It glides in front of us, spreads its majestic wings and opens its beak at me. I throw a tinny piece of meat in its beak and we climb aboard the eagle.

I can tell she is impressed as the eagle takes flight.

We’ll do things.


(Nothingman writes short stories at A Story A Day and poems at Poetry. )

30 comments:

Bernita said...

Avatar is surely viral.

Deb S said...

Beautiful writing. And great job with the world-building in such few words. Plus the story left me with a slightly unsettled vibe. Which is a good thing, of course:)

lena said...

The writing left me speechless. I would love to reread again and again. A really good story.

Antriksh Satyarthi said...

@Nman
way to go Nman...
never thought 'Avataar' can become so interesting :P

kashers said...

Just read #150 and I thought that was weird. This is too, in a good way.

Aniket said...

I am an out-n-out Avatar fan. Would've loved to be a Na'mi. So this story is very welcome. :)

Four Dinners said...

You go N Man!!!! That is brilliantly written. One of the best you've done since I tracked you down.

Zennmaster said...

Quick Q... is it supposed to be something to do with avatar? Or was it unintentional...

Laurel said...

Haven't seen Avatar myself so I didn't pick up on that particular reference. The grid, though, reminded me of The Matrix. Very cool vibe here and I like the romantic element in the middle of the Bladerunner feel.

laughingwolf said...

ok, but who is 'her'?

anu said...

liked the romantic side of the tale:)

wrath999 said...

Excellebt read. Very imaginative

Charmaine said...

Hold up.

Now, I'm the first one to admit to my own mental retardation but did the protagonist just say he wanted to do things to his grandmother?

I'm going to have to go see the movie. Argh.

pjd said...

Charmaine, I was just about to say it. Near as I can tell, both grammatically and contextually, not only does he want to do things to grandma, he and grandma will do things. That's messed up.

But very, very well written.

I was a little confused by H-Earth. I couldn't tell if "H-Earth" is a different planet, or if it was the MC starting to say Hell but correcting it to Earth.

Sarabjit Lehal said...

Great story!

But then came Charmaine and pjd! :-)

Nothingman said...

uh, no people he's watching movie with his girlfriend, grandma is dying back home:)

Nothingman said...

but hey it's you who thought it! not me ;-) lolz:) thanks for the comments all, really appreciate :)

catvibe said...

I didn't think he was trying to fornicate with grandma thank god. I did feel this had a Matrix feel, and I haven't seen Avatar so have no clue. I did enjoy this very much, I loved the weird world you introduced tho. The monkey on the corner was a nice touch. Cool!

RockstarNinja said...

This piece is descriptive in a way that allows your minds eye to conjure up vivid images, but doesn't force the writers interpretation on to you.
Imaginative, it draws you in leaving you wanting more. The art of short stories is to evoke emotion or reaction with few words & this writer achieves that.
Well done.

Craig said...

Impressive worldbuilding.

Jon said...

Nice... has kind of a magic-realism feel to it...

would like ot see where this world will lead... and what's on stage next...

Kartik said...

Super! I totally enjoyed reading this. Even in a futuristic world, the heart prevails.

JaneyV said...

Sorry - but my first comment was lost.

I just wanted to say that I liked it a lot. It had a trippy feel to it which added to the other-worldliness if the piece.

James R. Tomlinson said...

Drugs? Sold by a monkey? Not literally I hope. And the narrator: whose hand did he take, Grandmas? Or the Monkey? Perhaps I need to take a break from reading, or get a refreshment. Still, I'm intrigued by the whole set-up of this piece.

Sarah Laurenson said...

Amazing world building in such a short piece. Awesome.

Preeti said...

Totally TRIPSOME!!!

I loved it. Thoroughly.

Could almost listen to Massive Attack in the background (uhmmm... Rising Son, maybe???) and all those blue people and colours...

"Her hand is soft and it makes me want to do things to her..."
Why why do i love this line...??? Sigh...

the paragraph where they are standing outside. what happens there...is like the ultimate trip...

all right...i think i shall just leave this space now. i think i have ranted enough.

but, Nothingman... i think you have made the obscure seem very senseful...

Aerin said...



my caveat

Something I Would Keep

creepy, N - as usual of course :) - but effective creepy. I love that you don't resort to campy or cliche to give a sense of otherworldliness. Everything's snappy and fresh - well, rotting, fresh, but you know what I mean.

Something I Might Tweak

There's never any reference to whose hand "her" is - which is why we all thought Grandma. :) If you don't want to name the girlfriend, just say something like her "young hand" or whatever to set apart

Chris Eldin said...

I also thought it was Grandma's hand. But other than that, this was well written and very enjoyable!

Nothingman said...

ok, fine. He was trying to fornicate with his grandmother :D

It is NOT a mistake on my part, the population in that alternate reality is very less, so inbreeding is common practice.

*slams head in keyboard*

Jokes aside, much thanks for the feedback people, it reminds me I got a long long way to go :D

Cheers!

N

Preeti said...

Am i the only one then who did not associate Grandma with the soft hand that wanted to make you do things... ??? :(

Or am i just plain weird???