Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Entry #150

Get Ready For The Weirdness
by Kurt Hendricks


"Get ready for the weirdness," I said, turning the knob.

We were blinded as the huge picture window was revealed; it was a brilliant, clear day outside. As our eyes were adjusting to the sudden brightness, Lisa gasped and took a step back. I thought she was startled by the rather large disco ball hanging from the ceiling, but even as the thought was forming, a solid 'thwack' reverberated through the room.

I expected some reaction from Mayme, but she didn't stir from her seat by the window. I walked over, repeating her name, louder and more urgent each time. An apprehensive hand reached out to touch hers, which was clutching the joystick controller for her electric wheelchair. It felt like defrosted poultry.

"Another one," I told Lisa. This was her first time delivering, and I wanted to instill in her an expectation of this sort of thing. She just looked right through me with a thousand mile stare. I turned to Mayme and sighed.

I never thought I'd end up a drug dealer again. Ever since legalization, the glamour - not to mention the money - had left the profession. The clientele had changed, too; now mostly senior citizens looking for pain relief or a way out. Coltrane played on softly in the background.

“That crow…,” Lisa whispered, “it flew right into the window.” She was still obviously a little shaken. “It must’ve been attracted to the shiny thing.”

“Yeah,” I said, “you’ll get a lot of that.”


(Kurt Hendricks has lived in the Upper Midwest for most of his life, and is not the sort of person you will hear complaining about cold weather. He was the winner of the 2007 Key Editing and Writing Writer’s Competition. His work has previously been featured in Parallax, the literary journal of Ripon College.)

30 comments:

Bernita said...

"It felt like defrosted poultry"
I love that line.

Anonymous said...

Loved the future-day drug dealer twist.
Deb S.

lena said...

Very well done. Love the writing.

kashers said...

This is weirdness with a capital wubble-u. Maybe a bad habit of mine, but I'm hooked.

Aniket said...

The line "Ever since legalization, the glamour - not to mention the money - had left the profession" reminded me of Goodfellas.

Great writing.

Four Dinners said...

Felt like the start of a damn good story...I want more!!!

Laurel said...

I love the disco ball. Defrosted poultry. Thousand mile stare. Lots of good detail here. I wonder if they are there to control her pain or euthanize her?

Surreal.

Nothingman said...

You know what is weird? My entry #149 has references to movie watching and drugs too :|

Funny story though :P

N

laughingwolf said...

neat...

Patsy said...

Like the callousness of the last line. That really sums him up.

Anonymous said...

This story pops! I love the detail, the setting, and dialogue. Good job. --JR

pjd said...

All very good. The poultry line is worth reading 149 other entries to get to.

catvibe said...

I was just reading last night about how they are trying to get pot legalized in California and it will likely be on the November ballot(for recreation, it's already legal for medicinal). So your story was excellent timing considering...I loved your use of imagery here. Defrosted poultry is about the best description I can imagine for such a thing, and it really is like that, old old withered flesh, especially if the hands are cold. Nice job! REally really nice job, so nice I'm sticking it on my evergrowing favs list.

Craig said...

I can only echo how great that line was.

Kurt Hendricks said...

Thanks to everyone for your comments. I'm having a blast reading all the fantastic entries. Best of luck to all.

McKoala said...

This one is fascinating; distinctly different.

Kartik said...

Awesome!

truevoid said...

a thousand mile stare. superb!

JaneyV said...

It's a scary vision but one with a lot of truth I'd say. Great imagery and voice.

Sarah Laurenson said...

Legalize drugs and mostly seniors will be your clients? Intriguing take on both the picture and drug dealing in the future.

Well done.

Preeti said...

This is scary.
I shivered in the end. The disco ball, Mayme and the joystick...
the thwack made me jump...
"thousand mile stare" is one of the best phrases in this contest...
the plot is unique...
the perspective is even better...
in the end i left with an image of the crow thwacking against the window...and Mayme watching vacantly...

OH GOD...

Brilliant.

Blodeuedd said...

Nice, and strange, I do like good writing about a possible future

Aimee Laine said...

If only dealing could be boring now! ;) Great read!

Aerin said...



my caveat

Something I Would Keep

I LOVE the first line - it's true for the characters and also for the reader, and gets us ready to understand what's happening. I also appreciate the action (thank you thank you thank you) that moves the piece forward.

Something I Might Tweak

I'm not sure you need the line "I never thought" about drug-dealer - I like the punch delivered by "Ever since legalization"

James R. Tomlinson said...

This completes my top three picks. Your story, after reading all 236 entries, had a lasting impression on me. Best of luck to you!

Rabid Fox said...

An interesting bit of spec-fi wrapped up in this one. Not bad.

Chris Eldin said...

Unique take on the prompt...very nicely done!

BernardL said...

A packed full tryst into the future. Very entertaining.

Tara said...

It was weird. But I liked it. A lot.

Dottie (My Blog 2.0) said...

I loved the weirdness of it all, the disco ball, felt like defrosted poultry...great imagery.

Congrats!

Dottie :)