Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Entry #157

Form to Form
by Mark C. Durfee


From the side of my eye I caught the movement, the shadow silhouette of someone moving towards me in the deeper darkness of the un-illuminated alley. I heard the rustle of paper against shoe as my body began to loosen. Without sound or yell the silhouette formed into a man with an open blade coming at me.

Never one to run, I to meet the assailants approach, hands down, body loose. There was no doubt in either of us that one of us would be taking flight from this earth in the dark moonlit moments ahead. Predator or prey was the only question running in my mind. My life threatened the decision became mine.

Tonight, I would be predator. Instantly assuming my avian form, his forward motion carried his eyes directly to my talons. He was too heavy to lift as I took wing, clutching the watery orbs. I became as the prey had been, just another image of dark sailing through a darker night looking to feed my hunger.

19 comments:

Crafty Green Poet said...

I like the shapeshifting in this, and the last sentence is very striking.

lena said...

I love the last line the most. It has something special in it.

Laurel said...

Good juxtaposition. I love a story where the hunter becomes hunted.

I really like this...I remember enjoying your last entry, as well. Good job!

Bernita said...

"my body began to loosen."
Ouch.
Though you explained it almost immediately, my first thought was that he'd wet his pants.Sorry!
Perhaps you don't need that line.

kashers said...

Ah the joy of transmogrification.

Anonymous said...

I know that "dark alley" is more typical, and maybe it's just me, but I'd prefer it over "un-illuminated alley." With a 250 word limit, these decisions are difficult. Shades of darkness aren't easy to comprehend either. Nice horror flash. --JR

laughingwolf said...

well done, mark... i thought the same as bernita, though

pjd said...

Again, Bernita beats me to the comments and hits it head on.

I kind of want to know why there's a guy with a knife coming at the MC. As it is, for me it's a bit of a detached moment, a random act of violence. I don't feel that much of a connection to the characters at all. (I know, I know... 250 words!)

the walking man said...

Thanks for the constructive critiques. The 250 word count had nothing to do with the choice of words in this piece.

I understand why some would define "loosen" as the loosening of the bowels. Yet this is a reaction born of fear. If there is (and obviously there is) fault it is not the word "loosen," it is not having conveyed before the word that this being has no fear.

Why he is being attacked is of no relevance, could be a mugging, could be a bookies agent...it is whatever you decide it is.

I did play with a couple of lines that would have given an indication. But I have known too many random violence victims for the "why" to have relevance in my mind anymore.

I agree that un-illuminated could have been better described, and that because it is not a common way to describe a dark alley and it presents a hitch in the flow. *shrug*

The theme was silhouettes and the prompt was a raptor flying. What I wrote yesterday looking at the picture may well be something else entirely today.

Thank you all for spending first the time to read, and secondly, more importantly, the time to critique and comment. It is the only way to see a piece through your eyes.

Be Well

mark

austere said...

This is just very good.

catvibe said...

See, our stories have an eerie similarity here. We both are entities that enjoy eating eyes. How can that be wrong? I love the dark alley scene here, as it unfolds. Nice imagery.

Craig said...

I like the protagonists calm in a pressure situation. It gives him an air of experience.

Karen said...

I took the moment of loosening to be that decision to flow into the other creature - predator, not prey. That these things do happen randomly also seemed, unfortunately, natural. That this guy decided to become the raptor - now that's just cool.

Michael Morse said...

Yours is one of my favorite story progressions, and one very well done! Thanks, I enjoyed reading.

the walking man said...

Thank you all for taking the time.

prose is not my usual form of late but this was simply a fun diversion for me and I appreciate all of your inputs and wish you all to be well.

Thank You

mark

JaneyV said...

I love the darkness of this and I think that you described the action and the mind of the shapeshifter well. It put me in mind of the batman comics. It had that Dark Knight feel to it - as well as the ambiguity of not knowing which of the characters - if any - is the good guy.

Preeti said...

i loved this. totally.

i wish it could be made into a video. it would be breathtakingly beautiful.
there is something about dark alleys and knives and evil intentions and paranormal activities...

wow...

Aerin said...



my caveat

Something I Would Keep

the detail of paper against shoe spoke volumes in an otherwise sparse piece. i liked it.

Something I Might Tweak

Unlike some others, I didn't care for the last line - a little too rhythmically sing-songy. that's just my preference, tho.

Chris Eldin said...

Enjoyed reading this one!