Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Entry #156

Black Angels
by Danielle Rickel


“I think it’s an angel Tom.”

“It’s just a bird Phil.”

“It’s not, it’s beautiful, look now there’s two. One for each of us.”

“It’s getting dark, you’re delusional, they’re only birds.”

“Can’t you feel the breeze from their wings, it’s like a fine silk caressing my skin. Their smell will be as intoxicating as a fine wine.”

“Like you’ve ever known the feel of a fine silk, or the smell of a fine wine, besides the fact that you can’t feel anything Phil, or smell anything. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. Never again.”

“Stop being such a downer Tom. Look, more angels have come, they’re getting closer.”

“Angels wouldn’t want us, ever, we’ve committed too many sins too many times. They’re birds, just stupid birds, probably come to peck our eyes out or something.”

“Our eyes aren’t what’s important to them.”

“You’re kind of starting to freak me out.”

“See the play of light on their wings, it looks like oil, or maybe more silk. No, not silk, it’s too glossy. They’re almost here now, I’ve waited my whole life for this moment.”

“Good God you’re losing it Phil.”

“They have nothing to do with God Tom, please don’t insult them.”

“I thought you said they’re angels?”

“Well Tom, I never said what kind of angels.”

“Oh. Shit.”

21 comments:

Crafty Green Poet said...

I like the twist at the end of this...

lena said...

I enjoyed reading dialogue. Yet I would prefer to have something more than just a dialogue in a piece.
Nice twist too.

Laurel said...

Wow. This reminds me of the Wendell Berry poem...especially the last lines.

To know the dark, go dark...
And find that the dark too, blooms and sings/ and is travelled by dark feet and dark wings.

Bernita said...

Neat, black humour!

wrath999 said...

Great story with all dialogue. Hard to do, but you did it

Anonymous said...

I'm reminded of "Waiting for Godot," only this time there's a misinterpretation between two characters.

Telling a story, especially a flash-fiction piece through dialogue alone isn't always easy, especially if you're trying to include a little backstory; We're all sinners, maybe a specific sin would give the story added power. Still, I enjoyed it. --JR

laughingwolf said...

fine! :O lol

pjd said...

Great last line. I was wondering where you were going with it.

catvibe said...

Hells Angels. Funny. Nice job.

Craig said...

Nicely Worked.

Deb Smythe said...

Good twist.

CJT said...

I really like this piece, its different but was delicious.

Kartik said...

Interesting how Phil was waiting for "them" all his life :)

truevoid said...

oh shit! read the title after the story. good one!

JaneyV said...

And Hell's Angels come to tale them to damnation.

Very satisfying piece.


Word verification: buffecy - anyone call a Slayer?

Sarah Laurenson said...

Ha. Excellent.

Preeti said...

Nice. The end was unexpected. But beautiful.
Very very nice...

Aimee Laine said...

Whoops! That's what happens when you assume! ;)

Aerin said...



my caveat

Something I Would Keep

the glossy wings bit is just a really striking image, it shines purposefully out of the rest of the dark, meandering conversation

Something I Might Tweak

I couldn't tell if they were intoxicated or not?

Chris Eldin said...

I wanted to know about their sin. Still, very nicely drawn!

Chris Eldin said...

I wanted to know about their sin. Still, very nicely drawn!