Black Angels
by Danielle Rickel
“I think it’s an angel Tom.”
“It’s just a bird Phil.”
“It’s not, it’s beautiful, look now there’s two. One for each of us.”
“It’s getting dark, you’re delusional, they’re only birds.”
“Can’t you feel the breeze from their wings, it’s like a fine silk caressing my skin. Their smell will be as intoxicating as a fine wine.”
“Like you’ve ever known the feel of a fine silk, or the smell of a fine wine, besides the fact that you can’t feel anything Phil, or smell anything. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. Never again.”
“Stop being such a downer Tom. Look, more angels have come, they’re getting closer.”
“Angels wouldn’t want us, ever, we’ve committed too many sins too many times. They’re birds, just stupid birds, probably come to peck our eyes out or something.”
“Our eyes aren’t what’s important to them.”
“You’re kind of starting to freak me out.”
“See the play of light on their wings, it looks like oil, or maybe more silk. No, not silk, it’s too glossy. They’re almost here now, I’ve waited my whole life for this moment.”
“Good God you’re losing it Phil.”
“They have nothing to do with God Tom, please don’t insult them.”
“I thought you said they’re angels?”
“Well Tom, I never said what kind of angels.”
“Oh. Shit.”
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
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21 comments:
I like the twist at the end of this...
I enjoyed reading dialogue. Yet I would prefer to have something more than just a dialogue in a piece.
Nice twist too.
Wow. This reminds me of the Wendell Berry poem...especially the last lines.
To know the dark, go dark...
And find that the dark too, blooms and sings/ and is travelled by dark feet and dark wings.
Neat, black humour!
Great story with all dialogue. Hard to do, but you did it
I'm reminded of "Waiting for Godot," only this time there's a misinterpretation between two characters.
Telling a story, especially a flash-fiction piece through dialogue alone isn't always easy, especially if you're trying to include a little backstory; We're all sinners, maybe a specific sin would give the story added power. Still, I enjoyed it. --JR
fine! :O lol
Great last line. I was wondering where you were going with it.
Hells Angels. Funny. Nice job.
Nicely Worked.
Good twist.
I really like this piece, its different but was delicious.
Interesting how Phil was waiting for "them" all his life :)
oh shit! read the title after the story. good one!
And Hell's Angels come to tale them to damnation.
Very satisfying piece.
Word verification: buffecy - anyone call a Slayer?
Ha. Excellent.
Nice. The end was unexpected. But beautiful.
Very very nice...
Whoops! That's what happens when you assume! ;)
my caveat
Something I Would Keep
the glossy wings bit is just a really striking image, it shines purposefully out of the rest of the dark, meandering conversation
Something I Might Tweak
I couldn't tell if they were intoxicated or not?
I wanted to know about their sin. Still, very nicely drawn!
I wanted to know about their sin. Still, very nicely drawn!
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