Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Entry #163

The Raven
by Thom Gabrukiewicz


She’s fresh from a warm bath, skin puckered and pink from various salts and essential oils.

She lounges naked on cool cotton sheets, her weight supported on one hip, a leg crossed over the other. She supports her head, wet hair still wrapped in a towel, on bent elbow.

I watch from the hallway, her reflection in an antique oval floor mirror.

She stretches an arm to the night stand, picks up a thick, leather-bound volume and spreads it open. Quickly she coughs into a balled fist and in an otherworldly voice, speaks:

“Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary...”

I watch the mirror image, watch her pale skin go dark and mottled, stare as filaments of feathers sprout, and unfurl in inky blackness.

Horrified, I shove knuckles into my mouth. She hears me, cackles:

“Tis some visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door - Some late visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door; - This it is, and nothing more.”

I enter and everything is as it was. She’s naked, smiling devilish, and reaches for me with open arms.

I go to her, run a hand across her inner thigh.

She wraps her arms around my shoulders, brushes full lips across my cheek, the tip of her tongue finds its mark.

And in her embrace I shudder, as into my ear, the other voice whispers:

“And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor…
Shall be lifted - nevermore!”

24 comments:

Laurel said...

YAY! I did Poe the last contest...glad to see he is not forsaken.

This was so well done. Sensual at first and then horrifying. Good work!

Anonymous said...

Poe certainly was ahead of his time. Your opening is very strong. I'm not so sure I'd've used the quotes. I think the story would be even more powerful without them.

Anonymous said...

oops, sorry, the above is from JR.

Bernita said...

Some strong descriptive elements.

laughingwolf said...

nicely done, thom!

kashers said...

Eeeeek... and there I was fancying her.

Aniket said...

Me likes it! ;)


And I still fancy her. Not many better ways to die out there than that. :D

I loved the voice of the piece.

McKoala said...

I like this one too. Very nice writing.

austere said...

Brilliant.

Tim Remp said...

Hey Thom,
I enjoyed the integration of Poe’s words with your own. This is nicely woven together, horror and sensual encounter.

-Tim
http://clarityofnight.blogspot.com/2010/01/entry-138.html

catvibe said...

We could not possibly have this contest without having a reference to this 'Poe'm Nice job. What is really creepy about this is that she is insane and he's going to sleep with that otherworldly thing that is inhabiting her. :-)

peggy said...

Thom, this was very sensuous. I love sensuous horror. I too, like the way you wove Poe into the action.

lena said...

Very visual and sensual too. Very well written. Liked this one.

Craig said...

Good job.

Deb Smythe said...

Yes, ditto all the above. You're going to have a lot of hot and bothered readers:)

pjd said...

Hard not to like an opening like that. Eerie and creepy finish, though...

Kartik said...

lol @pete!

But yes, one can't help but drawn to such characters! Good job!

JaneyV said...

And I keep asking myself - "why'd he go in?"

Lovely descriptive language here. I could picture her reclining in her boudoir tempting him in with such clarity.

Very nicely written.

Sarah Laurenson said...

Wow. Nicely done. Very nicely done.

Still pondering it all...

Preeti said...

Phew...

my eyes widened and widened and in the end i was left gaping at the screen...right now im keying this comment in an absolutely dazed state...

What was that???

The entire para about her sitting..the postures, the reactions, the visuals, the quotes, OH MY GOD...

BRILLIANT....

Aimee Laine said...

Eeery! Well done!

Aerin said...



my caveat

Something I Would Keep

Oooh, sensuous and lightly erotic - without seeming trashy! Nice!

Something I Might Tweak

I'm with JR - take out the quotes. I mean that in a good way - the piece is definitely strong without them.

Chris Eldin said...

A strange mix, but highly effective! Love the nod to Poe!

Dottie (My Blog 2.0) said...

I loved the Poe quotes, brings a whole new meaning to the piece, loved it!

Congrats on the H/M!

Dottie :)