Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Entry #162

Seed Of Evil
by Louise Dragon


The shadow floated by the instant Claudia slipped backwards off the windowsill, and sensed the hundreds of feet of open space beneath her. It was a sign: an epiphany, the perfect ending to her life.

In her mind’s eye, Claudia pictured the devastation left behind as her body plummeted to destruction.

Her children, once beautiful sweet babies, now slept the deepest sleep of all. How could she have known they’d become nagging and whiny? They drove her to it. Never giving her a moment’s peace. She felt no remorse. She had to do it. They had spied on her . . . watched as she buried the ice pick into their father over and over again. Cried. Actually cried for him. How ungrateful. Didn’t they know she had done them a favor? Didn’t they know that she had to do it . . . he had found out about the others.

Her necessary deeds completed, she had thought about relocating and starting over; then she heard the sirens. Someone had called the cops.

No other way out now.

They couldn’t take her alive.

The sidewalk rushed up and took Claudia’s life, but not before the evil seed planted behind her left ear burst forth and buried itself into a female spectator. The watching woman gazed up in time to see a shadowy blot wing silently away, she scratched at an itchy place behind her left ear and thought: What a beautiful way to die.

24 comments:

Laurel said...

Eerie, creepy. This reads like she's nuts until the end and then...dah, dah, DUNH! the seed. Leaves her and goes to another.

Very dark and well-crafted.

wrath999 said...

Cool, creepy and intense. Great Job

Bernita said...

I do wish she had used something besides an ice-pick as a murder weapon, though they were a popular convention in Perry Mason days.
Somewhat sanitized horror, but nicely done.

laughingwolf said...

you know the how of it, thx louise :)

kashers said...

Aha... handing over the Chalice of Evil. Very effective.

Aniket said...

Neat! Classic end. Reminded me of an episode from the Sanctuary that featured a trickster parasite. This was way more eerie, in a good way.

Great work!

catvibe said...

Ooh another entity story! Nice job! I could just see this creepy 'it' going from person to person and just wreaking havoc everywhere it goes.

Carrie said...

Very interesting take. The seed that caused the insanity apparently takes it to a whole new level.

lena said...

Creepy indeed. Greatly done. I am not a fan of dark prose, but I can appreciate good writing :)

Craig said...

Nice, unexpected twist.

Deb Smythe said...

Good job with the twist. I didn't see it coming.

pjd said...

echo Laurel. Good work.

Kartik said...

The ice pick reminds of Basic Instinct .. but obviously the mood of this piece is different from that!! :P

Tim Remp said...

The seed of insanity taking flight. Wonderfully creative.

-Tim #138
http://timremp.blogspot.com/

JaneyV said...

Very creepy. I love the notion of the impetus to commit such heinous acts is in itself a living parasite ready to jump from one host to the next.

Nicely done.

Kurt Hendricks said...

Creepy...in a good way!

Addie Hurst said...

This would make a great short film! It's so creepy and it makes you want to know the next chapter in the story of teh seed.

James R. Tomlinson said...

I'm not so sure about the "how ungrateful" line. Maybe if your narrator provided some type of specific detail in that regard. Still, this is downright creepy, and anyone that knows me, knows that I like the creepy factor.

Sarah Laurenson said...

Very creepy. Love the evil seed bit.

Preeti said...

Scary. Dark. Insane.

A very unique perspective. Handling of narrative is amazing. Kept me hooked till the end. AND even in the end i did not breathe easy. I went "uh oh..."
What next...???

Beautiful. that semblance of "there's more to come..."

Some stories are never meant to end i guess... i wish you'll write more about this...

Beth Harar said...

I was not expecting the ending! Very creative.

Aerin said...



my caveat

Something I Would Keep

the epiphany caused by the shadow, the descent to madness caused by WHINY CHILDREN (I can complete identify)

Something I Might Tweak

There's the reference in the beginning to the shadow, and then at the end, to the seed, but I would have liked some thread in the middle.

Chris Eldin said...

Creepy and well written!

Corra McFeydon said...

An interesting take on the photograph - the seed of insanity.

The visual of the woman's flight to death is well-drawn.

Nice job on originality, and very best of luck in the contest, Louise!

~ Corra McFeydon