Seed Of Evil
by Louise Dragon
The shadow floated by the instant Claudia slipped backwards off the windowsill, and sensed the hundreds of feet of open space beneath her. It was a sign: an epiphany, the perfect ending to her life.
In her mind’s eye, Claudia pictured the devastation left behind as her body plummeted to destruction.
Her children, once beautiful sweet babies, now slept the deepest sleep of all. How could she have known they’d become nagging and whiny? They drove her to it. Never giving her a moment’s peace. She felt no remorse. She had to do it. They had spied on her . . . watched as she buried the ice pick into their father over and over again. Cried. Actually cried for him. How ungrateful. Didn’t they know she had done them a favor? Didn’t they know that she had to do it . . . he had found out about the others.
Her necessary deeds completed, she had thought about relocating and starting over; then she heard the sirens. Someone had called the cops.
No other way out now.
They couldn’t take her alive.
The sidewalk rushed up and took Claudia’s life, but not before the evil seed planted behind her left ear burst forth and buried itself into a female spectator. The watching woman gazed up in time to see a shadowy blot wing silently away, she scratched at an itchy place behind her left ear and thought: What a beautiful way to die.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
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24 comments:
Eerie, creepy. This reads like she's nuts until the end and then...dah, dah, DUNH! the seed. Leaves her and goes to another.
Very dark and well-crafted.
Cool, creepy and intense. Great Job
I do wish she had used something besides an ice-pick as a murder weapon, though they were a popular convention in Perry Mason days.
Somewhat sanitized horror, but nicely done.
you know the how of it, thx louise :)
Aha... handing over the Chalice of Evil. Very effective.
Neat! Classic end. Reminded me of an episode from the Sanctuary that featured a trickster parasite. This was way more eerie, in a good way.
Great work!
Ooh another entity story! Nice job! I could just see this creepy 'it' going from person to person and just wreaking havoc everywhere it goes.
Very interesting take. The seed that caused the insanity apparently takes it to a whole new level.
Creepy indeed. Greatly done. I am not a fan of dark prose, but I can appreciate good writing :)
Nice, unexpected twist.
Good job with the twist. I didn't see it coming.
echo Laurel. Good work.
The ice pick reminds of Basic Instinct .. but obviously the mood of this piece is different from that!! :P
The seed of insanity taking flight. Wonderfully creative.
-Tim #138
http://timremp.blogspot.com/
Very creepy. I love the notion of the impetus to commit such heinous acts is in itself a living parasite ready to jump from one host to the next.
Nicely done.
Creepy...in a good way!
This would make a great short film! It's so creepy and it makes you want to know the next chapter in the story of teh seed.
I'm not so sure about the "how ungrateful" line. Maybe if your narrator provided some type of specific detail in that regard. Still, this is downright creepy, and anyone that knows me, knows that I like the creepy factor.
Very creepy. Love the evil seed bit.
Scary. Dark. Insane.
A very unique perspective. Handling of narrative is amazing. Kept me hooked till the end. AND even in the end i did not breathe easy. I went "uh oh..."
What next...???
Beautiful. that semblance of "there's more to come..."
Some stories are never meant to end i guess... i wish you'll write more about this...
I was not expecting the ending! Very creative.
my caveat
Something I Would Keep
the epiphany caused by the shadow, the descent to madness caused by WHINY CHILDREN (I can complete identify)
Something I Might Tweak
There's the reference in the beginning to the shadow, and then at the end, to the seed, but I would have liked some thread in the middle.
Creepy and well written!
An interesting take on the photograph - the seed of insanity.
The visual of the woman's flight to death is well-drawn.
Nice job on originality, and very best of luck in the contest, Louise!
~ Corra McFeydon
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