Thursday, January 07, 2010

Entry #17

The Last Supper
by Paul D Brazill


The night had crept up imperceptibly and smothered the granite coloured day with darkness. The winter moon hung fat and gibbous as Bronek blasted Arek’s brains across the snow smothered ground and produced a more than passable Rorschach test; the splashes of blood looking black in the stark moonlight.

Bronek took Arek by the ankles and hauled his massive corpse towards the dilapidated cottage, leaving a snaking trail of blood behind him. He paused, his breath appearing and disappearing in front of him like a spectre.

A murder of crows scattered and sliced through the moon’s whiteness and swooped down into the blackness of the forest. Snow began to fall like confetti. Almost imperceptibly, a smile appeared at the corner of Bronek’s mouth.

The heavy wooden door creaked as Bronek pushed it open. Arek’s head bounced off every concrete step as Bronek dragged the body downstairs into the dark and dingy basement and onto a sheet of dirty green tarpaulin. He switched on a lone light bulb, which buzzed and flickered, revealing a room cluttered with wooden barrels and crates. A dirty, spiderweb cracked mirror hung above a rusted metal sink.

Bronek knelt down and unstrapped a large hunting knife from his left leg.

Later, his stomach growled with hunger and fear as he fried Arek’s bacon smelling flesh and he tried to ignore the gnawing realisation that he was now the last man alive.


(Paul D. Brazill, who was born in England and lives in Poland, can be found stalking ‘you would say that, wouldn’t you?’ at http://pdbrazill.blogspot.com.)

53 comments:

Lena said...

Guess the realization must be painful. Really well written, gave me goosebumps.

Kristin Fouquet said...

Love this. Gritty and vivid.

Bernita said...

Excellent images and word choice.Really well-written!
Please, though, some words should be hyphenated.Did your program screw them up?

Aniket said...

Dark and gory with lots of blood. Just the way I like it. :)

Oh, and ditto to Bernita about the word choice.

Kartik said...

This seriously gave me the chills .. BRRR!

Beth Harar said...

Very vivid! And I liked the ending.

catvibe said...

Very descriptive. Good twist at the end.

David Barber said...

Nice piece, Paul. Great ending.

Leatherdykeuk said...

Most gruesome!

Paul D. Brazill said...

Thanks everyone. I quite enjoyed writing this one. Bernita, I do have hyphen issues. Maybe I need counselling? maybe a twelve step programme? It too me a while to be able to use a semi-colon!

pjd said...

For some reason, I love the head bouncing on concrete part. I am vaguely troubled that it made me laugh (but only a little bit).

Sarah Laurenson said...

Um EW. And I mean that in a really good way. Great descriptions. Really pulled me in.

Kathleen A. Ryan said...

Chilling and vivid - outstanding, as usual! Thanks for sharing your entry with us. Best wishes!

Jared said...

i felt like this flirted with grotesque without going quite there. that's a balance i struggle to find. well done!

Amias said...

Well at least he satisfied his hunger. This made my knees shake.

Tara said...

Well written. The ending left me wanting answers!

Craig said...

Very strong imagery.

Carrie said...

This was a real treat. Why Paul, you're just as nasty as I. ;)

Chris Eldin said...

EWW! But an evocative read.

Chris Allinotte said...

Had a great Cain/Abel vibe to this one ... get it ... Cainabel... canni... oh forget it - great story Paul.


Well written and a solid ending.

JaneyV said...

Paul - I love the gruesomeness of this. You captured the frenzy of the kill with total lack of regard for the quarry beautifully. I wonder if the regret is a moral one or just that by killing the only other human being he'd also dried up his food supply?

sandra seamans said...

You always manage to make my skin crawl with your stories, Paul. And I mean that in a good way. Well done!

PEOPLE, PLACES, VOICES, FACES... said...

I don't know...it's dispassionate; it's impersonal; it's dehumanizing...and so real, so desolate, so despairing. I don't quite know what I feel yet. Maybe I don't want to know.
Powerful. Cold. Intense. Icy.
I need a single malt!

Ranee

Four Dinners said...

Brilliant writing old bean!!! Absolutely loved it!

I also love bacon sandwiches...oh dear...;-)

For what it's worth...my personal top 5 by a mile mate!!!

laughingwolf said...

well done, paul...

Janel said...

Great wrap up, very nice twist.

j guevara said...

I WAS eating breakfast...

Patsy said...

Ah! I wondered why he wasn't worried about leaving a trail of blood to show what he'd done.

It's like the tree falling in a forest conundrum - if there are no possible witnesses who's to care what you do?

Think I'll be having muesli for a while now though.

Alan Griffiths said...

Excellent Paul, just excellent.

the beaten dog barks said...

Feeling hungry ... mmmmmmmm ...
Another fine one, Mr Brazill,
BRAVO!

Paul D. Brazill said...

Cheersn to everyone for all the kind words.

kashers said...

Maybe I'm sick, but I loved the idea of Arek's head bouncing off not one but every step.

I guess Bronek will have to eat crow from then on.

MRMacrum said...

Well damn. I was sure I had left a comment a couple of days ago. Hmm.

Anyway, very well done Paul. Again I am consistently impressed with how much story you get out of so few words. Your imagery is excellent.

Lee Hughes said...

That was entertaining to say the least, it was daubed with all your usual real and gritty imagery. Good luck mate.

Michael Solender said...

a gripping yarn, nice and dark!

peggy said...

Paul. First, ditto on Jared's comments. Second, everything you write is tighter than the last one. Taut, vivid, twisted and thoroughly entertaining.

You've always been one of my favorites (or, should I type favourites?!)

Excuse-the-punctuation-peggy

austere said...

It was gruesome till "last man on earth."
Then, suddenly, it was not.

Katherine Tomlinson said...

Exceptional atmosphere and love the twist (of the knife) at the end.

Laurel said...

Grisly details come thick and fast and are perfectly underscored by the first two lines, which set a cold but beautiful scene.

Bacon flesh. shudder

Awesome job.

Tim Remp said...

Loved this visual : Arek’s brains across the snow smothered ground and produced a more than passable Rorschach test

Tightly written with a twisted ending too.

desiderata said...

Brazill: CoNgrats --Toppish 3 after I've raed about 30 entries at random.Lustily satisfying meal:)

illyriataylor said...

ahahaha! Thanx for the giggle.

CJT said...

I love cannibals Paul, this was just delicious.

truevoid said...

the realization that he is alone in the end - great ending!

Lily Childs said...

Fabulously visual - in fact it hit all my senses. A brilliantly crafted piece of writing.

Not only that, I always love a fat and gibbous moon.

jasonhenrymccormick said...

Nice one, Paul.

Stephanie Green said...

Deliciously gruesome. I was transported. I actually winced at the thought of Arek's head bouncing off the steps...

quin browne said...

wicked.

james r tomlinson said...

I'm reminded of Dexter, only without justification.

Deb Smythe said...

Very descriptive prose. And a chilling story.

Jim_Wisneski said...

Nothing like a quick read. . . and meal! :)

Nice job.

Jim

Aerin said...

Dear Entrants #1-105,

I have read your pieces so that I can fairly participate in the Readers' Choice vote. (I read all of them through last week, before I started commenting.) I will be coming back around to offer my keep/tweak comment, but I didn't want anyone to snark.

Cheers,
Aerin (#236)

BTW, it's perfectly fine if you still want to snark, but this way you can choose a more appropriate subject, like the merits of Mafia Wars or whether Katie Holmes should demand a divorce

Lynn Kinsey said...

Paul, very nice. It instantly brought back memories from an exchange I had with a man who was helping to build my house in Germany. I can't remember his name. He spoke of cannibalism within his own family and how with the cold and hungering it wasn't uncommon to eat your elders. I walked away wondering if he was joking--with the deep sense that he wasn't.