Thursday, January 07, 2010

Entry #18

The Flock of Deconstructed Reality
by Rachel Green


There were crows flying above Blue Fairy Hill. Harold could see them in silhouette as he passed beneath the winter-stilled beeches that covered most of the lower slopes. Beech gave way to pine which yielded in turn to sloe and hawthorn as he reached the top. He stood panting and the woman sat on the outcrop of flint glanced at him, narrowing her eyes.

"Why are they silent?" Harold asked. "The crows, I mean. I've never seen silent crows."

"They're not crows." Meinwen shifted position, sending a clatter of leaf debris over the edge. "Look at them properly."

Harold stared upward. "They look like crows to me," he said. "Very dark crows, with silver speck."

"Those aren't specks, they're stars. The crows are holes in the sky. They've been circling for hours, waiting."

"Waiting for what?"

"You."

"Me?" Harold thrust a hand into his pocket. There were perhaps a dozen feathers there. Was there enough to summon a flock of birds? "Why?"

"You're not natural, Mr. Waterman. You shouldn't exist in a world of mortal men. Magicians... demons... they are the stuff of fantasy. You are a fantasy; the construct of a writer's imagination."

"What if I am?" Harold pulled out his hand and flung the feathers into the air. "Frater suffragium!" A dozen crows burst into being, each one slotting neatly into the silhouettes to repair the sky. He smiled. "Then the world must be a construct too, and thus conform to my desires."

Meinwen nodded, sighed. "Well reasoned."

41 comments:

Lena said...

I have a thing for fantasy stuff. Wish for more here. Well done.

Bernita said...

"Well reasoned"...and very clever!

Aniket said...

This goes to the box of stories I like. Clever take. I plan to submit a fantasy one too. :)

Kartik said...

Anything goes when you're unreal :) Very nice!

Beth Harar said...

Good writing - it left me wanting more.

catvibe said...

Very cool! I like the philosophical undertones as well. Nice imagery with the feathers turning to crows.

pjd said...

Ah, a very good description of the relationship between writer (Harold) and critique partner (Meinwen). I love the juxtaposition of what seems normal against what seems mystical, the way you've turned things inside out in a couple of different ways. This is a very good entry.

Sarah Laurenson said...

Well done. I love fantasy and you've hit it just right for me.

Amias said...

Very imaginative.

adrienne trafford said...

beautiful imagery - i'd love to know what happens next

Tara said...

Not my norm, but you sucked me in with the great writing.

Tessa said...

Extraorindary. I love, love, love the imagery, particularly the crows slotting into the silhouettes to repair the sky. Magical.

spacedlaw said...

Very nice, Rachel

Craig said...

Leaves me wanting more.

Chris Eldin said...

I loved this take on the photo! And I also was glad to read a fantastical piece. Very, very well written!!! Thoroughly enjoyed the time spent with your words!
:-)

macaronipants said...

Very clever!

JaneyV said...

Rachel - this is really wonderful. I love the imagery of the torn sky. Well done!

Terri said...

I love this one!
I think it's because as I was reading, I wanted to keep reading. And at the end, it left me feeling satisfied in an "ah!" sort of way as though it makes complete sense.
Cleverly crafted and well written.

Four Dinners said...

I was immediately fond of Harold...put me in mind of a latter day 'Catweazle' by Richard Carpenter which I would recommend....

This could be developed in a big way methinks.

Loved it.

Thank you

4D

laughingwolf said...

right up my alley, thx rachel...

Kate said...

I like this, especially the idea of moving holes in the sky.

Aimee Laine said...

Ooh! I liked that! The imagery of filling in the holes and the philosophy behind it! :)

kashers said...

Holes in the sky... lovely. Highly enjoyable read.

J. Randick said...

The wonderful thing about fantastical writing is it's very magic. You've created a wonderfully detailed, excellent piece.

J. Randick

austere said...

This one moves on several levels, does it not?

Still trying to break past the surface...

Enchanted said...

Well reasoned indeed! Difficult to get it all in within the 250 word cap but you managed...... hook, line and sinker!

Laurel said...

This is fantastic. The writer fills the holes that came to consume him.

Oh. Oh. Oh. I'll be chewing on this for a while.

I love this.

Crafty Green Poet said...

wonderful magic in this one...

Carrie said...

Could spend some time here where feathers in the pocket mean magic. Thank you.

truevoid said...

like everyone said - everything is possible in a fantasy! very creative.

Rabid Fox said...

Interesting little tale. I didn't get into it until about halfway through, but it ended nicely.

Leatherdykeuk said...

I am touched and honured by all the fine comments. Thank you.

McKoala said...

Clever thinking!

james r tomlinson said...

The dialogue between your characters is quite good. In fact the dialogue helps the reader to visualize what they look like. I hope this makes sense. Or am I rambling?

Deb Smythe said...

"You are a fantasy; the construct of a writer's imagination." Good premise. It brought to mind Ursula K Le Guin's 'Lathe of Heaven' or the Will Farrell movie, Stranger than Fiction. (A good movie BTW)

Jane said...

good work as usual, rachel..i feel i know harold well

Karen said...

Ah, Rachel. When I finished this, I sighed a big, "Ah!" Now that is writing! Outstanding!

raine said...

Very clever, love the tone. :)
Like the way your mind...unworks, lol.
Good!

Corra McFeydon said...

Love the final three lines. Best of luck with this entry!!

~ Corra McFeydon

Aerin said...

Dear Entrants #1-105,

I have read your pieces so that I can fairly participate in the Readers' Choice vote. (I read all of them through last week, before I started commenting.) I will be coming back around to offer my keep/tweak comment, but I didn't want anyone to snark.

Cheers,
Aerin (#236)

BTW, it's perfectly fine if you still want to snark, but this way you can choose a more appropriate subject, like the merits of Mafia Wars or whether Katie Holmes should demand a divorce

Dottie (My Blog 2.0) said...

Beautifully done, loved the mystical feel, also how he made this reality conform to him.

Congrats on the H/M!

Dottie :)