Thursday, January 07, 2010

Entry #19

Pie in the Sky
by Jimmie Vee


“What was it like?”

Jamie shifted in his chair.

“The black bird was above me circling – slowly circling. It was enormous. I was scared, so small and so exposed. Like a little mouse in a great open field. It paid me no mind – but I knew that it knew I was there. I watched it watch me without trying.”

“How did you feel?”

Jamie twitched.

“I felt helpless, absolutely helpless. It hovered over me, dark as midnight, like an approaching storm waiting to unveil its fury. Just circling and hovering. Dark, so dark - watching me. And then...”

“Yes?”

“And then a white speck emerged in the center, just appeared. Tiny at first, and then it started to grow, steadily larger, larger until soon it filled the black space completely -Completely. It was amazing.”

Dr. Huffington listened carefully.

“You saw a white light?”

“No, not a light - a speck,” Jamie repeated, twitching some more.

“Mmmm, okay... Did you still feel helpless?”

“I felt it was a sign. A good sign. As the white speck grew I felt better. The speck took shape. It took shape and grew and began to turn. Slowly. It grew and turned, slowly rotating. Growing, spinning - Amazing. And then...”

Jamie buried his face in the folds of his shirt and cried.

“What happened next, Jamie?”

Jamie stared out the window for a long while.

“And then it crapped in my eye, that’s what happened,” he said, sobbing.

“So... I see,” concluded the psychiatrist.

34 comments:

Lena said...

The ending came quite unexpected. It is actually very intense, keeps your attention, makes you want for more and more. I did not want it to end.

Bernita said...

This is GOOD. Excellent pacing and delightful humour. (At least I found it funny...)

Aniket said...

I sure had a good laugh at the end. I thought we have another fantasy at our hands till the end. :)

Two donuts for the wit! :D

Chris Allinotte said...

I saw the ending coming, but you played it nicely.

Great dialogue made it work well.

Kartik said...

Nice work buddy... i didn't see the twist!

wrath999 said...

A humorous and very well done tale

Lexie said...

lol I did not expect that! yowch poor Jamie!

catvibe said...

LOL! LMAO actually! Awesome.

Leatherdykeuk said...

*laughs*
Excellent

Sarah Laurenson said...

LOL

Wonderful. Did not see that coming, but oh when it hit! Beautifully done.

pjd said...

Oh, geez. You got me. :-) Yes, very funny. All along I'm thinking you're describing something really deep like a heroin addict coming through rehab.

That giant crow has pretty good aim.

Ayodele Morocco-Clarke said...

I currently have a very nasty cough....and I almost coughed myself to death with laughter when I reached the end of the story. Definitely NOT what the doctor ordered.

I LOVED IT!!! [still sputtering away here...lol....ouch that hurts!]

Tara said...

I thought for sure he'd ben called into the light then spat back out because it wasn't his time. You kept me engaged throughout and made me laugh at the end.
So so good.

Tessa said...

Hehehe! Quirky, funny, clever!

Nevine said...

Loved that twist at the end!

Nevine

Craig said...

Nice build up to the ending.

Chris Eldin said...

LOL! You got me too! The humor and timing are truly remarkable! Very well done!

Terri said...

Excellent pacing and tension-building and a wonderfully funny twist at the end!

Four Dinners said...

“And then it crapped in my eye, that’s what happened,”

I just spat my vodka onto my keypad!!!

That is not funny!!!

The story was mind you....;-)

laughingwolf said...

lol... gotta keep an eye on those crappers! ;)

Amias said...

.. the concept of darkness vs light always tease us, thinking that one can be more trusting than the next, always fool us. nice read.

Aimee Laine said...

Oh my that was funny. :) Good job!

kashers said...

Got it from 'white speck emerged in the center, just appeared'. Good that it hit spot on.

austere said...

Unsettled by the ending since i was waiting for something momentous to happen...

Jimmie Vee said...

Austere,

You have fortified my point in writing this story precisely with your comment - which is sometimes people look too deeply for signs to justify events in their life (reasons), when all along life just happens. In this particular case - shit happens. When all is said and done, life can be just as unexpected as this; there does not need to be a clear path of enlightenment or reward - the end doesn't always justify the means. I'm sorry if I've dissapointed you here, but life in my opinion does not fit easily into a nicely wrapped box.

Thanks to you and all the others for your insightful comments, I appreciate them all and I'm glad that some have seen my story for what it is intended to be - a bit of levity in a way too serious world.

Best of luck to everyone.

Laurel said...

Too funny! And a similar take to mine...

I love the clues along the way, no it wasn't light, it was a speck.

Well done!

Selestial said...

I was all set for something nauseatingly profound at the end. Instead you made me laugh. That made me like the piece even more.

Nice job :)

CJT said...

I really hope you meant this to be funny, because I got a really good laugh out of it!

Anonymous said...

You did a fine job showing the apprehensiveness of your character and one of his life's minor, embarassing moments; It certainly had a larger impact on him (no pun intended). --JR

truevoid said...

following the suspense and description, i was expecting something serious. very funny.

truevoid said...

and the description...initially it was a speck and then it grew large and large and large...you saw the story through your eye!! :)

McKoala said...

Hilarious ending!

Deb Smythe said...

Ha! A shitty day for poor Jamie.

Nice job with the pacing here.

Aerin said...

Dear Entrants #1-105,

I have read your pieces so that I can fairly participate in the Readers' Choice vote. (I read all of them through last week, before I started commenting.) I will be coming back around to offer my keep/tweak comment, but I didn't want anyone to snark.

Cheers,
Aerin (#236)

BTW, it's perfectly fine if you still want to snark, but this way you can choose a more appropriate subject, like the merits of Mafia Wars or whether Katie Holmes should demand a divorce