Thursday, January 07, 2010

Entry #20

By Chance
by Alexandra Cenni


"If by chance you see a raven, death is sure to follow"

He was watching me again last night. At least I believe him to be a he, but have never drawn close enough to make sure. Terrified. Scared. Like no other thing he brings these feelings out of me.

I hate him for that.

When old Mags told me to beware the raven, I thought she was loony. What could a raven do that war and famine have not already done? What of the old tales that say he is the familiar of the great Phantom Queen? This is the age of technology, there is no place for petty deities any longer.

And yet...

On nights that I see him fly between my window (so close his wing brushes the pane of glass) and the yew tree closest to my house, his maw open but no sound comes forth. I huddle under my covers on those nights, repeating the prayer that Father Thomas has told me to say in the face of evil.

Tonight feels different though. Maybe its the full moon, or maybe its because I have finally had my first blood, regardless I can feel the difference. Tonight when he flies by I don't believe he will be silent any longer. Tonight my fate will be decided. Tonight my choice has to be made.

Do I stay, cowering in fear as I always have? Or do I go, becoming something that should be feared?

29 comments:

Lena said...

Interesting take. I like the thought process shown here, the emotions, doubts. It left me with a feeling of something inevitable that should happen.

Bernita said...

Oh, very nice
A different type of stalker...

Aniket said...

A predator in the making... I could hear 'Enter Sandman' in my head while reading this... And that's a good thing. :D

Kartik said...

Nice work ... the deliberations in the character's mind came out real nice!

catvibe said...

This was wonderful, it really drew me in. Excellent voice. I liked the twist, I didn't expect it at all. Nice set up for a future story, I'd like to see what comes next!

Leatherdykeuk said...

Excellent piece. A real voice of the Endless.

Sarah Laurenson said...

Smooth. Really well done. I love your style.

pjd said...

Very good. I like the subtle injection of the first blood.

Amias said...

To be or not to be that is the question. I enjoyed this.

Tara said...

Love your voice. Nice work.

Craig said...

I like the byplay in the characters mind. By the light of day reason prevails but by night it is a whole other story.

Chris Eldin said...

I was totally drawn in. I like the images and emotions conveyed in your piece.

Terri said...

If someone were reading this out loud they could have added a good loud "BOO!" at the end and made everyone in the room scream.
Deliciously dark and scary.

JaneyV said...

Very atmospheric.

Four Dinners said...

JaneyV sums it up in two words.

That was most enjoyable. Thank you.

In my Top 5.

Excellent read.

Lexie said...

ah thank you everyone! I had a wee bit of trouble staying under 250 words--the original beginning was much much different, but it came through in the end!

@Aniket--oddly after I had submitted it to Jason I thought of Sandman. I haven't read the comic in so long, but I guess some things remain with you huh?

laughingwolf said...

wow... a good one, alexandra...

Aimee Laine said...

Ooh. Interesting decision making process!

Beth Harar said...

Oooh! I'm intrigued. Nice job.

Patsy said...

Your character seems to want to fight fear with fear.

kashers said...

Odd story. More so for having words and phrases like 'loony', 'Phantom Queen' and 'petty deities'. Kind of reminded me of the song lyric, 'Should I say, or should I go?'

austere said...

So she heeds the call...

Seriously good.

Tim Remp said...

Held the call! When humanity is finally torn away the Predator emerges…

Great piece I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Laurel said...

Cool! The raven means something here, but what? Maybe the he's there for the choice or because of the first blood.

I would definitely read more of this.

angel said...

I liked this.

Rabid Fox said...

Very good. The tone of this story worked for me, and the quote to start it off was a nice touch.

james r tomlinson said...

Wouldn't it be nice to switch the symbolism around; Maybe a rabbit's foot could bring bad luck and a raven could bring good fortune. Still, I certainly can sympathize with your character's concerns.

Deb Smythe said...

Good story. And wow, you you got a lot of world-building (politics, religion, beliefs)done. Nice job.

Aerin said...

Dear Entrants #1-105,

I have read your pieces so that I can fairly participate in the Readers' Choice vote. (I read all of them through last week, before I started commenting.) I will be coming back around to offer my keep/tweak comment, but I didn't want anyone to snark.

Cheers,
Aerin (#236)

BTW, it's perfectly fine if you still want to snark, but this way you can choose a more appropriate subject, like the merits of Mafia Wars or whether Katie Holmes should demand a divorce