Thursday, January 07, 2010

Entry #21

Karma
by Wavemancali


My name was Mary-Joe Wallace and by the way, the Hindus are right.

Rebirth is scary. When you are used to boring suburban life in nowhere Nebraska, hatching 300 feet in the air in northern British Columbia is shocking to say the least.

But damn, what a view. Well, at least when your eyes finally open.

You don’t get it at first. I lived a good life, I really did. I respected my parents, I went to church, I even did volunteer work at the local nursing home. Sitting up in that tree shivering in the cold, always hungry, I thought what did I do that was so bad that I’ve been reborn to this life of cold and hunger and fear?

Then I flew.

I FLEW!

When you are out in the wilderness and you hear that scree from a hawk and think it is such a lonely sound, you could not be more wrong. It’s the sound we make when we can no longer hold in the joy. It’s the sound of ecstasy.

And it gets better.

Some days you just know things.

Today I caught a field mouse for lunch. The life of a field mouse is not fun. There is no flight. There is only fear and hunger and a constant sense of doom. Every shadow from above is a hawk like me coming to end you. And I knew that field mouse was the man that ended Mary-Joe Wallace and he knew me.

SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

39 comments:

Lena said...

That is an interesting perspective. Personally I love the idea of rebirth, though we never know what kind of life can expect us after death. Hope my sins were not that bad in this one.

Aniket said...

Unique take with the POV! :)

The joy of flight comes through nicely.
Karma always bites back. I'd like to believe that.

Bernita said...

Very satisfying story.

Bernita said...

And "satisfying" should have been in italics!

Jared Culpepper said...

you really come away feeling like you've met the narrator here; good character.

Leatherdykeuk said...

Lovely piece!

Chris Eldin said...

I enjoyed reading this. I thought it was creative and the pacing well done!

pjd said...

I love the progression, and the justice in the ending. I really love the explanation of the screech. Nicely done.

Tara said...

Karma rocks! Nice work.

Craig said...

I liked how you carried the theme throughout the piece.

Sarah Laurenson said...

It was two stories for me. I was good with ending at I flew. That brought about the reason for being reborn into this body. But then it continued with the revenge. Wow. Two for the price of one in under 250 words. Wonderful.

Kartik said...

Karma isn't always a bitch :)
Wonderful POV!

SzélsőFa said...

I too, found that there are two stories packed into one. it is not too condensed, though. it comes off nicely.
and I liked that revenge is not a murder, not an agressive act. it just happens. naturally, in the course of the life of the hawk. a great tale.

JaneyV said...

Damn fine!

Four Dinners said...

The rebirth thing is great but the 'eating' the reborn murderer is class!!!!

maybe genius said...

I really enjoyed the voice in this one :D

Meghan said...

I enjoyed the unique POV as well. Good job!

Terri said...

Fantasic! I love the Karma.
It flows well, making it easy to read so I can enjoy the experiences as they are told. This story made me feel happy :-)

Janel said...

Getting revenge in another life. Love it! What goes around comes around (or comes swooping down).

laughingwolf said...

superbly done!

Kate said...

Fabulous!

Amias said...

Ha, one reap what they sow, right?

K. Soles said...

Love the afterlife. Nothing like flying. Great job!

Anonymous said...

This had a nice tone to it. I could picture the landscape from above. --JR

Aimee Laine said...

Such a great payback story! :)

Beth Harar said...

I echo what Terri said. Very creative!

Michelle H. said...

Great work!

kashers said...

Very enjoyable. Loved the way it transformed from an every cloud has a silver lining tale to one of revenge.

austere said...

Of course Karma works.

Liked this.

Laurel said...

I lovelovelove this. Viscerally satisfying! I also like the cry of the bird being joyous...I always thought that, myself.

catvibe said...

Really fun! I loved it thoroughly.

truevoid said...

interesting plot!

MHPayne said...

Ah, the circle of life:

Or death, as the case may be. Either way, Top 10 from me!

Mike

McKoala said...

Very neat.

Deb Smythe said...

Now that's karma! Great job with the pacing. I really enjoyed this story.

Aerin said...

Dear Entrants #1-105,

I have read your pieces so that I can fairly participate in the Readers' Choice vote. (I read all of them through last week, before I started commenting.) I will be coming back around to offer my keep/tweak comment, but I didn't want anyone to snark.

Cheers,
Aerin (#236)

BTW, it's perfectly fine if you still want to snark, but this way you can choose a more appropriate subject, like the merits of Mafia Wars or whether Katie Holmes should demand a divorce

Wavemancali said...

@Aerin

Mafia Wars: Staying away because of my addictive personality, but I do have Happy Aquarium.

I think Katie needs to escape the compound before she can file for divorce right?

Deb Smythe said...

Wavemancali, congrats on the H/M. Great job. For what it's worth, you made my fav list as well.

Dottie (My Blog 2.0) said...

I love the idea of the rebirth, as a bird of prey, and the prey is none other than the predator from the previous life. Excellent!

Congrats on the H/M!

Dottie :)