Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Entry #173

Untitled
by Wildflower


She sat facing the white screen in the semi-lit darkness of her room, a lot past late midnight. A few minutes earlier the fear of dying old and lonely clutched steady at her heart. But now that fear had loosened its hold. The aftertaste of the novel she wound up earlier that day hung in the air. It smelled of the woman who had provoked her husband to murder her..

Sleep wouldn't be easy tonight she knew. She wondered if she should open the book case in the living room to re-read one of those novels that could calm her to sleep. She wondered if she would be able to figure out the key which belonged to the case from the confusing bunch of look-alikes. Her hands always shook when entrusted with such life-like tasks. Her throat felt dry. She thought if the jug on the dining table would have any water left. Years ago, studying for an exam one early morning she had seen this today in a flash..and she had laughed at it then, with expectant eyes.

She sank into the chair. She felt like writing something. What she saw in another flash were her bony fingers playing with her key rings and shaky legs walking back home, alone. She saw herself from behind. Just when she reached the steps, she turned back and her face froze into something that for an instant felt like a drunken smile. Would she be laughing at this one too, years later?

17 comments:

Laurel said...

A disturbing tale of a life in descent. With even more disturbing pieces of my own life: the novel that lingers, looking for an old read to seduce sleep.

Some pieces resonate. This one echoes.

Aniket said...

Excellent narration. I hope she does laugh this time around. For all the right reasons. Very well written.

Bernita said...

Imagination does carry with it a certain meta curse...

catvibe said...

I got the sense that she was dead and writing this from beyond. (From the first paragraph, last line.) So from that perspective, this is an eerie and chilly walk through purgatory. Nice imagery, kind of creepy and sad.

laughingwolf said...

'you know it don't come easy...'

Preeti said...

hmmn... i feel a little sad for her. she seems so alone and so unsure. yet there is also a certain amount of clarity within her.
sigh...

this is very well written.

lena said...

I hope she will have all the reasons to smile in the future :)

Very well done.

Deb Smythe said...

A frightening tale of the inevitable: old age. Beats the alternative, as they say.

pjd said...

I see here a woman who dreamed a different future long ago, but she ended up in that lonely place. This is a very lonely snapshot. I don't sense much mirth in any of the laughter.

Craig said...

Very intensense and well written.

adrienne trafford said...

this really left a mark on me as i read it...and then read it again...i especially liked "Years ago, studying for an exam one early morning she had seen this today in a flash"

Kartik said...

Disturbing and intense!

JaneyV said...

I found this quite harrowing to read. Her loneliness and confusion were all-consuming. I long for her to feel some respite form it.

James R. Tomlinson said...

Book, memory, and exsistence all intertwined. Interesting.

Sarah Laurenson said...

Confusion well written. I enjoyed this walk through her fractured existence.

Aerin said...



my caveat

Something I Would Keep

Fractured is exactly what I would have said, as Sarah did - I found your creation of this character thorough for such a small space.

Something I Might Tweak

The line about the novel in which the husband murdered the wife felt a little bit like a red herring.

Chris Eldin said...

This is filled with so much heartache. Very well written.