Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Entry #174

by A. Silvestri

We stride slender and branded on the beach. This is us as we conceive. Waves thundering towards eternity, carrying but a slight hint of sunblock and almonds vaporized from our bodies. My foot in her soles imprint. The solemn night of deadening promises is my prime thought, like a number which only has two divisors: 1 and itself. My voice is hoarse, as I speak for the first time.

“Do you remember the silhouette dotted across the trees?”

“How could I not”

I nod with a long sigh, a sigh that doesn't match the burning sand between my toes. My throat is sore from too many cigarettes.

“The bird took flight when he died. Like it had been lurking. It waited, until we looked”

Her eyes wander across my body, exposed to the rays of the sun. They glitter, with very old tears that have already been cried too many times.

“Perhaps it shielded him from harm. Carried him safely to another place”

I never cried. If I cried, I would lose him forever. What remains of him stays hidden in the tear ducts that leads across my veins into the right chamber of my heart.

“It took him. And we did nothing” I yell

Tears burst like grenades. She falls to her knees.
I beside her. We kiss.
This is us, a sad rerun. This is us as we conceive the past.

(A. Silvestri is a 32-year-old teacher living in Copenhagen, Denmark. He has been published in seven anthologies, mostly science-fiction and horror. One of his short stories, When The Musics Over, has won a Danish award for “best original short story in one of the fantastic genres”. He is, at the moment, working on an anthology and anxiously awaiting the release of aforementioned short story on the American market. Although it has been postponed, it should hit the shelves before easter.)


Laurel said...

This merits a couple of extra reads. Fantastic description, amazing first paragraph.

Waves thundering towards eternity, carrying but a slight hint of sunblock and almonds vaporized from our bodies. My foot in her soles imprint carries me to the beach with them.

Did they lose a child?? That was my take.

Aniket said...

A very sad and touching story. The last line hit me hard. So much said in there.

Thank you for this.

Bernita said...

Powerful, moving, deep and beautiful.
"I never cried. If I cried, I would lose him forever."
Waves/tears.The fear that tears - the usual surcease of grief would wash away his memory, his essence.

catvibe said...

The descriptions are exquisite and the mood is powerful. I read it three times. The story was confusing in that I really didn't understand it, it left me wanting to understand it though. Very poetic.

Preeti said...

a poignant story of love and loss. so well depicted. i am amazed by the 'foot in her soles imprint'. absolutely amazed.
"this is us as we conceive"...
Oh God... some of the lines in this piece have gone and stamped themselves in my brain.

I simply loved this.

lena said...

A very powerful writing. I still am under impression of the last line. Sad and beautiful.

Deb Smythe said...

Pretty prose.
I'll have to do a reread for full understanding.

pjd said...

Once again, Laurel and Bernita said my comment before I could arrive. Nicely done.

Craig said...

Hardhitting emotion at it's best.

Kartik said...

Very powerful, emotional and tragic as well! You've captured loss so poignantly

JaneyV said...

A secret memory hidden in their heart to be kept safe for always.

I also found this proundly beautiful and moving. I wonder if it was a child they lost and that this is the place where they conceived him. By coming back the memory opens the trapdoor into the soul allowing them to grieve.

A.Silvestri said...

Thanks for all the feedback

I wrote this in a flash moment, in appr. 4-5 minutes.

James R. Tomlinson said...

You did a fine job with word choice here and lead me to believe there was a loss of child.

Aerin said...

my caveat

Something I Would Keep

The first paragraph. It's amazing, effective, fresh, with a great hook and wonderful metaphors/references.

Something I Might Tweak

I wasn't sure of the intention of using periods or not using them.

Chris Eldin said...

Lovely writing, but the missing punctuation got to me, and I'm not a grammarian.