Watchers
by Ryan Bridger
Tristis readjusted himself on his perch, which at the moment consisted of a predatory creature’s exposed rib, blood streaking across its torn fur.
The irony never escaped the crows, that the Chaos brought with it such extravagant feasting. When the Watchers first disappeared, there was of course the inevitable panic. Who would provide the scraps? Who would carelessly discard boxes and bags—so easily ripped by opportunistic beaks—hiding such valuable delicacies? Who else could possibly act as such punctual providers?
As it turned out, the crows that called out to leave had squawked too soon: the chaos provided in its own way.
Tristis, unlike the cowards, never doubted. He sensed the coming feast soon after the Watchers had disappeared—perhaps the very day. Above him, cries of his Murder filled the air, reminding him what could have easily been disaster in the Watchers’ sudden absence was instead a tidal wave of good fortune.
He tore another strip of flesh from the carcass. In life, the beast would have been impressive, but now it was little more than an eyesore along the gravel path. Tristis, hungry, felt obligated to remove it.
A nearby cage rattled. The poor beast inside stared greedily at Tristis and his prize. In the old days, the Murder would have never been granted a cage—those were reserved for greater specimens, like the escapee he fed upon.
Tristis took another gulp, made sure the beast was Watching.
(Ryan Bridger wanders the deserts of Nevada lamenting the demise of the dinosaurs.)
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21 comments:
A deserted zoo?
This is eerie. The practical voice of the scavenger rings through and makes this all the more effective.
Really compelling, really well done.
A bird's eye view of a natural disaster's effect on a zoo, methinks.
The emerging sadism from Tristis makes it interesting.
human prey to feast upon?
Hey, that was a really fresh take, Ryan. Sci-fi/end of man from the bird's POV? I likes.
Thanks for the comments! Writing this actually inspired a brand new WIP on the concept. We'll see where it goes!
So cool. Apocalyptic fiction was just spanked like a bad puppy. Good work.
"Who else could possibly act as such punctual providers?"
No doubt that is how crows/seagulls/feral urban animals view us. Strange creatures who drop valuable sustenance carelessly.
(p.s. I too lament the demise of the dinosaurs. Never Forget!)
Love Masonian's comment!
Excellent job -vividly written.
Echo to Masonian. lol
Sharp images and very good writing.
Great work!
Caveat
Something I Would Keep
Um, your bio line. It's brilliant. OH...and the story, right...um, yeah, okay... Seriously, I liked the foretelling done by the simple choice of the bird's name. Nice.
Something I Might Tweak
capitalized Murder was a little hazy - not sure I followed that line, quite
That's the way I like my stories: Tell it to me straight. Nothing like show darkness just how dark you can get.
Wow.
That was like a punch. Direct and stark.
Liked. :-)
I liked this one though I'm a little lost. I liked the POV and the idea that the disappearance of the Watchers made things better for the birds.
I'm lost as to what he's eating and what's in the cage.
Some very impressive images.
I'm still pondering your piece, which is a good thing. I enjoyed it!
Now see I thought the Watchers were police of some kind - people who kept order - who were driven out by mobs/ rioters who I understood to be Murder. The resulting Chaos left lots of fresh carcasses for the Carrion feeders. Am I close???
It was a little confusing but I really liked the voice with its underlying menace.
Very cool!
I want to read a whole book about crows in an abandoned zoo ^_^
I also love the high language you use. It's like LOTR with animals.
At first I thought the "watchers" were hunters, but as it went along I figured it out, and of course the whole spooky soundtrack includes the unnervingly eerie lack of humans. Well written. Very well done.
I like this end of days story very very much Ryan you dinosaur lamenter you. Funny to be lamenting dinosaurs while writing a story about the remaining dinosaurs outliving people. Quirky irony Ryan. Very quirky. I'm putting you on my favs list.
#14
lovely piece. Love the collective noun for family :)
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