Sill-Love-Hate
by Amrita Bhatia
It was that time of the day again. He sat perched at his window on 57th street, waiting.
She was two minutes late today. Traffic he thought. The lights were on, the curtains drawn; all he could see was a shadow. He watched her going through her daily tasks.
How she undressed, and the way she moved.
His imagination ran into directions more than one when he thought of her in the shower.
“Ah!” he sighed, wishing she were his girl.
But wait there were two shadows today.
No that was not possible. How could this be? She could not have a lover. She was a well mannered girl.
How it hurt when he watched them move, intertwine. He gulped down the vodka, but that wasn’t what was burning his insides.
“Hi I’m Andrew I live in the apartment across the street, is Anna around?”
“Yeah come on in... Anna... It’s for you Baby”
“At least tie the robe you Dog”
“What??”
The shriek was loud enough to wake the neighbours.
“What did you do to him you bastard!!!!?”
“I just like one Anna, just one shadow”
It was that time of the day again. He sat perched at his window on 73rd street, waiting.
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22 comments:
Oh. Wow. Obsession from a distance.
This started off so sweet.
Cool tale of a serial killer's obsession
So he doesn't get caught and moves from one obsession to the other. But, is the obsession the kill, or the peeping?
Good work Amrita. Loved the Title! :)
Good Work Amrita. Loved the title! :)
Makes me wonder if he's still human and still stalking, or if he's become a voyeur blackbird perched on yet another city window sill.
Well done.
nice one, amrita...
Wow. Very creepy.
Wow! You have really outdone all your previous works with this one.
Honestly, I never expected a serial killer story from you.
Good job. I would've loved a little more description of the kill. A little more horror. But then, we all know how precious words are in this contest. One can only do so much with 250 words.
You packed a complete story in there and thats awesome. Oh, and clever use of the first and last line. Excellent writing!
She has the curtains drawn and yet, she's so starkly visible while he's the shadow, perched on his window and hidden in the dark..
I think you did a great job of etching the characters.
Ranee
The first and last lines are real neat. Very well written, Amrita :)
Caveat
Something I Would Keep
Thinking of her in the shower - this gave away his obsession, because I still thought it was possibly he was just a freaky voyeur.
Something I Might Tweak
I don't think you need either of the "It was that time of the day again" lines. They're just extraneous; the 57th & 73rd street lines are brilliance by themselves.
The jumpcut to dialogue is a bit confusing, but you had one hell of a build up to that point.
That was good. Started off well. At first i thought he was waiting for his girl friend.
Hmmnn... can't help feeling sad for such guys. Losers though they maybe.
Very well written though.
Okay, Preeti, if you feel sad for the guy, I seriously don't want you as my neighbor.
;)
what yamini said, loved the title!
Ooh. Don't like him! :) Mean, mean, mean. Yikes!
You did a good job in putting in all those little details that reveal the extent of his obsession.
Note to self - if anyone can see in your window, buy blinds - or better still SHUTTERS!
Nice work on the creepy factor. This gave me chills.
The finish felt a little rushed, but the details you chose to highlight told the whole story.
Oh, freakish and horrible! I loved it!
Clever stalker piece. Thanks.
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